Does anyone remember the bride in Wales charging £££ for hotel rooms?

[cousinswedding]

I don't know of any of you will remember me. I posted months ago when my cousin was planning her wedding in a Welsh castle hundreds of miles away from where we all live. Her wedding is a three day event starting on a Thursday and she asked us to pay to stay in the rooms (£160 per night). When other pulled out she contacted us and said the rooms had gone up so were now £180 so at least £360 for accommodation but more likely three nights so £540. Just for accommodation. My mum is pressuring me to go and we have booked it and waved goodbye to the prospect of a family holiday.

Anyway- cousin and I (used to be close she's been a nightmare in all this) got together today as she wanted to come over and see my outfit for the wedding (in two weeks). She got really frosty with me as my dress is a nude colour- is this a thing?? She's asking me to change it and wear something else. The dress is new and was bought specifically for this occasion and I do have an old green one I could wear but I have worn it to another family wedding and I don't like it that much. The dress I've bought is not cream, more like a pale peach. The bride is wearing white.

I'm loathe to waste more money (can't take it back took the tags off) and resent being ordered around like this. Is nude ok for a wedding or AIBU?

waterfall are you cousinswedding's cousin having changed your mind about the dress??

why on earth are people charging guests in order to pay for their wedding? I have no idea how you get from 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you, let's get married' to 'we demand you all pay us lots of money so we can pretend we are wealthier than we are'.

It got to be where B&G expected guests to compensate them for the cost of their meal at first and now hey, why not get them to pay for your entire wedding and your honeymoon, too?

Exactly, expat

About the only positive I can see is that sooner or later this whole ubergrabbery will hopefully implode. There's surely only so far it can go, and with any luck folk will realise the ugliness of it all and a trend for simpler, more family-type weddings will return

Or am I kidding myself ...?

"The trouble is the wedding industry puts so much pressure on brides and they get into this very tense emotional space. And some go on massive ego trips"

Can you not see the irony of this waterfall?

"About the only positive I can see is that sooner or later this whole ubergrabbery will hopefully implode. There's surely only so far it can go, and with any luck folk will realise the ugliness of it all and a trend for simpler, more family-type weddings will return"

Wishful thinking. I think that part of this fiasco is since weddings could conducted anywhere. In the old days when you could only get married in church or a registry office people didn't hire stately homes or venues that they couldn't afford.

As someone upthread mentioned, things have changed since weddings could legally take place at venues other than register offices or churches. Also, time was when the bride's parents would pay for the wedding, whatever they could afford, so it was local to them, rather than a "destination wedding" but in these days of people living together before marriage, or being on their second or third wedding, things have changed dramatically. We threw a party, which we paid for, for our wedding but it was local to London so most friends could make a day trip. It never occurred to us to hire a fancy place and expect people to make the trip and pay to stay there for a couple of nights! We spent what we could afford and welcomed our guests to the church and wedding reception. We paid for the meal and all the drinks. As was normal in those days. (Also we paid for our honeymoon!) Some people chose to travel from abroad and we were delighted that they were able to come and suggested places locally where they might stay. I'm feeling cross now at the lost opportunity for making money.

astonished it hasn't helped. Although there are ways to turn even more minimalist wedding options into money-spinning ones. Weddings abroad used to be the cut price option if you didn't want a big do you had to invite all your extended family too. Now they seem to have became a way to make the wedding even more expensive because now people invite all their family and friends on their 2 week wedding-holiday extravaganza in Maui and get sniffy if people don't want to spend £££s and tons of annual leave on going.

I don't understand this new trend of having weddings abroad and inviting a large amount of guests. A friend had two weddings abroad in the same country within two months of each other! She felt obliged to go to both and used all her annual leave on them. Years ago, weddings abroad were for people who didn't want fuss or wanted to save money. I actually got married abroad, in my dh's home country. I sent invites to the extended family as a courtesy but dad made it clear, especially to the older ones, that we understood it was expensive and far to travel. In the end two sets of aunts and uncles came and I appreciated that.

If my own brother asked for £400 per person to attend his wedding, I'd say 'no thanks. But I'll watch the video when you're done.'

When I get married (when my partner finally proposed). We are going to go to the registry office with my parents, our children, and my siblings, and then out for dinner. We would never be able to afford a big wedding anyway, and it's never been something I've wanted. I'm much more interested in being married to him.

My sisters wedding was beautiful. Like fairy tale wedding. We did everything by hand and spent hundreds of hours making the decorations and Favours and invitations and she borrowed a dress and lot of people made food for the buffet. All in, they spent £3000 and it was the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to.

'Now they seem to have became a way to make the wedding even more expensive because now people invite all their family and friends on their 2 week wedding-holiday extravaganza in Maui and get sniffy if people don't want to spend £££s and tons of annual leave on going.'

I've seen it on here. 'But they have time to save! We sent save the date cards 9 months ago!' entirely missing the point that expecting someone to save and use annual leave for your wedding is beyond arrogant.

Then you the enablers, 'Could you sell a kidney and pimp your granny so you can go to the wedding and use it as your family holiday?' 'Could you camp out nearby with your newborn BF baby who isn't invited and just leave the baby with wolves whilst you 'pop' out to the wedding?' 'Could you hitchhike and that way you'll be able to give £100 to the grabby fuckers who want you to pay for their honeymoon?'

The most pathetic ones are those who have these productions in the middle of nowhere and see nothing wrong with expecting evening guests to appear from far away and hand over some cash as a gift, too. And then they don't feed them at all - oh, the caterer said it all gets thrown away with evening guests so we didn't put any food on at all. Oh, we put out bowls of Haribo and lollies for evening guests.

Astro - Calm down. It's not the end of the world if some of us don't keep up with the entire thread!

Astro - Calm down. It's not the end of the world if some of us don't keep up with the entire thread!

There is not keeping up with the thread and there is not bothering to read anything other than the OP.
No is isn't the 'end of the world' but there is a reason that 'cancel the cheque' is a standing MN joke. Why bother commenting on the thread when you can't be bothered to read it all?

Yay! Your putting you & your family first. I know someone similar to you who all her life has been a mug yet still tries to please those same people who use her. The sad thing is it's mostly her own family. I have been blunt with her & told her countless times she is an enabler. She frustrates me deeply because she says she will do something about but hasn't to this day.

waterfall if u want a fancy wedding pay for it yourself is not up to your guests to

id tell u to stick it personally

LOL I bet OPs cousins wedding is a reality TV one. 4 weddings! She'd be PERFECT!

Well done OP for not going. (although I kinda want you to go now so you can fuel this thread with more outrageousness from your cousin!!)

We had to do it for our guests and asked them for £400 each including all their meals for the weekend in a stately home. We said if anyone couldn't pay we'd stand the difference, and then of course most people felt they couldn't pay and were offering £50 and being nasty about it.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I'd have told you to sod off. I asked our guests to pay exactly 0 when we got married. We covered everything, including drinks.

She sounds like the ultimate bridezilla

Stand your ground - she will send in the flying monkeys now and you will be getting calls and texts from your mum and others - just say you and DH were appalled at her rudeness and attitude and wish her well but will not be attending.

Fucking bitch

I didnt go to a family wedding many years ago in similar circumstances. the bride being a psychotic bitch bridezilla from hell.

I have no idea what the wedding was like other than some anecdotes that made me laugh.

There was nothing to annoy me or upset me as I simply wasn't there. It's in the abstract, just an idea to me. I like it that way having no memories of the event.

The OP has made the right decision not to go.

With the advent of gofundme, etc, weddings seem to be just another crowdfunding event now.

Getting worried now that GlueZ has lost it completely and strangled OP with that gorgeous dress....

waterfall I agree you didn't HAVE to do that at all!

My wedding was under £2k (albeit 20 years ago but with inflation considered that's still less than £5k now!) £20k plus on a wedding unless you're a millionaire is ridiculous! For our wedding some had to travel as my ex and I are from opposite ends of the country, we married somewhere in the middle. Some of our guests stayed with our friends/family, the rest we made sure had information for cheap but nice accommodation nearby, info on best taxi companies to use on the day, a few came with camper/caravans and made a long weekend of it (lovely part of the country to visit). Plenty of food and drink all through reception, both sets of parents took those that wanted to out for lunch the next day at a gorgeous country pub nearby (we were on way to honeymoon, we'd had to reschedule due to exs work).

Plenty of venues are available for much less that don't insist on you recovering the cost of the wedding from your GUESTS!

I'm an old duffer so over the years have been invited to and attended many weddings of different kinds, I've NEVER been expected to cover any of the costs of the wedding. I've been to humanist, handfastings, stately homes, castles and everything in between. In EVERY case the b&g was aware and considerate of their guests personal circumstances (finances, disabilities, food allergies etc) and have done all they can to accommodate.

A good childhood friend of mine had a stately home wedding the same year we married, as she knew money was tight for us after our wedding (unusually too we were also setting up home as hadn't lived together before marriage) she kindly arranged for us to stay with relatives of hers - who were really lovely people, they got us from the train station and made us feel very welcome and took us to the wedding, and I wore my going away outfit from my wedding.

As b&g you're hosts not royalty!

I've never been invited to an OTT wedding with ridiculous demands (sulks). I want to be invited to one so I can post on here and get some help with a "You've got to be joking" kind of refusal.

I love the expression "CrowdFunded Wedding"! But if you're going to do that, why not be upfront about it and set up a crowdfunding page! Perhaps because no-one, except perhaps parents, would want to pay to come to this "family event"?

Of course YANBU. Your cousin is BVVU. The whole out of control wedding stuff is one of huge bugbears. The bill guests are expected to foot to attend a wedding is spiralling out of control.

I think you're being very reasonable in paying the extortionate accommodation cost so don't be bullied and wear your dress.

Whoops! See you've decided not to go OP - absolutely love the right decision after the £19 comment. So spiteful and unnecessary. It's a beautiful dress and I agree with others that she seems worried that you'll unintentionally upstage her.

Book your holiday and pack the dress.

This seems so preveilant. People decide to get married and to spend 40.000 quid on their wedding and they make elaborate ridiculous plans that they then expect everyone to go along with. And usually people do. They pay the money because they hope when teir time comes then everyone will reciprocate and come to their elaborate nonsense.

A wedding is getting married under gods eyes or whatever, you ask people to bear witness for you, then you repay those witnesses with a nice lunch to compensate for them having to go to see you get married. That is the original deal.

Now it's competition, even a hen night invitation can cost hundreds in travel and have to endure ridiculous events like three day adventure archery classes. It's insane. And it's total and utter vanity,

Here's a nice statistic, te more you spend on your wedding the less likely you are to stay together. Hah! The more people knew this the less elaborate and costly their wedding would become. After all they are having a ridiculous wedding in order to rub your nose hard in it, and show off how amazing they all are. Well when you know this is compensation for a decent relationship it all becomes a little hollow.

I don't think anyone should encourage members of their family to pull elaborate stunts at the expense of their families comfort. It's insane. If it's your birthday or graduation and you force your family to endure huge economic strain to attend you event the. You value your own image and stunt more than your family relations or connections with real humans.

Nobody enjoys having To go to a wedding. They are all doing you a favour. Your duty is to thank them by providing them a nice meal and being hospitable. If you can afford to give everyone a cozy bed and a nice meal then you should just suck it up and have a reasonable affordable wedding. You can't charge people for the tea and coffee or their beds or their flights or dictate what they wear. Well you can and people do more and more but it's so wrong.

It would be like me putting on a platform he first time, being so outlandish about it that I invite a thousand guests make them all dress up as the cast of cats provide their own costumes and also pay for hiring out the Super Bowl. No self respecting human being would pay to be part of Somone else's elaborate theater performance. However much they want it to be reciprocated. Everyone walks away with a bad taste in their mouth. Everyone struggles to slap a smile on, and weddings become the dread social event that nobody wants to have to attend. Not unlike the musical cats but thankfully nobody is forcing anyone to go to musicals with social pressure. Thank god.

I think you should get the flu and get your money back for your flight and go back to the shop with your dress without the tags and explain what a jerk ass idiot your cousin is. And enjoy a weekend for yourself in a nice spa hotel or whatever you would like to do.

If I was getting married I would have a nice tea and scones breafast after for anyone who came, and tell everyone to save their money and enjoy themselves in whatever way they would like. Everyone who needed a bed would get a bed and if flights were needed they could either not come or I'd pay for their flights. Cos I care about my family. I would want to show them hospitality not be so concerned with my "show" that I didn't care how expensive inconveinienced or stressed they were.

And unless this cousin is someone who would fly over to your side at her own expense for your birthday or other single related event then I'd just pretend I couldn't attend make up a ridiculous transparent excuse and at every opportunity when around family I would shun and disavow such ridiculous behaviour. It should not be acceptable for a member of family to demand attendance to their wedding which everyone feels obliged to attend and bless and tack on some theatrical or elaborate nonsense to it. If you want to invite people to a theater performance at a Scottish highland fine. But a wedding is not a show, or a holiday, it's about two humans gettig together and their families blessing them. That's it. Not a Disney ride extravaganza fancy dress performance where the bride gets to dictate every flavour or shade or texture for her photographs to go on fb. And if that is how shallow and self absorbed she is then I would not want to bless her marriage at all. Not if it perpetuates some notion that that is the true purpose of marriage. It's not. And the more people encourage te bullshit show of it and don't adress the real relationships people have with humans then the more and more shallow hollow and meaningless marriage becomes. It would be my duty for all marriage and anctity everywhere to totally eschew all kinds of acts the make a mockery of marriage but attaching ridiculous highland castles and overpriced rooms and other such nonsense.