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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if step children are involved how your wills are written?

173 replies

Notyourusualfamilysetup · 02/03/2017 19:58

Bit of a back story to me asking! Just me and dad for a long time, he got into a relationship when I was in my teens and they had my brother (his girlfriends only child). They moved an hour away when DB started school for him to go to a good private school and I stayed in my home town although still saw them regularly, my SM was lovely to me but haven't seen that much of her in recent years.

Sadly my dad died when my brother was quite young, he was a very wealthy man and left everything to SM (fair enough) she sadly passed recently and left everything to my brother.

She was a SAHM and the large inheritance that my DB now has was from my fathers very successful businesses and estates that he left to SM.

The money is not as much what bothers me, although believe me I could really use even a fraction of it. I would give all the money in the world to have my father back but I just wondered if this was a usual way of doing things?

It has left me wondering if my dad had just forgotten about me, him and SM were never married so as I understand he actively made his will this way.

So AIBU to ask, if you are not in a nuclear family and step children etc are concerned, what is the set up of your wills? Have you factored in all children?

Sorry it's a bit of a morbid questions really.

OP posts:
andontothenext · 02/03/2017 20:03

Your dad didn't think of this when he was alive?

People will come along to say you're entitled to nothing blah blah blah but honestly I'd be upset and really quite aggrieved that my father didn't consider me in his will

Lelloteddy · 02/03/2017 20:03

So she didn't leave you a penny of your fathers estate? That absolutely stinks.

andontothenext · 02/03/2017 20:04

How did your Sm get the money if they weren't married?

dietstartsmonday · 02/03/2017 20:04

I have been looking at this today and this very concern has been on my mind.
I have 3 kids he has 1the house as it's owned by us a tenner in common. Each half will be left to the four kids with a life Time intrest for the spouse. Si if I die my half is left to be divided by all four kids but husband can live ther till he dies. At which point his half will e divided between all four kids. So they should up up with 25% too.
I also have a life insurance policy that will be just for my children.

Trifleorbust · 02/03/2017 20:08

It's not right, but your dad should have thought of this.

Have you taken legal advice? Probably not going to make much difference but worth checking.

Original poster
Notyourusualfamilysetup · 02/03/2017 20:12

My DH thinks we should have looked into the legal route but i couldn't put DB through that, or myself tbh. He actively left the money/businesses/properties to SM as they were not married. Diet I think that is a good idea and I think I would take the same approach.

OP posts:
RedHareWithBlondeHair · 02/03/2017 20:15

Your dad didn't think of you at all. I'm so sorry. How is your current relationship with your db? If he was as wealthy as you say he is and he never actually married your SM then I'd say that he practically wrote you out of the will. I'm so sorry.

lalalalyra · 02/03/2017 20:16

Have you seen your Dad's will?

Are you in England? If you were in Scotland your Dad wouldn't have been able to leave you out.

We have 6 kids - 1 his, 2 mine and 3 ours, but they all live with us and we have ignored differences from other families (DS1 is likely to inherit his Mum's share from his grandparents for example) and just treat them all exactly the same. The only difference we may make further down the line will depend on DD4's health. If she still has significant ongoing issues we may need to make a different provision for her.

sopsmum · 02/03/2017 20:20

I'm sorry for you. That is a really shitty thing to happen.

reallyanotherone · 02/03/2017 20:26

Is/was your dm alive?

If not, that's pretty shitty.

My will is set up that my children inherit the house. It's my house, bought before i met dh. His children will inherit the house he bought with his ex.

Dh has no assets or savings- they all went to his ex, and with cm has not been able to build up again. So effectively he has nothing to leave. I have no doubt his ex will come after her childrens "share" though, should anything happen to him.

cuckooplusone · 02/03/2017 20:36

It sounds a bit rubbish for you, I am sure he had best intentions towards looking after his girlfriend and didn't think it through beyond that. I have a DD from a previous relationship and a DD with my partner. We have mirror wills where everything goes to each other and then gets split by the girls after that.

Original poster
Notyourusualfamilysetup · 02/03/2017 20:39

My mother is alive, she lives quite far away and I have never lived with her or know her much. I don't think my dad was the kind of person to actively write me out of his will, I think he just didn't realise this would be how it went. I'm in the UK and I get on with my brother

OP posts:
Ihatethedailymail1 · 02/03/2017 20:43

I think that you should go to court, I do believe that in English law, parents have to make reasonable provision for their children, if your dad was not married to your half brothers mother, then you are the next of kin. You should challenge any will he made.

handsfree · 02/03/2017 20:47

I don't have any advice but I think that's outrageous behaviour on the part of your sm. She must have known that the fair thing to do was split it. Do you think she would have told your dad that she would and he just took her word for it?
i am outraged on your behalf. I would not be able to let this lie I don't think. Do you genuinely think that your father would not have wanted you to receive anything? Have you had any conversation about this with your db?

thenightsky · 02/03/2017 20:52

What Ihatethedailymail1 says... challenge it.

I think DH is going to be in a similar situation soon. His wealthy father married a single mother of two. He has died since. When she dies, everything will go to her two children who are not even blood relations of DH and his father.

Cynara · 02/03/2017 20:53

Did your SM actively leave everything to your brother, or did she die without leaving a will so he inherited as next of kin?

Sewingbeatshousework · 02/03/2017 20:53

My granddad has just died, he had 1 child (my dad), his 2nd wife died 3 years ago, she had 2 children.

Everything is being split between their 3 children equity. I would've thought that was the norm. I

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 02/03/2017 20:57

I suspect he expected His partner to leave the estate split equally between you. Unless all the money belonged to her and your dad brought nothing to the relationship then that's morally what should have happened in my view. I think you should seek legal advice on the basis that it was reasonable to expect a portion of your dad's estate once his partner had also died and had no need of it for elderly care. Alternatively I believe your brother, as beneficiary could make a variation on the will to have some left to you.
In mine and DH's case we have a fairly straightforward pair of wills which have been designed to treat his DD/my DSD and our two DCs equally, and bearing in mind that there is a good chance one of us at least will need the majority of the money to pay for care in old age/and/or might remarry if the other dies a bit earlier than expected. So we have left a small amount to each of them on the death of the first of us, and everything else to be split equally on the death of the other. We are not going to have inheritance tax to worry about as our assets are beneath the threshold, and we are of an age that we are unlikely to have anymore children. It does rely somewhat on trusting the one who is left not to alter their will, however at least al 3 DCs will have had some money anyway on the first death.

lalalalyra · 02/03/2017 21:01

Wills are public so the first thing you need to do is look at your Dad's will and see what it said.

One of three things has happened -

You were left something in your Dad's will, but never given it
You weren't left something in the assumption (as many make) that your SM would split everything between you and your brother
You weren't left anything because your Dad didn't think

You won't be able to work out which without seeing your Dad's will.

Did your SM leave a will? If she died intestate that could have complicated matters.

coconutpie · 02/03/2017 21:07

You need to challenge that will. Seek legal advice ASAP.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 02/03/2017 21:10

For her to inherit he must have left a will. Both English and Scots law say you can't cut children out completely .
Currently in Scotland claim is only on moveable property not land and houses so at the moment (that is being changed, wrongly in my view)

Doilooklikeatourist · 02/03/2017 21:16

Sadly , I think this is quite common
( Mum died , dad remarried , left everything to his second wife )
She already had 2 children . They will undoubtedly inherit everything
It's not right , but that's what happens

Desperina · 02/03/2017 21:23

Assuming your dad made this will through a solicitor I would be astounded if this were a simple oversight. There are straightforward provisions for this kind of family structure.

You should absolutely seek legal advice and view the will.

stella23 · 02/03/2017 21:28

Ours is split 50/50 each of us can decide what to do with 50% mine goes 25% each to my ds's and dp 50% is spilt 3 ways equally for his dc's

reallyanotherone · 02/03/2017 21:32

Can it be challenged though?

I know some of you are saying adequate provision must be made for children, but o/p was an adult when he died- or so i'm inferring as they moved an hour away without her, and she's never lived with her mum. Teen when baby brother was born = over 18 when he was 5 and they moved for school.

I don't think people have to make provision for adult children? Or there'd be will challenging all over the place...