Does anyone remember the bride in Wales charging £££ for hotel rooms?

[cousinswedding]

I don't know of any of you will remember me. I posted months ago when my cousin was planning her wedding in a Welsh castle hundreds of miles away from where we all live. Her wedding is a three day event starting on a Thursday and she asked us to pay to stay in the rooms (£160 per night). When other pulled out she contacted us and said the rooms had gone up so were now £180 so at least £360 for accommodation but more likely three nights so £540. Just for accommodation. My mum is pressuring me to go and we have booked it and waved goodbye to the prospect of a family holiday.

Anyway- cousin and I (used to be close she's been a nightmare in all this) got together today as she wanted to come over and see my outfit for the wedding (in two weeks). She got really frosty with me as my dress is a nude colour- is this a thing?? She's asking me to change it and wear something else. The dress is new and was bought specifically for this occasion and I do have an old green one I could wear but I have worn it to another family wedding and I don't like it that much. The dress I've bought is not cream, more like a pale peach. The bride is wearing white.

I'm loathe to waste more money (can't take it back took the tags off) and resent being ordered around like this. Is nude ok for a wedding or AIBU?

Did you say it was £10k? And you were paying £540 and there were 40 rooms?

A lot of the guests must have heard the first £160 per night and said no way. They were the sensible ones.

Just as a matter of rude interest(from someone whose wedding 20 odd years ago was less than £500 inc dress) Has anyone have an idea of what it costs for a whole castle wedding package for 3 days?

Making a public declaration of an imminent shagging ( which is one description of an wedding ) is no excuse to become an arse.

Cancel everything (sounds like you have, hurray) and tell madam you will see her again when she learns some manners. No loss.

Being a bride is just 15 mins. Not important.

cross posted! so 10K . thats for the hire or would that include food etc?

You've definitely done the right thing. I hope your mum realises this sooner than later. Hopefully, once your cousin emerges from her self-centred wedding haze, she will realise what a little shit she has been and apologise, although perhaps don't hold your breath waiting for that to happen!

Where are you thinking of going on holiday instead? You'll enjoy a nice break away for that sort of money.

Just read this thread and absolutely HORRIFIED about Bridezilla's behaviour. You must definitely not capitulate and go no matter what and if you really want to be naughty send her a bill for £19 for your dress! 😂😂

Meanwhile - it might be an idea to make sure everyone who is going has a copy of the usual room tariff and encourage them to contact the venue to make separate bookings at discount

Awaiting the update with baited breath!

When we got married we looked at the romantic castle idea, then it became apparent that it was our choice to want to get married here, so in all fairness with it being so far away, we would have to pay travel and hotel expenses. How etiquette has changed in over 15 years.

We honestly would have never said come to our wedding in this grand castle, oh by the way it's going to cost you travel plus 2 nights at least. But more likely 3 to offset the travelling.

We were onto B&B's and hotels nearby, it was totally lovely, it had a tradition too, due to the location the actual wedding breakfast for 5 courses was very fair. Then reality struck and in all fairness we would have to host a meal the night before, the wedding breakfast, the evening reception. Whilst financially it was viable, we found a pub that was lovely but seldom had custom apart from a handful of regulars. We were happy for them to come and tuck into the buffet, we got the venue for free, it was sooooo much cheaper than the really romanticised version we had initially planned.

Also found that because it was on a lower budget, not intentionally, the day rolled out relaxingly, over having a timed affair. It was so chilled, I remember being in pain, taking my shoes off and semi reclining into hubbys arms. That was the best picture of the day too, me looking up at him and us both laughing.

Sorry for my story there, but I find it outrageous that she is being princess for the whole weekend and you have to pay.

I would make out that you'll find something else but arrive in your dress anyway. She'll just hop up and down in bridezilla rage till your Mum coerces you to buy a different dress. If it's in her colours so what?

I've never heard of a bride apart from stipulating dress code, saying oh and no one to wear this colour by pain of death.

my mum is saying I should have just put up with it for the sake of a few days.

Thing is, it's not just a few days for you, if you have to economise the rest of the year and miss a family holiday for her wedding.

It's sad that your cousin's decisions have led to an argument.

Everyone has a limit as to how much they can indulge loved ones who are giddy and take their wedding/ other special occasion too seriously. Your limit is way beyond mine, and entirely reasonable that you said 'no more'.

If you had bought a new dress, I could imagine another drama. I bet she wouldn't have been content with the picture frame for example (I think it's a lovely gift).

By the time you'd paid for accommodation, transport, new clothes (x2), meals for three days, gift, a few drinks at the bar, it will be £800-900... That's madness.

If your cousin is usually a nice person, she will come to her senses at some point.

You poor thing. She really sounds a nightmare. How dare she dictate how much you spend. And how awful to grade your interest in and care for her by how much you spend on your clothes.

It's staggering to think someone would rather you weren't at their wedding than wear a £19 dress.

Well done. What a difficult position to put you in. I suspect your mum knows you're right but doesn't know how to say it without upsetting your cousin further (or doesn't have the courage to do it). Stick to your guns.

You have totally made the right decision. She has lost the plot. Her comments are totally out of order. You have been polite and reasonable. Well done on not being bullied.

Why is your Mum backing your cousin up and not supporting you? M

Also, you should tell your mum that you were "just putting up with it" until the extremely rude and offensive comments about your dress.

Had the bride wished to have a say, she'd have made you a bridesmaid or member of the wedding party. But she didn't, so she should be the one "putting up with it" not you. Was your mum offering to pay for a new dress? If not, then she also needs to "put up with it" and butt out too.

Last year we had invitations to 4 weddings. We attended 2 without kids as a couple, probably about £300 each time in travel/accommodation/presents, had to decline one altogether as a prior commitment, and I sent my DH alone to the fourth that all the family were invited to that would have cost £1,000 just in travel & accommodation. We were sad to miss it, but didn't have a spare grand or holiday time to do it. In all cases, the couples understood & no hard feelings.

Oh dear it's all gone wrong but where does the madness end if you don't step away now? I am sorry your DM is clinging onto the idea that somehow if everyone says yes everything will be peachy, it won't be.

my mum is saying I should have just put up with it for the sake of a few days.

Mum clearly doesn't care about the £1000 it's going to cost you to attend (travel, rooms, food and drink for 2 days at a high end venue) and the inability to have a family holiday of you're own you won't be able to afford because of this farce. And that's what it will end up being.

Tell your mum she's not to cover your room costs, and you won't be discussing it any further. Cousin has dug her own grave. And it sounds like she's pissing off her fiance with the whole mess as well ... may not even get to be a bride if this is how she's acting with everyone!

I do remember your previous thread.

The bride is obviously totally bonkers but to be honest OP so are you to agree to this bullshit. The cost of the room is beyond absurd and when the whole thing began you should have told your DM that you would not be attending and decline the invitation.

So the question is,, are you going to do what you should have done weeks ago or are you going to meekly turn up and hand over £600 + for this absurd circus?

Now I feel awful like I've upset a bride before her wedding

No, you have given a self centred pain in the arse a telling off.

Just wondering why your cousin is going crying to your mum straight away, are they close?
Your cousin is absolutely bat shit crazy, you deserve an apology from her.
You've done the right thing ....... get yourself to the travel agents first thing tomorrow!
please tell me the website you bought your beautiful dress from

Is it bad that I've read the entire thread and my overriding thought is - where is that dress from! For £19 I need one too!

Well done for refusing to go along with bridezilla's crazy demands!

I really don't understand why your own Mum is throwing you under the bus and trying to get you to suck up a weekend wedding that will cost you almost £1,000! Doing things for "family unity" requires that all family members act reasonably. It sounds as though the bride is fleecing the guests to pay for her wedding

Well done OP, you have done the right thing

If you used to be fond of her before all this, what you might do is to put some cash towards her 'events' at the wedding after all - say, the £160 you would have paid for the first night.

Then head for the travel agent with the remaining £380 and posh dress.

Not just you, Blather-I've got an event coming up soon & it would be perfect for it!