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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that the male friend I secretly love is moving away

143 replies

30somethingellla · 03/03/2017 17:57

I've known him years but only became friendly with him 7 months ago when I made a new friend and she introduced him to me.

Weve got on really well and I think there's some chemistry. Our friends do joke that he's attracted to me but he's made no moves. We have so much in common, laugh and talk for hours.

Now he's told us all that he's moving to the south of England for further study. At the moment we live in a tight knit community and we see each other at least twice a week.

I'm almost 30 and I feel an absolute idiot for being upset about this. I'm not 14 ffs!!!

I'm asking this in AIBU as I want genuine and honest answers.

I'm being pathetic aren't I?

I just feel really sad. I'm completely in love with him. Never expected to feel this way at my age. I can't ask him out as if I've mistaken his intentions the repercussions would mean I'd probably have to leave the friendship group or at least things would never ever be the same again. I value these friends too much to lose them. I had always hoped there might be a 'moment'over a few drinks 😂

He will be back for holidays etc but it's not the same.

Go on, tell me to get a grip. I'm okay to be told that. AIBU?

OP posts:

Inertia · 04/03/2017 08:07

Sounds like he is also trying the subtle approach, and has now given up on you as you are not responding with any signs of interest.

A few moments of speaking your mind vs. several years of regret - is it really that hard? You can't afford to mope about sighing like a lovesick teenager, you don't have time.

Isthismummy · 04/03/2017 08:15

My dp is younger than me op.

We were friends for nearly two years before we got together. He used to stay round my house, even share my bed, but nothing happened.

Then I made the first move and it turned out he'd been in love with me all the time. If I hadn't kissed him first we'd probably still be sharing that bed like Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise. Instead we are getting married in the summer

Tell him.

TeaCake5 · 04/03/2017 08:25

Why the name change?

30somethingella · 04/03/2017 08:37

There was a spelling mistake in Ella. It had three lll.

Yes I'm the same OP.

How did anyone notice that? 😂

30somethingella · 04/03/2017 08:37

I only corrected the spelling in the username.

30somethingella · 04/03/2017 08:39

Thanks everyone. I will make some moves at Easter! :-)

BastardGoDarkly · 04/03/2017 08:47

There's a highlight original poster function Ella we're not that sharp eyed

30somethingella · 04/03/2017 08:49

Ah okay. My posts just all show in the same colour.

Joey7t8 · 04/03/2017 09:08

He never talks about liking anyone or any romantic subjects at all.

Sounds like a gay man who's frightened to come out.

ThatWhiteElephant · 04/03/2017 09:20

You HAVE to say something, you will wonder 'what if' for the rest of your life.
Your friends think that he likes you, he invites you out (just the two of you), he's shy, he is most likely thinking exactly the same.
Do it, do it, do it

Isthismummy · 04/03/2017 09:22

Or it could be because he's interested in op Joey, so doesn't want to discuss other people?

I know I never wanted to talk about other people If I was around someone I fancied. It wouldn't want then to think my attention was directed elsewhere!

ThatWhiteElephant · 04/03/2017 09:23

How do you highlight op?

NameChange30 · 04/03/2017 09:31

"He always did invite me out, always walked me to the last train home, sometimes tried to impress me, always sits touching me."

YABU. You're being an idiot actually. You need to tell him how you feel or at the very least make it obvious! He is clearly making an effort, which can't be easy given how shy he is, and you need to make an effort too!

When DH and I met it was very similar. We got on really well and I really liked him but he was shy so nothing happened for a while. Although I would usually let the other person make the first move, I realised he was too good to let him get away, and he needed a lot of encouragement. I asked him on a date because he was moving away so I suggested we had a drink before he went. We didn't actually get together on that date (he was still too shy!) but we did soon after.

GO FOR IT, OP. Life's too short.

Joey7t8 · 04/03/2017 09:58

Or it could be because he's interested in op Joey, so doesn't want to discuss other people?

Possibly. It's certainly not a case of him being straight and not fancying her. Straight men just don't act that way with women that they don't fancy.

RedBullBlood · 04/03/2017 10:13

I want to live in a tight knit community where a man in his twenties suggests we all get together and make pancakes...
It would be like being one of the Waltons!

Joey7t8 · 04/03/2017 10:16

a tight knit community where a man in his twenties suggests we all get together and make pancakes...
The more I read this, the more I think gay.

NameChange30 · 04/03/2017 12:06

So a man can't invite people over for pancakes without being gay?!

I think it's extremely unlikely that he's gay. He's showing clear signs of being interested in the OP.

PoorYorick · 04/03/2017 12:43

Oh just ask him out OP. Worst that can happen is he doesn't reciprocate, and you're all grown up enough to be able to deal with it. Faint heart never won fair person of your preferred sex. Seize the day fgs.

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