MIL enforced diet - I know IANBU, but I need to vent!

[winobaglady]

My in laws are lovely, I enjoy visiting them. We see them about every 3 months for a long weekend.

But oh man, at mealtimes.... she cooks a lovely dinner, dishing up tasty treats from her kitchen, but... why oh why does my DH and my FIL get 4 or 5 juicy slices of chicken breast and she dishes me and her 1 bit of breast and a thigh? Hos come the boys get 4 roast potatoes and the girls get 2? Same with veg, and desert.

And wine, if DH has a second glass - well "that''s boys". If I manage to get a second glass it's "now, you don't want to overdo it".

Argh! Just. Why?

" At least with too much they can simply leave some (not everyone has your issues). "

Everyone I know does - they think it's more polite to finish your plate. I have heard that in some countries it's the opposite, but ime most British people will try to finish their plate.

Gwen I'm genuinely curious - do you think those boys at your university should have got more square footage for their rent than the girls, as well as more food, because they were bigger?

Oh god this reminds me of the time that will go down in my family's history when my grandmother (mums mum) helped by my DM, gave out plates in order for us all already loaded with meat and to help ourselves to the rest. Reasonable you might think. Not fucking so when the women were given side plates and the men dinner plates with meat portions to match plate size. No other reason that women need women plates and men need men plates as I know she has enough dinner plates in the kitchen. I may have been in a touchy mood anyway and poor old mother got it both barrels, albeit in a very lighthearted but also serious way. She hasn't done it since!

"What's wrong with wanting to give people nice food because you like them?"

Whoever said there was something wrong with giving people nice food???

People with manners will finish their plate, they won't enjoy it, and resent having to stuff themselves sick instead of enjoying what could have been a nice diner.

You wouldn't force wine and more wine on your guests, would you? Why forcing food?

Stop dishing up the food, and let your guests/ friends/ family (male or female) eat what they want!

Sorry I got sidetracked. YANBU, your DH sounds as though he is being reasonable and MIL-BVVVU

So you are denying that men normally eat more than women???

What is "normal"? Normal is just a construct that allows social cohesion and reduces the likelihood of giving offence. It works when most of a society agree about something, and it doesn't mean "on average". It works better on behavioural things than factual matters like calories in/energy out/metabolism factored.

In this case clearly everyone doesn't agree that men eating more than women is "normal". You therefore stand to give offence if you offer men more food than women. Why would you want to offend people?

"do you think those boys at your university should have got more square footage for their rent than the girls, as well as more food, because they were bigger?"

I've already answered that question so you should read the thread, but to repeat I see no reason for them to have bigger rooms, but I don't have a problem with tall people getting seats with more leg room on planes even if they're paying the same as me. They need the leg room, I don't.

" clearly everyone doesn't agree that men eating more than women is "normal"."

Those people are wrong.

I'm going to refrain from being equally snippy back, Gwen, but seeing as you asserted earlier quite rightly that men on the whole are larger and have more muscle mass than women, that means that you think that in universities and shared houses up and down the country, men should be given first dibs on the larger rooms and not be charged any extra for the privilege.

Which blows my mind, quite frankly.

Gwen in the OP's first post there was a significant difference in the food on the plates, far greater than any calorific differences which may or may not be in the different requirements for men and women.

Differences in portioning up meat may affect the differences in protein intake and iron (yes, there are other sources but in a meat and two veg type meal, the protein and iron isn't in the gravy) and women need a greater proportion of iron.

It's about access to resources as much as portion size. You seem to think women should have less.

Next time round, having agreed in advance with your DH, conspicuously swap plates, for example at the table, and say:

"We've agreed that since I got the pauper's portion last time, it's DH's turn to be the pauper. Don't worry though, I can be the underfed pauper next time."

Those people are wrong.

😂😂😂

Sema I know, that made me laugh too

So you are denying that men normally eat more than women???

DH is 6'4 and weighs twice as much as I do. I'm too skinny. We eat the same size portion at dinner.

Within a healthy, balanced diet, a man needs around 10,500kJ (2,500kcal) a day to maintain his weight. For a woman, that figure is around 8,400kJ (2,000kcal) a day.
These values can vary depending on age, metabolism and levels of physical activity, among other things.

www.nhs.uk/chq/pages/1126.aspx?categoryid=51

its not a new concept...

Robotic, I said normally, not 'in every case'. If you're eating the same one of you must be overeating or the other is undereating unless there are some special circumstances.

Surely 4-5 slices is half a chicken? There's no way I could eat that amount.

"You seem to think women should have less."

Women need less food, yes. I've said many times that I'm not commenting on the type of chicken being given as I don't know enough about chicken being a lapsed vegetarian.

Shout, I don't know how many times I've said I have no opinion on size of room a person should get, my point is about the amount of food. I said it in my comment at 1600 and earlier.

But your logic is so flawed!

I delighted in the day that my Dad realised that I not only eat as much as him but I can drink him under the table.

My mum, god rest her soul, never approved of me drinking beer from a pint glass. Ladies have halves. not in my bloody local they dont

We've gone so far from the topic of the MIL now that I feel no compunction about asking what being a lapsed vegetarian has to do with unfamiliarity with the anatomy of a cooked chicken.