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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL enforced diet - I know IANBU, but I need to vent!

301 replies

winobaglady · 02/03/2017 18:28

My in laws are lovely, I enjoy visiting them. We see them about every 3 months for a long weekend.

But oh man, at mealtimes.... she cooks a lovely dinner, dishing up tasty treats from her kitchen, but... why oh why does my DH and my FIL get 4 or 5 juicy slices of chicken breast and she dishes me and her 1 bit of breast and a thigh? Hos come the boys get 4 roast potatoes and the girls get 2? Same with veg, and desert.

And wine, if DH has a second glass - well "that''s boys". If I manage to get a second glass it's "now, you don't want to overdo it".

Argh! Just. Why?

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 05/03/2017 13:28

But back to the point of the thread, I agree with just asking all the adults (and teens/ older children if sensible) how much they would like.

I do normally do the plate in the middle of the table thing too.

In our house it goes children, guests adults/ au pair then parents. The guest adults would be oldest to youngest (drives my Dad mad as he thinks he should go before my Mum but he can't as he his younger Grin )

Stbxh has a small appetite and slow metabolism so doesn't eat that much, I.e. about the same as me or a bit less at meals. Hes not thin at all but the one sensible thing about him is he knows he doesn't need loads of fuel. I was a bit surprised when we got a male au pair how much some men eat and have adjusted my cooking accordingly.

But as others have said, it's an individual thing and adults should be allowed to make their own choice.

blackteasplease · 05/03/2017 13:28

Sorry for essay.

PuddleJumper01 · 05/03/2017 14:58

Who made Gwen Queen of the MN Food Police? You come across as very uptight and unpleasant with your comments, which suggest you scrutinise the people sat at your table and decide who eats what and how much. Given that this thread is about hosting, it's really not nice. I for one, and I'm sure other posters too, am thinking "Hope I never eat at HER house" or even in the same restaurant... Having you judge my meal? Hell, no!

OP, glad your DH on the case. Eat well next time!

AnoiseAnnoysanOyster · 05/03/2017 16:19

I think the leg is the best bit, much juicier and has more flavour. But yanbu.

itsawonderfulworld · 05/03/2017 16:33

The leg and wings are by far the best bits, but other than that YANBU.

I can relate re MIL controlling diet. My skinny-as-a-rake DS who eats a reasonably healthy diet (has to be coaxed about veggies but does ok) LOVES crispy skin, and is allowed to have a small piece whenever we have a roast chicken at home (I admit, it's my own guilty pleasure too). Christmas at the ILs, MIL is supervising the carving of the turkey (that she has cooked beautifully), grabs all the gorgeously crispy skin and is about to put it in the bin when I pipe up "DS would like a piece of that please, it's his favourite bit (and mine too)!" Her reply? "Well he shouldn't be eating that, it's far too unhealthy. He can't have it in my house and neither can you!" She proceeds to bin most of it, putting the remainder in the dog's bowl :(

Every. Bloody. Time.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 16:37

"I'm not over doing it - just having a second drink the same as DH - why would you say that ?"

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 18:52

PuddleJumper01, do you have a grown up argument to say other than just 'Gwen's not nice and everyone agrees with me'.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 18:53

" the bigger people get more potatoes and veg or whatever to fill up on."

blackteas, you agree with me that bigger people need more food then.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 18:54

"On average teenage boys will need a bit more than girls, but a teenage girl (particularly if active) will need more food than her mother, and probably her father too."

Teenage boys tend to be voracious eaters. I didn't know that teenage girls need more food than their mothers (they may be on average about an inch taller, but...).

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 18:57

"if someone who is overweight wants to eat too large a portion it is their decision....!"

Yes, of course, I wouldn't prevent them, but why do you have to encourage it? Same as you wouldn't encourage an alcoholic to drink.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 18:59

" apportioning other people's food according to your opinion as to how much food they should have is appallingly rude."

In that case, giving everyone an equal amount would also be rude as it's still your opinion that everyone should be eating the same amount.

PuddleJumper01 · 05/03/2017 19:00

Don't worry, Gwen, you're doing it everso well all by yourself.

ToastDemon · 05/03/2017 19:02

Gwen you're obsessed.
My MIL has tendencies in this direction and really she should know better. One of DH's sisters has hollow legs... huge appetite and easily becomes underweight if she's a bit busy or stressed. DH on the other hand is prone to weight gain.
It's really rude deciding how much another adult should have to eat. I like a big dinner as I don't eat much during the day and I do not appreciate going to bed hungry.
At least they don't stint on the wine.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 19:02

Puddle, still no proper arguments then?

Believeitornot · 05/03/2017 19:04

I do quite a lot of exercise. Running and high intensive stuff.

This means I can usually pack away more than DH.

I'm a size 8.....

So I would be pissed off of my MIL tried to restrict my food intake!

Klaphat · 05/03/2017 19:07

When I mentioned to my GP that I wanted to lose weight, she said the main reason women put weight on in their 20s and 30s is they start to live with a man and start serving up equal sized portions! And that is exactly what I had been doing.

This is exactly what happened to me! Went from a size 10-12 to a size 14-16 in the space of a couple of years after moving in with DH.

Though OP is NBU. Of course she should be offered the chance to have as much as anyone else, if she wants it. And she should certainly be offered the nice cuts too.

ItsNachoCheese · 05/03/2017 19:09

gwen remind me never to have dinner at yours Hmm

echt · 05/03/2017 19:12

At my very first Australian barbie, two women were putting out big plates of the cooked meats for the guests, saying, "Steaks over there for the men". I chose a steak for my plate. The looks on their faces. Shock They really thought women shouldn't have the steak. Jesus. I'm glad to say It's the only time I've encountered such antiquated views.

Gwen, giving people equal amounts on the first round of a meal is not rude, unless someone has requested only a little, it's just being fair.

Semaphorically · 05/03/2017 19:20

echt All the Australian barbies I've been to (lots, I grew up there) didn't segregate steak consumption by sex. You must have been in some kind of backwater!

echt · 05/03/2017 19:23

I'm glad to hear it, Semaphorically. The backwater was very middle-class Melbourne.

motherinferior · 05/03/2017 19:30

Gwen, we get it. You don't think women should eat very much. You've said the same on other threads where women were complaining about not getting the same amount of food as men. OK. We get it. You think men should be given more food than women.

We just don't agree. Or certainly don't agree that women should be given smaller amounts of different food than men.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 19:31

"It's really rude deciding how much another adult should have to eat."

So the people giving equal amounts are just as rude.
I agree that ideally everyone would serve themselves, but as I've mentioned earlier, not everyone has a big enough table for this or the food being served doesn't lend itself well to it so if the host is doing the deciding, why is it any better to give equal amounts leading to nobody having the right amount for them?

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 19:32

"Gwen, giving people equal amounts on the first round of a meal is not rude, unless someone has requested only a little, it's just being fair."

It's not fair though is it if you're giving too much to some and not enough to others. To each according to their need would be fair.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 19:33

"You think men should be given more food than women.

We just don't agree. "

But you've given no reason for it, other than 'it's not nice' or 'it's rude'.

PickledCauliflower · 05/03/2017 19:34

Gwen

Having a meal with family once every three months should be a joy - not a calorie measuring exercise.

When I eat with family and friends, I eat more than I normally would. It's not every day do this, but I do when I am relaxing and having a good time.

Also, it's not the business of the host to decide who has how many calories during a meal. For all they know, a female guest may have had very little eat that day, and a male guest could have ate a three course meal two hours before!
As mentioned before, some people are more active than others and / or burn energy differently.

I am going out for an Indian meal on Wednesday. I will eat more calories than I need and will have a lovely time.
Isn't this what everyone does from time to time?