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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does anyone remember the bride in Wales charging £££ for hotel rooms?

659 replies

cousinswedding · 01/03/2017 22:53

I don't know of any of you will remember me. I posted months ago when my cousin was planning her wedding in a Welsh castle hundreds of miles away from where we all live. Her wedding is a three day event starting on a Thursday and she asked us to pay to stay in the rooms (£160 per night). When other pulled out she contacted us and said the rooms had gone up so were now £180 so at least £360 for accommodation but more likely three nights so £540. Just for accommodation. My mum is pressuring me to go and we have booked it and waved goodbye to the prospect of a family holiday.

Anyway- cousin and I (used to be close she's been a nightmare in all this) got together today as she wanted to come over and see my outfit for the wedding (in two weeks). She got really frosty with me as my dress is a nude colour- is this a thing?? She's asking me to change it and wear something else. The dress is new and was bought specifically for this occasion and I do have an old green one I could wear but I have worn it to another family wedding and I don't like it that much. The dress I've bought is not cream, more like a pale peach. The bride is wearing white.

I'm loathe to waste more money (can't take it back took the tags off) and resent being ordered around like this. Is nude ok for a wedding or AIBU?

OP posts:
BonnyScotland · 03/03/2017 19:57

I'm stressed just reading this ....

don't you dare go to the wedding Lady... you go enjoy your hard earned cash and time off elsewhere x

Strygil · 03/03/2017 19:59

Why on earth do you want to attend this woman's wedding anyway? - she sounds like a preening, over-entitled spoilt brat. If I were you I would cancel your wedding bookings, get the money back, get a credit note for the dress you are now not going to wear, and book a nice family holiday with your re-acquired wealth. And if I were you I wouldn't tell her that that is what you are going to do. She needs to be taught a lesson in revenge for her self-regarding and bullying behaviour, and revenge is, famously, a dish best eaten cold. Send her a text from wherever you are on the day of the wedding - "having a wonderful time here in Bavaria, glad you're not here"......

pollymere · 03/03/2017 20:15

My SIL wore white for my wedding after my MIL insisted that's what you did! She looked like a lost bridesmaid. Mine were in burgundy! Check the bridesmaid dresses aren't peach and then wear what you like!

Astro55 · 03/03/2017 20:16

The accommodation was Paul as you leave - so the bill is gluzillas with each guest paying there room share - I think that point is obvious to Gluzilla as she will have to stump it £600 on top!! An expensive comment about OP lovely dress!

greathat · 03/03/2017 20:18

I would fume every minute I was there about the cost of it and how I could be spending it on a proper holiday, don't go!

StrangeLookingParasite · 03/03/2017 20:34

Read. The. Thread.

She is not going.

SirVixofVixHall · 03/03/2017 20:48

Craig y Nos castle looks just like my school.

Anyway OP, 1.agree dress v pretty and not at all a "wrong" colour for a wedding. 2.Getting guests to sub your wedding by upping the room charges is vulgar in the extreme.

  1. Asking a wedding guest to wear something different because you don't lie their choice, is horrendously rude.
  2. Who on God's earth has a THREE DAY wedding? Surely most people just invite guests for the day, and to stay the night if they live far away? Unless you are Kim Kardashian then this is just bonkers, who could cope with that? I get tired just going to the church!
AllieBomBally · 03/03/2017 20:59

Tell her to jog on!!

ElvishArchdruid · 03/03/2017 21:00

With the matriarch thing, some how ex SIL lined herself up for the role whilst poor Mum was still alive. She'd organise family 'events' then poor Mum would have to cater, whilst ex SIL did fancy really unnecessary stuff.

It blew my mind that everyone ran round her, she had the same pregnancy thing, first time nightmare. It was getting too much, for a brief period some family didn't talk, she was wailing how awful it was as family were missing out on this super special time. You'd honestly think she was the first person to get pregnant.

She saw me get hyperemesis twice, plus we had losses so we got HCG checks, progesterone level checks and scans. She seemed livid that no matter what she said they didn't want to scan her early, all the way through there would be something. Like I agree certain foods make you feel green in pregnancy, for me it was a few things, unfortunately garlic was one. Especially garlic breath which is bad enough when you're not pregnant. She pretty much had a tome of foods that had to be avoided 48 hours before seeing her. Nausea is something I deal with generally anyway, she made a lot of fuss for someone super nauseated, plus she'd vomit in front of everyone too. Admittedly sometimes it can't be avoided, but I was pretty much in bed or in the en suite. I remember nearly passing out booking a dental appointment, hearing the gore of advice post extraction. She happily watched videos of cysts being 'dealt' with, which I don't think I'd cope with now.

But yes, if there's a honeymoon baby, best way to try and trap an apprehensive groom to be, especially one trying to put their foot down but failing. You'll easily have 8 months of material for us, as they pretty much announce it from bloody conception with ovulation kits. I found that quite distasteful jumping on the 2 week wait, to see if you get a positive test. Usually they (we're talking none fertility tx & none loss women) like to have a test every 48 hours like a DIY blood test, so major panic if you get crappy tests and the line doesn't get darker. I can pretty much picture it now. Your Mums excitement at the third generation progeny. Your experiences will be null and void, don't dare think about day dreaming back to when you were expecting, this will ALL be about her.

cherish123 · 03/03/2017 21:05

She is asking for money towards booze?!

That sounds very cheeky. Why does it have to be 3 nights. I would stay one or look for cheaper accommodation nearby. As for the dress, I would wear a green/red or another coloured coat/jacket/cardigan/scarf/wrap with nude dress. She is being down right cheeky and quite immature.

mummymummums · 03/03/2017 21:06

Wow - your cousin is a unique kind of special. Talk about entitled.
I do hope your Mum is supportive of you over this, and doesn't pay for the room - she has no reason to - your cousin's behaviour was so monstrous you had no choice but to cancel.
I love Mumsnet - I find myself thinking that these people (such as your cousin - the insanely unreasonable) walk among us, and we don't know who they are!

charliegumabubblegum · 03/03/2017 21:14

Oh god this is horrendous! Bridezilla or what! I'd ring the hotel to see how much the rooms actually were! Yes family and friends are the only thing that are important, she's being horrid!

ComeOnSpring · 03/03/2017 21:20

Why don't you asked about why the rooms are so expensive?

Also - just say to her that you've bought this dress especially and you haven't got time to buy a new one/go shopping so it might mean you can't come as you have nothing to wear.

fullofhope03 · 03/03/2017 21:27

Dear Op, I wish I could give you the biggest hug and high-five! WELL DONE YOU for having the backbone to cancel! Please please don't even think about being browbeaten yet again into changing your mind.
Your cousin is a spoilt selfish cow and for some CRAZY reason has been (still is WTF?!) allowed to get away with this behaviour for (seemingly) a very long time. DO NOT cave, no matter what she, your Mother, or anyone else says. Once again, well done! Very proud of you! Now enjoy the money you've saved on this impending farce of a wedding, xx

ElvishArchdruid · 03/03/2017 21:57

OP isn't going anymore, for those daunted by a long thread.

Plus bride is Gluezilla, her new nickname.

To summarise Gluezilla doesn't like OP's gorgeous dress, so tattled on her to OP's Mum, who is rather keen to keep the peace. But it ended with OP not going. Some surmise that Gluezilla's Mum must be the favourite, so OP's Mum has always been on the back foot. Gluezilla claims OP is ungrateful as it appears not to be a marriage, but a family event. Gluezilla's H2B is getting a bit Confused about it all, as when people drop out, the cost goes up.

PP's have worked out there's a huge deficit between wedding cost for hire etc, verses the asking price for a 3 night stay. Thus the assertion that guests are pretty much paying for the feast/banquet on top of their rooms.

OP can now go on holiday with money saved from having to attend Gluezilla's event, that was the sacrifice she was willing to make, until Gluezilla made rather unkind comments about the dress OP chose, which apparently due to the cost, shows OP doesn't respect the celebration.

GloriaGaynor · 03/03/2017 21:59

Life was so much simpler years ago when people just got married in their local church or registry office and the only people who had to fork out for accommodation were far flung family and friends

It was a lot simpler really when people didn't believe they were entitled to a celebrity style wedding, where they play Lady Muck for the day in a stately home/hotel, yet without the funds to cover it, thus demanding family and friends subsidise the fantasy.

Astro55 · 03/03/2017 22:08

Have you spoken to mum today OP?

DartmoorDoughnut · 03/03/2017 22:17

Well done for standing up to her!

2017SoFarSoGood · 03/03/2017 22:50

it appears, OP that you shall have to hold off on wearing the fabulous abomination of a dress until you are off on a lovely family holiday Grin

Gluezilla rides again

Benedikte2 · 03/03/2017 23:33

Maybe Gluezilla persuaded her H2B to book the castle venue on the basis that it would pay for itself -- or rather the guests would pay for it. Will be interesting to see just what percentage of the original number of guests actually turn up! Maybe they won't need a honeymoon as will be too busy washing dishes to take one.
Well done OP -- an end to this madness

ILikeyourHairyHands · 04/03/2017 00:02

And thus in itself, utterly decadent.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 04/03/2017 00:02

WRONG THREAD!! Sorry.

car5ys · 04/03/2017 00:50

Oh dear this thread is giving me the jitters!

NCforIS · 04/03/2017 01:29

Careful OP this has Daily Fail fodder written all over it

Madwoman5 · 04/03/2017 01:39

So let me get this right...
Cuz is getting wed.
Cuz has delusions of grandeur and wants a celeb wedding but does not have the funds to cover it.
Cuz devised a plan to have her friends and family pay for the wedding by taking over the venue and dividing the cost between those attending AND expects them to chip in for the honeymoon too.
Cuz also wants to dictate what the value of any wedding outfit is and equates this with how much happiness the day will bring her.
No doubt cuz had a lavish and expensive hen night/weekend too
Cuz has taken a huge risk that this will work and her and htb will not have to finance much.
Cuz is going to have a huge wake up call if others follow suit.
Bad judgement. Bad assumption. Bad call all round. Even htb is embarrassed by her behaviour. If he didn't realise what he was marrying before, he sure does now.
Cuz's reaction to your mutiny is because others have also seen sense and are too intelligent to fall for this. Mum knows it is all wrong but will go along and keep the peace. This is not just about the money but the principle. If someone truly wanted their friends and family to celebrate the most important day of their lives, they would make it accessible to them.
If made to attend, I would book the local b&b for the night before and attend the day in my £19 dress, leaving after the wedding breakfast to drive home. You attended but did not concede. However, you have refused her kind offer to subsidise her wedding day in favour of utilising your resources elsewhere. Mum can put her big girl's pants on and do the same or spend the whole day apologising for breathing the same air. No guilt is needed. What a self absorbed little madam she has turned into. Oh yes, and keep your frame for someone who will appreciate it more. If you do go, send her a little album of you two together growing up. Maybe then, she will remember what wedding days are all about.

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