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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL enforced diet - I know IANBU, but I need to vent!

301 replies

winobaglady · 02/03/2017 18:28

My in laws are lovely, I enjoy visiting them. We see them about every 3 months for a long weekend.

But oh man, at mealtimes.... she cooks a lovely dinner, dishing up tasty treats from her kitchen, but... why oh why does my DH and my FIL get 4 or 5 juicy slices of chicken breast and she dishes me and her 1 bit of breast and a thigh? Hos come the boys get 4 roast potatoes and the girls get 2? Same with veg, and desert.

And wine, if DH has a second glass - well "that''s boys". If I manage to get a second glass it's "now, you don't want to overdo it".

Argh! Just. Why?

OP posts:
RedSauce · 02/03/2017 19:41

What kind of a loon prefers breast over thighs/legs? Shock

BananaThePoet · 02/03/2017 19:49

RedSauce - my husband prefers breast and I prefer thighs/legs/wings. I don't understand his preference and he doesn't understand mine but it means we are perfectly suited like Jack Spratt and his wife Smile

BuggersMuddle · 02/03/2017 19:50

RedSauce I used to really prefer leg / thigh. That's until I discovered my DM / DF can't bloody cook chicken.

Back to the same size man / woman thing though. Policing guests is rude, even if they actually eat far too much and are fat. Unless they're gobbling other people's share, they're self-policing is entirely up to them.

Equally though, I'd never put out too much. There are some people I know will eat a big / small portion always. Others I tend to ask.

DPIL always ask me because although I'm really small, if they get me on a light meal day where I've done 2hrs exercise I am likely to stuff my face on any savoury course / the main. DP on the other hand (at a foot taller) will choose to eat a far smaller main than me, in favour of scarfing cake like it's going out of fashion. Plenty of ours friends & family have seen me 'out eat' DP, they just don't have the context (which is broadly, I exercise more and in any case, there's more than 1 meal in a day so he'll have eaten far more overall regardless).

Gwenhwyfar · 02/03/2017 19:59

The average man needs more food than the average woman.

SouthernNorthernGirl · 02/03/2017 20:06

daffy Interesting, I can see the logic in that. Did you follow the advice? If so, how did it go?

glitterazi · 02/03/2017 20:21

And wine, if DH has a second glass - well "that''s boys". If I manage to get a second glass it's "now, you don't want to overdo it

Ooooh! Angry I'd be swiping extra potatoes off DH's plate and wrestling the wine bottle out of her hand Grin

Original poster
winobaglady · 02/03/2017 21:08

I'm not alone, then! Smile

OP posts:
Bigbertha123 · 02/03/2017 21:19

My MIL always gives me the biggest portion out of everyone! She knows I like my food and says she loves cooking for someone who always finishes their dinner.

Joffmognum · 02/03/2017 23:26

I get exactly the same! I have dinner round MILl's several times a week (they live down the road), and I both heavily exercise and am breastfeeding a very hungry baby. I need the same amount of food DH should have, but I get bird portions. If I was heavier, id think she was suggesting something, but I'm certainly not. I always ask for seconds and often have to get a sandwich straight after.

PuddleJumper01 · 02/03/2017 23:50

There's an easy answer to this winobaglad, if your DH loves you.

HE swaps his plate for yours. HE tips his wine into your glass, then HE asks for more.

Problem solved.

You shouldn't be having to do this, they are his parents.

user1484394242 · 03/03/2017 00:44

I'm a loon. I eat the breast. Since my last pregnancy I haven't been able to eat the dark part of the chicken.

Basicbrown · 03/03/2017 11:41

It's not up to anyone to police what people eat. BUT: if a woman eats what a same-sized man with the same activity levels eats - she will put on excess weight. Sorry, but it's true.

No it isn't at individual rather than whole population level. Some people put on weight less easily than others.

kaitlinktm · 03/03/2017 12:30

One was a 'ladies' chair and the other was a 'men's' chair. So one with a shorter seat for shorter female legs and the other for men with a longer seat

I didn't even know this was a thing! I must go and look at some ladies' chairs and try them out. Shortest legs in the world Sad

5foot5 · 03/03/2017 13:25

What happens when they come to you? If you make a point of giving everyone equal portions does she object or does she eat the lot?

If she says anything like "Oh I can't eat as much as the men" surely that is your cue to see "Really? How odd! I know I can". Might give her pause for thought

Gwenhwyfar · 04/03/2017 19:12

"Policing guests is rude, even if they actually eat far too much and are fat. "

Would you encourage an alcoholic to drink? If not, why would you encourage overweight people to overeat?

haveacupoftea · 04/03/2017 19:23

Its not about weight or calorie intake though is it? Its about the men being much more important and the women only deserving the leftover scraps. Urgh.

PickledCauliflower · 04/03/2017 19:46

Well, even if someone is a bit overweight - they still have to eat! I wouldn't compare offering food to guests to encouraging alcoholics to drink.

And I would imagine in this type of scenario, overweight male guests would be given even larger portions..

Basicbrown · 04/03/2017 19:50

Would you encourage an alcoholic to drink? If not, why would you encourage overweight people to overeat?

Wow you must be an interesting host.....

ithakabythesea · 04/03/2017 19:51

I hate people who dish food up for you, for the opposite reason. I am a small woman with a correspondingly small appetite and it looks rude to continuously leave food. I hate feeling forced to eat more than I want - I am careful with my diet to maintain my slim figure, which does require some discipline as a short woman in her 50s and my body is used to small portions and I don't want to change that. Really, the food should be on serving bowls on the table and people should help themselves.

MatildaTheCat · 04/03/2017 20:01

OP, ask your dp to help prepare the meals so he can ensure enough potatoes are peeled etc. And get him to suggest serving dishes so you can all select how much you feel like eating at any given time.

Surely most people use serving dishes when hosting rather than decide for someone what they want or need?

Re the wine just laugh and say she can start warning you when you start on the second bottle rather than glass?

theclick · 04/03/2017 20:05

This is my MIL all over. I also detest how she "plates up" differently for different people. Oh he wants less veg, he wants more potatoes, etc. I do everyone's the same. When she asks me who's plate is who's, I tell her - they are all the same. Makes her well annoyed. And yes, my DH is always offered the best bits and the leftovers at the end (if there are any, as she cooks so little).

ThisThingCalledLove · 04/03/2017 20:14

I would never put food on people's plates for them without consulting them. It just seems so presumptuous! Even if it's just us and the DC, I tend to stick everything on the table and let them help themselves, or if I dish up for them I would say "how many potatoes would you like?". Especially for DC I think it's important for them to learn how much they need to eat rather than just shovelling it in Grin

Portion size is a minefield though, I truly think we have lost sight of this. I used to eat the same as DH, could eat a full carton of takeaway food etc. Of course I was overweight. Then I was ill and it seemed to "reset" my appetite. I have realised that DH is over a foot taller than me and (now) about three stone heavier (he's skinny) and is miles more active, I literally eat a third of what he does. On the rare occasions we eat out, we get two main courses, I eat half of mine, he eats his and the other half of mine. Works well for us Smile Then I eat both of our puddings

Basicbrown · 05/03/2017 10:03

Portion size is a minefield though, I truly think we have lost sight of this. I used to eat the same as DH, could eat a full carton of takeaway food etc. Of course I was overweight.

I eat the same portions as DH. He does more exercise than me and is 1cm taller. I weigh 1/2 a stone less than him. Not that I eat takeaways though, we eat healthily. I think what you eat is equally important to portion size in weight control. A while plateful of food can be less calories than a small portion of something else.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 10:23

"Well, even if someone is a bit overweight - they still have to eat!"

Yes, but not large portions.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 10:25

"Its not about weight or calorie intake though is it? Its about the men being much more important and the women only deserving the leftover scraps. Urgh."

How do you know why the MIL is doing it?