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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL enforced diet - I know IANBU, but I need to vent!

301 replies

winobaglady · 02/03/2017 18:28

My in laws are lovely, I enjoy visiting them. We see them about every 3 months for a long weekend.

But oh man, at mealtimes.... she cooks a lovely dinner, dishing up tasty treats from her kitchen, but... why oh why does my DH and my FIL get 4 or 5 juicy slices of chicken breast and she dishes me and her 1 bit of breast and a thigh? Hos come the boys get 4 roast potatoes and the girls get 2? Same with veg, and desert.

And wine, if DH has a second glass - well "that''s boys". If I manage to get a second glass it's "now, you don't want to overdo it".

Argh! Just. Why?

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 02/03/2017 18:51

I remember when I was a kid, in my best friend's house the men (dad, uncle and big brother) would eat first, and they'd get meat and two veg, the meat being a chop or something. The women and girls (nan - who did all the cooking and worked like a dog, mum, big sister and us) would get fed second, and it would be also meat and two veh, except the meat would invariably be mince, stretched thin.

It's probably 40 years ago but it still makes me grind my teeth,. remembering it.

FeckinCrutches · 02/03/2017 18:55

Just out of interest, do you all eat the same size portions of food at home? There is no way I could eat what my DH puts away, I'd burst! Grin

FeckinCrutches · 02/03/2017 18:55

I do realise that's not exactly the point of the thread though..

TheOnlyColditz · 02/03/2017 18:57

YY to swapping plates with your husband. If she catsbummouths you, just grin at her with a mouth full of gravy

TyneTeas · 02/03/2017 18:57

Lively, not lovely...

JustCallMeKate · 02/03/2017 18:57

Feckin I probably eat more than my DH. I have hollow legs

KarmaKit · 02/03/2017 18:59

We eat about the same usually at home. He's much bigger than me but doesn't eat loads.

FeckinCrutches · 02/03/2017 19:01

I think maybe I just can't eat big portions, I'd rather have 5 small meals a day Grin

Iamnuts · 02/03/2017 19:04

I'm a mother, and a MIL and I would never ever put food onto people's plates. A joint of meat is carved and family or guests help themselves, same with vegetables, in dishes on the table and we pass them round till everyone is served. Some eat more, some less and if there is some left over there is always someone to polish it off. Any food remaining can be made into a meal for one or two the next day. For a lot of people I serve all the food buffet-style from the kitchen table, and they can go back for more if they want.

That way no-one can really "police" how much people are eating, and no awkward questions as to why you're not eating/drinking according to some non-existent standards.

SweetChickadee · 02/03/2017 19:07

DH eats at least twice what I do. But then he is 6'4" and does a more physical job than me...

Laiste · 02/03/2017 19:08

I'd rather have leg (or wing) than breast. But YANBU.

throughgrittedteeth · 02/03/2017 19:09

See this is why I put all the food out on the table when people come round for tea!

PickledCauliflower · 02/03/2017 19:11

I would be tempted to announce a trip to the fish and chip shop an hour after dinner - and return with a bottle of wine :)

I had an uncle (now dead) that seemed obsessed with body weight and calorie consumption. I remember him saying that men need more calories than women - just to maintain their current body weight.
I pointed out to him that activity has plenty to with this. It doesn't apply to men with desk jobs who come home and throw themselves on the sofa - leaving their female partners to run around all day (physical job and most of the home care).
That was his situation - he sat on his arse all day and his wife was a nurse who also managed everything at home.

daffy00 · 02/03/2017 19:14

Because women need fewer calories than men.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/03/2017 19:18

Ohhhh. Male superiority is alive and well in my mother and brother. To such an extent that my mother and her husband bought matching sofa chairs..... but not the same size. One was a 'ladies' chair and the other was a 'men's' chair. So one with a shorter seat for shorter female legs and the other for men with a longer seat. Thing is at 5'7", my legs are the same length as my brother at 6'2". So the 'Men's' version is more comfy for me. Load of bollocks. She eats like a horse though so no small portions there.

Basicbrown · 02/03/2017 19:20

Because women need fewer calories than men.

Not necessarily, it rather depends on respective size and activity levels. Plus some people snack and others don't but eat more at mealtimes. It is ridiculous to assume that a woman will automatically eat less at mealtimes.

Alfieisnoisy · 02/03/2017 19:22

My Irish grandmother (born in 1905 so long dead) used to say "make sure the men have got enough" . It was a hang up from the days when the men did hard physical work and needed much more food.
It wasn't so much needed for my Dad who used to get a huge number of roast potatoes (think scaffolding in the side to keep em on the plate).
But as she dished up huge portions for everyone it was deemed okay.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 02/03/2017 19:24

2 roasties?

YNBU.

Surely the legal minimum is 3? Wink

I agree with a PP though. Get your dh on board to tell your MIL you're not a sparrow and need at least two slices.

PickledCauliflower · 02/03/2017 19:27

The calorie recommendations are daft really.

A 5ft 9 woman who has an active job. plays sports and runs a busy home will need a lot more calories than a 5ft 11 bloke who sits on his arse all day (at work and at home).

If we all had the same activity levels - men would burn more they as they are generally bigger.

It has to be individual, some people are on their feet all day and play various sports etc, others hardly move.

BuggersMuddle · 02/03/2017 19:30

daffy Well yes, in general an average women needs fewer calories, but when you have dinner guests who are adults it's rude to assume that any individual woman won't want the option of a normal adult portion. It's rude regardless to always give 'the best' bits to the men.

Plus with single meal, you don't necessarily know how active the people have been or what else they've eaten that day.

The extra calories also don't have to come from the most expensive / best bits if you need to stretch a meal or money is tight. Surely if those extra calories are needed, a decent portion of the good stuff could be supplemented with cheaper sides?

Didyoumeantobesorude1 · 02/03/2017 19:31

It's not up to anyone to police what people eat. BUT: if a woman eats what a same-sized man with the same activity levels eats - she will put on excess weight. Sorry, but it's true.

daffy00 · 02/03/2017 19:34

When I mentioned to my GP that I wanted to lose weight, she said the main reason women put weight on in their 20s and 30s is they start to live with a man and start serving up equal sized portions! And that is exactly what I had been doing. She advised me to have a smaller portion of dinner than DH as I didn't need to eat the same amount as him.

PointxTaken · 02/03/2017 19:35

Iamnuts thank you Flowers

I hate houses where you are being given a plate full of food instead of letting you helping yourself. It's fine in a restaurant where you don't have to finish your plate, but when you are trying to be polite in a private home, it's very unpleasant. Why do people do that!

My kids and I fight for chicken legs, no one likes the breasts so we have to take turn.

Blossomdeary · 02/03/2017 19:38

Just say you are hungry and would like some more please. And don't take no for an answer!

RubbishMantra · 02/03/2017 19:39

I think it's down to that old school way of thinking, where men were the 'bread-winners' and women were 'just'(!) house-wives.

If there was one piece of cake left - offered to my father first. He even claimed the portion of trifle that my 7 yr old self hadn't eaten, and saved for the next day. I'll never forget the smug look on his face as he kicked back, ankles crossed in his carver chair and ate it. Weird thing is, it was drummed into me by my parents to share.

Sorry, went off on a bit of a tangenty rant there! But it's saddening that all this bigger portions are for 'boys', and 'I am a lady, therefore I shall only eat a child size portion', still exists.