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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that the male friend I secretly love is moving away

143 replies

30somethingellla · 03/03/2017 17:57

I've known him years but only became friendly with him 7 months ago when I made a new friend and she introduced him to me.

Weve got on really well and I think there's some chemistry. Our friends do joke that he's attracted to me but he's made no moves. We have so much in common, laugh and talk for hours.

Now he's told us all that he's moving to the south of England for further study. At the moment we live in a tight knit community and we see each other at least twice a week.

I'm almost 30 and I feel an absolute idiot for being upset about this. I'm not 14 ffs!!!

I'm asking this in AIBU as I want genuine and honest answers.

I'm being pathetic aren't I?

I just feel really sad. I'm completely in love with him. Never expected to feel this way at my age. I can't ask him out as if I've mistaken his intentions the repercussions would mean I'd probably have to leave the friendship group or at least things would never ever be the same again. I value these friends too much to lose them. I had always hoped there might be a 'moment'over a few drinks 😂

He will be back for holidays etc but it's not the same.

Go on, tell me to get a grip. I'm okay to be told that. AIBU?

OP posts:
PerpendicularVincent · 03/03/2017 18:30

Tell him! You have nothing to lose

Original poster
30somethingellla · 03/03/2017 18:35

I'm not telling him.

I will just move on. Sigh!

OP posts:
MamaMagellanic · 03/03/2017 18:35

I had this problem once. Someone on here told me to tell him. I told him. Result? Happily ever after.

Tell him.

Original poster
30somethingellla · 03/03/2017 18:36

Thanks for making me feel better though. I'm was feeling such an idiot at my age. I'm too old to have a crush!!!

OP posts:
HarmlessChap · 03/03/2017 18:36

It's old fashioned but the huge majority of men ask a woman out if they're interested.

Unless of course he has exactly the same hang ups as you!

I've known plenty of would be couples where both are waiting for the other to make the 1st move, and you know what sometimes their friends joke about it in the hope that it might spur one of them!

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 03/03/2017 18:36

OK. Now type three reasons why not.... Wink

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 03/03/2017 18:37

Er, and I'm 42!

TeaCake5 · 03/03/2017 18:38

So what do you want from this thread then? Just a place to make melodramatic sighs? To have people bow smoke up your arse?

You sound very immature tbh.

RortyCrankle · 03/03/2017 18:38

I wouldn't tell him. Even if he is shy he must be capable of asking you on a date. If you tell him you are interested and he isn't you may both be embarrassed and that could impact on your friendship.

Him moving away could be a blessing in disguise which will allow you to possibly meet someone else.

RortyCrankle · 03/03/2017 18:39

You're never too old to have a crush.

pinklemonade84 · 03/03/2017 18:40

Please tell him. I had to do something similar just over 10 years ago as a friend was leaving the course that we met on. Invited him for a night out and it took a mutual friend threatening to bang our heads together before we would admit to each other that we liked each other. 10 years later we're married and have an almost 1 year old dd. It's scary as hell to take a chance, but like you say he's very shy.

Schwifty · 03/03/2017 18:42

Oh. Guess I can never have a crush again then. Sad

papercaper · 03/03/2017 18:42

Please tell him! You'll regret it if you don't, he may well just be shy and worried about losing the friendship. If he's inviting you out a lot, he obviously really likes being around you and quite likely is attracted to you too. You don't have to be heavy about it, you'll find the right words.

wifeyhun · 03/03/2017 18:44

Please tell him

You will regret it otherwise

ohbigdaddio · 03/03/2017 18:45

Tell him! Tell him! Tell him! Smile

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 03/03/2017 18:45

I hope I'll still be having crushes into my nineties!

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 03/03/2017 18:46

TeaCake5

So what do you want from this thread then? Just a place to make melodramatic sighs? To have people bow smoke up your arse?

You sound very immature tbh.

Why is this thread reminding of a FEW previous threads where the op talks about a male friend/colleague who is mean to her/refuses to get coffee at work etc with her, and everyone starts saying "he likes you!". I seem to remember there being a lot of 'sighs' on those threads too?

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 03/03/2017 18:47

If you saw a vacancy for your dream job, would you apply for it? In the knowledge that it could make you very, very happy?

BenLinusatemyhomework · 03/03/2017 18:47

He probably thinks he's been friend zoned. Just ask him out for farewell drinks and tell him you're a bit gutted he's going as you're really going to miss him and gauge his reaction from there.

You never know, he might only be moving away because it's so painful to be in love with you whilst thinking there's no hope of anything happening. Could be...Wink

titsbumfannythelot · 03/03/2017 18:48

Tell him. Better to regret something you have done rather than not. Could you invite him round for drinks before he goes?

neonrainbow · 03/03/2017 18:51

Tell him!

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 03/03/2017 18:52

better to regret something you have done rather than not THIS times a million!

Emboo19 · 03/03/2017 18:53

If you can't tell him. Ask him round for farewell drinks, get a bit tipsy and kiss him. If he doesn't reciprocate blame it on the drink and that you're going to miss him as a friend.

ToastVacuum · 03/03/2017 18:56

LTB

CharlieDimmocksbosoms · 03/03/2017 18:56

Can't you tell him but in a jokey sort of way that leaves him a way out if he just wants to be friends. I don't know sort of " it's probably just as well you're leaving mate cos I might have had to tell you how much I like you if you'd stayed around ! " or something to that effect.