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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL enforced diet - I know IANBU, but I need to vent!

301 replies

winobaglady · 02/03/2017 18:28

My in laws are lovely, I enjoy visiting them. We see them about every 3 months for a long weekend.

But oh man, at mealtimes.... she cooks a lovely dinner, dishing up tasty treats from her kitchen, but... why oh why does my DH and my FIL get 4 or 5 juicy slices of chicken breast and she dishes me and her 1 bit of breast and a thigh? Hos come the boys get 4 roast potatoes and the girls get 2? Same with veg, and desert.

And wine, if DH has a second glass - well "that''s boys". If I manage to get a second glass it's "now, you don't want to overdo it".

Argh! Just. Why?

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 19:35

" it's not the business of the host to decide who has how many calories during a meal"

But if the host is giving everyone the same amount, she is also deciding how many calories everyone is having? In fact, she determines that when she decides what to cook.

PickledCauliflower · 05/03/2017 19:36

Gwen
I think most hosts just try and put a good spread on, hope there is enough for everyone and that they enjoy it.

Basicbrown · 05/03/2017 19:47

But if the host is giving everyone the same amount, she is also deciding how many calories everyone is having?

Well not unless he/she force feeds them the excess they don't want. I have honestly never read some much utter shite in my life.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 20:00

"not unless he/she force feeds them the excess they don't want. "

People of my generation have been brought up with 'finish your plate' so many will probably force themselves to finish it, or it could be wasted, which is terrible.

ToastDemon · 05/03/2017 20:04

I assure you Gwen nothing will be wasted if I get the same amount of chicken breast as DH.
On the other hand, if I'm given less I will be hungry and offended, which is also pretty terrible!

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 20:07

Why would you be hungry if not given a man's portion Toast?
Just because you would not need to force yourself to finish your plate or waste anything, doesn't mean that the average woman wouldn't if given the same amount as a man.

ToastDemon · 05/03/2017 20:09

Wtf is a "man's portion"? DH and I always have the same amount of protein so yes I get hungry if I'm randomly given less!
He's overweight and I'm not, btw. I exercise a lot more than him.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 05/03/2017 20:14

The average woman needs 2000 calories a day and the average man needs 2500.

So assuming the 5 slices of juicy mean and 4 roast potatoes is reasonable for a man then 4 slices of juicy meat plus 3 large or 4 small potatoes is probably a good starting point for a woman. 1 slice of meat, a leg and 2 potatoes is ridiculous.

PickledCauliflower · 05/03/2017 20:18

I will be hungry after an evening meal, if I don't get "a mans portion". I don't eat much during the day, I like to have a big meal in the evening.

DrinksFewAndPeopleMany · 05/03/2017 20:27

I don't know that teenage girls need any more than their mothers
Gwenhwyfar why would they not need more as teenage boys do? At the peak of physical and mental development teenage boys and girls need about a thousand calories more a day than an adult.
I have to say, your posts give the impression of a controlling and disordered attitude to food.

PandoraMole · 05/03/2017 20:32

Haha! We have the opposite in our house - me, mum and DD get the chicken breast and dad gets stuck with leg/thigh. Mum (78yo) has never liked the darker meat or anything on the bone and it's stuck.

In 20 years I don't remember exMIL (68yo) ever serving a whole chicken - she usually just did thighs. Any joint was always carved in the kitchen and brought to table for people to help themselves.

Your MIL sounds very old school! Perhaps you need to comment on how old fashioned she is to provoke her into changing her ways.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 20:41

And misogyny...

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 20:42

"why would they not need more as teenage boys do?"

Because they finish growing earlier. I admit I'm not an expert on how much food teenagers need and am happy to be corrected about that, but I do know that teenage boys have a reputation for eating a lot and being hungry very often.
Men do need more food than women though (in most cases).

I have a healthy attitude to food.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 20:43

"DH and I always have the same amount of protein so yes I get hungry if I'm randomly given less!"

Not sure if you are the poster who exercises a lot, but if you are eating the same as your DH, it's mot likely that you eat too much or he eats too little.

ToastDemon · 05/03/2017 20:59

Neither. Hence me being normal weight and him being overweight. Which would suggest the exact opposite really wouldn't it.

DrinksFewAndPeopleMany · 05/03/2017 21:07

Gwenhwyfar yes a teenage girl will reach this point earlier than a teenage boy. An increased calorie requirement persists until the late teens for both sexes.
I have a healthy attitude to food pleased to hear it. It is not the impression given on this thread.

motherinferior · 05/03/2017 21:15

A healthy attitude to food is, IMO, one that above all enjoys nice food and tries to eat a fair amount of fruit and veg and not to have too much cake, and accepts that some days you are going to eat 'too much' and doesn't police every mouthful or feel it's important to eat less than anyone else.

AgeingArtemis · 05/03/2017 21:27

Gwen an 18 year old girl, despite having mostly finished growing, has an calorie requirement of around 2,400 calories (according to the NHS website). Whilst this is considerably less than a boy the same age (3000), it is still much more than an average adult woman (1800-2000) and comparable to an adult man. If you add on plenty of exercise, as many girls do, then yes she may need close to 3000 calories.

I was a hungry teenage girl myself Grin. My brother [2 years younger] would eat more than me at meal times (we both ate more than our parents) but I was more likely to snack than he was. He was a book worm, and I was a keen hockey player so I think our requirements were roughly the same. I would have been most put out if he had been given seconds of crumble but not me!

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 21:28

Motherinferior - yes, I agree more or less about a healthy attitude to food, but giving men more food than women isn't "polic[ing] every mouthful"

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 21:31

I was a ravenous teenager. I used to have 2 dinners and ten supper quite regularly.

I was and still am considered underweight medically speaking .

Birdsbeesandtrees · 05/03/2017 21:31

And then supper. Not ten ! Shock

PuddleJumper01 · 05/03/2017 22:50

Why are you all feeding the bear? She's utterly tedious. Has completely de-railed the thread ( the OP hasn't been on for pages, which I think is a real shame as I thought she seemed great, and I was hoping she'd update after the next meal).

The silly cow (not the OP!) is SPOILING for a fight. She's poked me at least twice.

Every time she posts my fav line from HP and the P.S. runs through my head... "Aunt Petunia looked like she'd sucked a lemon" which seems pretty apt in her case!

feckitt · 05/03/2017 22:54

She hates you.

blackteasplease · 06/03/2017 00:26

Oh just to answer the bit directed at me - I should have said they can fill up on potatoes etc if they want to as can anyone else if they want to.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2017 07:31

Is it me you're calling a cow Puddle?