To ask if step children are involved how your wills are written?

[Notyourusualfamilysetup]

Bit of a back story to me asking! Just me and dad for a long time, he got into a relationship when I was in my teens and they had my brother (his girlfriends only child). They moved an hour away when DB started school for him to go to a good private school and I stayed in my home town although still saw them regularly, my SM was lovely to me but haven't seen that much of her in recent years.

Sadly my dad died when my brother was quite young, he was a very wealthy man and left everything to SM (fair enough) she sadly passed recently and left everything to my brother.

She was a SAHM and the large inheritance that my DB now has was from my fathers very successful businesses and estates that he left to SM.

The money is not as much what bothers me, although believe me I could really use even a fraction of it. I would give all the money in the world to have my father back but I just wondered if this was a usual way of doing things?

It has left me wondering if my dad had just forgotten about me, him and SM were never married so as I understand he actively made his will this way.

So AIBU to ask, if you are not in a nuclear family and step children etc are concerned, what is the set up of your wills? Have you factored in all children?

Sorry it's a bit of a morbid questions really.

These situations are awful and why my StepD had a little chat with me recently. My DM died and left everything to my SD until his death, when what's left will be split between myself and my SS/B's. He has since remarried to a woman who also has grown children (who I think were a little concerned about their self made DM's estate also) and he took me to one side to explain he has re-written his will a little but kept to his agreement with my DM and will honour me as will his new wife honour her DC's.

There was a time, in generations past, when the oldest son inherited all, I think because it was presumed daughters would have a husband to care for her financial needs?? Maybe your DD was a bit 'old school'?

That's awful and I would be really upset if I were you.

It's horrible that your brother hasn't thought to share with you.

If I were you I'd be curious to find out how it all happened.

I always think the best ways to split will is the normal way which is each partners will are split between their 'own' kids. Their are lots of exceptions though such as if one child has additional needs that means they can't work and need long term financial support, also there is a grey area where 'step' children may not have been formally adopted by the other parent but are for all intents and purposes their children as their biological parent is not on the scene.

It's a tricky area.

I think it would be worth taking legal advice.

Your father behaved very very badly, and your step-mother even more so. Both entirely thoughtless.

If your brother doesn't share it with you 50/50 he's a poor excuse for a human being.

I couldn't imagine not sharing if I was in your brothers shoes, guess you'll find out how he really feels about you and what kind of person he is.

From 2 sides.

For DHs DD we ringfenced a specific amount in his will for her. I get the rest and will leave it solely to our joint DC. We've worked together for what we have. Our Dc are much younger, one will be 17yrs younger, and have more need.

My DF died and rightly did not leave anything to me. If my SM should choose to leave me something I will pass it to my younger half siblings. I'm 14yrd older than them and do ok. They have more need. And tbh, what my DF and SM Built up has nothing to do with me.

My father was widowed and re-married - his new wife a widow. She had 4 kids, he had 2. My dad was nearly bankrupt but somehow managed to hold on to the house. My mum's dad had originally rented the house and my mum worked hard for the landlord, to persuade him to sell her the house. So it was all down to my late mum we had the house at all.

Mum's dearest and often expressed wish was one day one of us would inherit the (large) house and the other, the acre of land, where they could get planning permission and build a house. She said this many times but never made a will and died suddenly.

My stepmum was on benefits with 4 kids, living in a fairly rough area of a big city. She sold her house and the money wasn't a lot in those days even, and was used to build a two room extension on our house. So her equity was much smaller than my dad's and TBH, in a moral sense the house was possibly my mum's, more than his as her dad had rented itfor years, she knew the landlord and she worked in his fields for months, talking him into selling her it. Then later, when dad had problems, she somehow worked it so the house was kept.

My dad died a decade ago. A few years before he died he sold the house and the land with planning permission. An entire little estate now stands on my old back garden. I do know that before he could sell it, he had to produce my mums death certificate (I have it so he asked me for it is how I know). I have often wondered why?

He made a will with my stepmother and rather than reflect their relative equity and split her's between 4 and my dad's between 2 - the whole thing is split evenly 6 ways. Meaning my brother and I will end up with very little. When my stepmother eventually dies. And nothing stopping her changing the will, before then. Meanwhile even splitting it 4 ways her kids will have way more than their original equity.

I hav thought for years there should be laws to protect the kids of first marriages. Her kids should share between them precisely that amount (plus inflation) or rather, that precise % their mum put in. My brother and I should share between the 2 of us precisely what our parents put in altough arguably should be more as the house was, I suspect, my mum's and not really my dad's - or rather, became his by default when she died.

Stepfamilies are a nightmare. Should be legislation to protect the kids of a first marriage in the event of a second as it seems unfair the surviving partner can give away their kids' inheritance to strangers IF most of that inheritance was gained by the first wife/husband who pre-deceased. Really the house was my mother's to give away, and she was a lovely woman but even she wouldn't want 2/3rds of everything she ever worked for to end up in the hands of strangers.

My husband's uncle was widowed in old age and he hastily remarried a woman who then got him to change his will leaving nothing whatsoever to his own kids (the aunty had worked all her life and presumably assumed one day her kids would inherit something). He died not long after and this woman now has everything. It wasn't just the money but the sheer callous betrayal, that got to husband's cousins.

Must admit we were always suspicious of my SM because she too was very very quick off the mark re. making wills, and never stopped going on about it or how 'fair' it was to split it 6 ways. I'd have one day owned my own home and now I'll essentially have next to nothing. It's hard to take that, as well as to take the fact my mum's often expressed wishes were just trampled in the mud.

This is what happened to my cousin, my uncle left all to his new wife and refused to have any stipulations in the will as "there is no need, she will be totally fair". When she died she left it all to her DCs with the exception of a photo album.

My parents are both dead now, but they both had wills leaving everything split between my two siblings and me. My eldest brother has a different mum. He will also inherit his mums estate when she passes away, but that is much smaller. My patents were always very open about how they were splitting things, but if they hadn't split everything equally, we would absolutely have done so ourselves. We all also inherited a smaller amount from mums mum as well, if she hadn't included my brother I wouldn't have split that inheritance with him, I'm not quite sure why I see that as being different but I do. I guess because it's a smaller amount and he will also get an inheritance from his mum (and perhaps other family, i dont know). I'm very glad he did get included in Gran's will though, especially as I know my mum would have preferred that, although she was resigned to it not happening.

^For DHs DD we ringfenced a specific amount in his will for her. I get the rest and will leave it solely to our joint DC. We've worked together for what we have. Our Dc are much younger, one will be 17yrs younger, and have more need.
^

What would happen if you died first? Do you think your DH would still treat his DD differently from your joint D.C.? I can see that she should only inherit from 'his' side but it seems harsh for him to treat his D.C. differently. I guess extra provision should be made for kids who are still being supported by their parents though - but surely once they are past Uni age they should all be treated the same assuming no Health issues

This happened to me. Big age gap between and DB. DF died and left it all to SM who quickly remarried and I got to pick over my dad's belongings to see what I wanted to keep. My DF and GM had pooled their monies and bought a large property so that dad could care for her in her old age. I got a China cup when GM died. It isn't the money side that hurts the most, it's feeling like a second class citizen in your own family.

I have a SC who lives with us FT, we have have one DC (another one on the way as well). Money will be split equally, DSD mother is not financially independent and therefor she is not better off than what our DC would be.

If DSD mother had a number of assets etc, my DC may have have received a larger share.

Your problem isn't your SM, OP, she left everything to her only child, which is what most people would do. Your father cut you out of his will, he left everything to her and nothing to you, and as they weren't married he had to have done that specifically and purposefully.

That must hurt.

I'm sorry. It must be hard to feel forgotten.

I'm not sure 50/50 is actually the fair way. I think you should have had a quarter - half of your Dad's half, if that makes sense.

I'd be gutted. Any decent sibling would give you a share. 'D'B is being greedy.

That's a bit unfair, his mother just died. And he might not know that OP got nothing from her father, he was very young when his father died, he might well assume (as most people would) that she got plenty from him.

I think it is terrible that neither your dad or sm left you nothing.

It happened to my friend and her sister. Their dad died and left everything to his SC and wife, who immediately cut contact. His dad, their gf was fuming and changed his will "to even it up" so they inherited everything of his between them a few years later.

Don't have step children, but something that my DH is pretty obsessed with is our inheritance. Macabre as fuck, but that's another thread.

A relative elderly in her years has changed her will, it was that GC would get 'x' and then DC would get half of what's left. It's now half goes to each DC, they distribute as they want.

Seeing as GGC are now involved it was going to get messy, so it seemed the fairest option.

I've seen threads before where you have DH & DW who have grown up children, the will is written and OP is hopping because why should SS/SB get any of DM/DDad's money.

The best way I saw was that assets are split as seen by the couple. So DDad could leave so much to a remaining spouse, (bearing in mind they will have agreed assets and each persons share of property prior to death) then shares of capital to DC. Say a property is involved, DC don't get their portion until SM has passed away or sells. I hope this makes sense.

So say DDad had savings of £100'000 plus a 50% stake in a property. The money and the stake in the property is split according to what DDad stipulated in will. To make it easy, Dad has 2 children and a wife, the wife gets 1/2 of his share and the children get 1/4 of the property. So a cash sum of say £33'000, plus 1/8 of a property. You may thank, that's unfair as SMum has 1 child who gets more than you, but I'd say not all SMum's are evil, they may leave a provision for you to inherit a more equal share, say a further 1/8, so then you have 1/4 of the property upon death. Step sibling gets 1/2 of the property and whatever else.

Or another example, DDad has £100'000, 50% of that goes to SMum, 25% to each of you, then you hold 25% in shares of the property, which you receive upon death of SMum or sale of the property. In the same scenario they could see you as all equal in the property, he trusts SMum not to change the will, I don't know if she can legally, maybe a condition is written in that upon the death of SMum all 3 children get 1/3 of the property. Or you and your sibling are entitled to 2/3. The final 1/3 is for SMum to do as she wishes. I think it could be appealed though if SSibling is arsey.

I prefer to think people aren't such vultures and go with the deceased persons wishes.

I don't know much about it, but a relative has 3 children of their own and 2 step children. At the end of it all there will be 1 property plus joint savings. So it would be interesting to know how that's going to work. But input has been equal by both parties, all children are treated the same as we speak.

Imagine how convoluted it could get if say SMum remarries or cohabits after the death of her spouse. More step children are bought into the equation. I'm guessing for a probate lawyer that is a field day. Definitely a nice hot holiday somewhere exclusive after all that work. I would say in that circumstance you want to ensure assets such as property is split with your children upon death, so they're guaranteed a sum.

I am afraid its very common. Usually down to fucking stupid men not listening to the advice they are paying for.

I suspect you father would have been advised to leave assets in trust for you which your sm had a life time interest in. I suspect he said no dont worry she will do the right thing, which she didn't.

These things are SO common as any solicitor dealing with wills/probate will tell you.
You can challenge it.

Usually down to fucking stupid men not listening to the advice they are paying for.

Yes. Or just not thinking about those they love ...

In our will it is all split between our children not my stepsons. This is because my stepsons will both inherit from their mothers. So our money is for our children who are also a lot younger. Both my stepsons have their own homes etc with their wives.

I can see why these things happen though.

Husband and 2nd wife go to a solicitor who basically says 'you can't trust your spouse to do the right thing after you die so do this if you want your own kids to inherit'

One turns to the other and says 'you trust me dont you darling?'

marbles has it - people want to assume their spouse will do what they would, but when it comes down to it, widowed spouse only really cares about their own child.

Friend of mine has the opposite situation - father remarried new woman who had similar-age nearly-grown-up children. New woman slowly turns out to be complete nightmare and the children worse. They have mirror wills leaving everything to the spouse. She dies, father inherits all her house etc, and he purposefully creates a will to confirm everything goes to his child only. Thankfully the estate agents and solicitors are dealing with the joy of selling the woman's house and trying to prevent the stepsiblings trashing it. I don't blame them for being furious but they really really deserve it.

I have a stepson and children and we have a complex flowchart in our wills regarding who would look after whom and who inherits what money in trust. My kids and dss will both inherit money from maternal grandparents separately, and if I died before DH, then he would in turn pass money to all three. My parents were a bit sniffy that some of their money could possibly end up with dss if they left it to me, but seem to understand that if both they and I are dead, there really are more important things to worry about!

Not me but DH's dad remarried and has sadly since passed away.

House was owned as tenants in common ( I think) and when FIL died his share was left to DH and his Dsis, SMIL is able to live the rest of her life in the house but when she passes away ( hopefully in many years time- we get on well) her share will go to her 2 children and dh and his sis will have their share.

Sorry op, sounds like a hurtful situation. The problem here lies with your df actions unfortunately. To your SM she didn't raise you and maybe that made her feel more so inclined to leave it to her child. You could however try to get a hold of it to make sure.