To be upset that the male friend I secretly love is moving away

[30somethingellla]

I've known him years but only became friendly with him 7 months ago when I made a new friend and she introduced him to me.

Weve got on really well and I think there's some chemistry. Our friends do joke that he's attracted to me but he's made no moves. We have so much in common, laugh and talk for hours.

Now he's told us all that he's moving to the south of England for further study. At the moment we live in a tight knit community and we see each other at least twice a week.

I'm almost 30 and I feel an absolute idiot for being upset about this. I'm not 14 ffs!!!

I'm asking this in AIBU as I want genuine and honest answers.

I'm being pathetic aren't I?

I just feel really sad. I'm completely in love with him. Never expected to feel this way at my age. I can't ask him out as if I've mistaken his intentions the repercussions would mean I'd probably have to leave the friendship group or at least things would never ever be the same again. I value these friends too much to lose them. I had always hoped there might be a 'moment'over a few drinks 😂

He will be back for holidays etc but it's not the same.

Go on, tell me to get a grip. I'm okay to be told that. AIBU?

Matildathecats suggested text was perfect.

All the signs are there that he fancies you. Send the text.

Tell him

Please tell him.

You HAVE to tell him!!!

Come on OP, what are you going to do?! You have nothing to lose but days/weeks/months/years of being apart from the man you love! (am totally over invested in this thread)

Oh come on - get pissed and kiss him

Please woman up and tell him.

You know you want to...

... and FFS stop talking about yourself, at 29 as if you're Miss Havisham!

I like to think she has and they are shagging like crazy!

Another vote for telling him.

If they're shagging like crazy already now, then things have moved on fast!

"I've loved spending time with you lately. The thought of you leaving makes me sad"

How much younger is he?

He's 7 years younger 😳

But going on 60.
He's a bit geeky and very very grown up.

You will regret it if you do not tell him. It's an awful emotional pain I still feel ten years on...

Why does the man always have to ask?

He might feel shite at the possibility of being rejected and ruining friendships.

By the sounds of it he's done the running and it's not been reciprocated so he probably thinks you don't want him.

There's been some good texts upthread that aren't embarrassing or full on flirty but lets him know that there are feelings involved.

Tell him!

He's 7 years younger 😳

Another reason why he may not be as forward as perhaps you would like.
How long till he leaves?

just imagine that you didn't tell him, and he was the one. You would have let him go because you were always waiting for him to make the first move. Don't let that happen - thats really silly. TELL HIM. QUICK.

I think you'll really regret it if you don't tell him op. It doesn't have to be full on....I'm going to really miss you, I always thought something might happen between us.
Or.....can't believe your going, I really enjoy spending time with you and hoped we'd be doing so more.
If you get a what, I don't think of you like that, kind of the reply. The next morning you just say, sorry don't know what I was thinking, too much wine last night. I'll miss you as a friend.
No harm done!

Take a chance op, it could be the best thing you ever do!

There are some stories about younger men/older women on the "27 year old woman and 18 year old man" thread that you might find helpful or interesting. Especially given that the set up is co-incidentally almost identical.

I'm with Suki on this.

Get drunk and shag him. That always clears the air a bit, I find.

He definitely sounds interested!

If you can't tell him (and I'd probably be too scared too), can you at least have a tipsy lingering goodnight hug and tell him you're really going to miss him? Just leave him some really good opportunities to make a move. Or, keep messaging when he's away and go and visit for a weekend

My DP and I were good friends for ten years before he asked me out. I'd liked him for over a year at that point, had given sooo many hints (he was oblivious, he's quite a shy guy too). Yes we could have ruined our entire friendship group, but happily ever after was worth the risk!

I agree with the poster that says you should tell him you are ridiculously sad he is leaving and that you didn't expect to feel like that.

It opens the discussion. If he reacts great. If he doesn't you can just downplay.

Definitely tell him.
Slightly different, and I don't want to drag the thread down, but I had this friend that I'd known for years and years and years (met him when I was 13). We knew each other inside out, sometimes went months without catching up, but were always so happy to see each other, always there for each other. I think we were always a little bit in love with each other, but nothing ever happened between us. He had various serious gfs, I got married, we were never going to have some magical happy ending. I just really liked him as a person, enjoyed his company, was happy to be his friend. My oldest and definitely one of my very best friends.
He died at 26, completely unexpectedly, and I never told him just how much I loved and valued him. We hadn't seen each other for a while, and it still cuts me up. I wish I'd said all those things when I had the chance - let him know I was grateful that he was my mate. I wish I could have just one more day, to say all the stuff I never got to tell him. And I will always wish that.

Obviously a bit of a different situation, but OP please don't spend a lifetime regretting the things you didn't say. You're so much better off taking a chance and going for it. Tell him!