Does anyone remember the bride in Wales charging £££ for hotel rooms?

[cousinswedding]

I don't know of any of you will remember me. I posted months ago when my cousin was planning her wedding in a Welsh castle hundreds of miles away from where we all live. Her wedding is a three day event starting on a Thursday and she asked us to pay to stay in the rooms (£160 per night). When other pulled out she contacted us and said the rooms had gone up so were now £180 so at least £360 for accommodation but more likely three nights so £540. Just for accommodation. My mum is pressuring me to go and we have booked it and waved goodbye to the prospect of a family holiday.

Anyway- cousin and I (used to be close she's been a nightmare in all this) got together today as she wanted to come over and see my outfit for the wedding (in two weeks). She got really frosty with me as my dress is a nude colour- is this a thing?? She's asking me to change it and wear something else. The dress is new and was bought specifically for this occasion and I do have an old green one I could wear but I have worn it to another family wedding and I don't like it that much. The dress I've bought is not cream, more like a pale peach. The bride is wearing white.

I'm loathe to waste more money (can't take it back took the tags off) and resent being ordered around like this. Is nude ok for a wedding or AIBU?

Oh, and for posters suggesting she stay elsewhere, like a travelodge, they can't. There is nothing near the bloody venue!! Nothing!

I really do remember the logistics being incredibly insane to get there and have to stay there. Not going really is the sensible choice.

Where's the intended DH in all this, BTW? Are his family in on this? What a future...

"could you just tone down your handsomeness for the day so that the groom looks the best?"

:o

A local bridal shop has loads of snaps up of weddings they've 'dressed'. One bride was a beautiful woman and her bridesmaids were drop-dead gorgeous in classy, elegant dresses. They all looked so happy; why would anyone want their closest friends and relations to dress down to make them stand out?

can someone post a photo of OPs dress please . I cant open it

Simple - go on holiday and tell her to go fuck herself.

Don't cave into your DM, OP. She is putting herself before your DC: why should they miss out on a family holiday just so she doesn't have to feel uncomfortable? Anyone who asks you to do that is not acting in your family's best interests. And it's pointless anyway as your relationship with your cousin is already fucked.

Dress code is one thing - inspecting dresses suits etc another so hope OP returns to say she's wearing her lovely dress. And hats off to PP who said no one would ask male guests to dress down for fear of outshining groom. though I do know one brideandgroomzilla who objected to national dress because it wouldn't look right in photos. As for the money thing, OP, back out now before others do and your share of the castle zooms.

Your dress is lovely OP. I wonder if your cousin is worried that you will upstage her. Regardless, she is clearly crazy. Have you already paid for the hotel or can you cancel without losing money?

God, I hate it when people placemark. So inconsiderate.

Tell her nicely that you are wearing the outfit.

With any luck she'll disinvite you to the wedding.

If particular colors are such a big deal to her she should have told guests months ago.

Have you paid for the room already and can you get your money back if you cancel? I would be worried that the bride will dis-invite you and then you find you can't get your money back from the venue.

Definitely wear the dress you have already bought. I'd cancel and have a nice family holiday with the money you save!

Intrigued for an update! Cousin must have replied by now, there is no way i would go and spend that much money.

I am bridesmaid for my best friend and i cannot afford to stay at her venue, so have booked a Travelodge, she's not a bridezilla though!

I'd also be tempted to text everyone i know going to tell them that the dress code is pale pink

I didnt realise the wedding is at Madam Patti's. Its quite run down and could do with a bit of a make over.

OP, I think your cousin is living in LaLa Land and not just because she thinks Madam Patti's is the bee knees.

RedPony

Things got so much worse- after I sent the text about the dress she twisted it and went to my mum's who called me that's why I went over and it was all a big mess. My cousin accused me of:

Agreeing to three nights and then dropping to two at the last minute (technically correct)

Buying a cheap dress as a dig at her and her relationship: "wedding guests dress up in their finery they don't buy the cheapest thing possible and show up in that!"

Not being supportive enough about the stress of the wedding.

I told her the three nights would have cost us £540, travel there and back is over £100- we have to provide or pay for our own food and drink on the first two days and we were using up precious holiday all to support her! I also asked how much she was paying for the venue as the rooms were way over the odds- she wouldn't respond just kept saying how everyone had let her down and she was putting on a big event "for the family so we can all be together!"

It all got way too much, mum was silent by the end of it and I told her not to expect us at all and she said she only wanted people there who were happy for her which I thought was cruel as I always have been. Now I feel awful like I've upset a bride before her wedding and know this has ruined our relationship forever and my mum is saying I should have just put up with it for the sake of a few days. Tellingly she said cousin is upset at the moment as she and her fiancé are clashing over the wedding plans!

With regards to paying for the rooms - I can "cancel" as technically the booking is in the name of the bride and groom. Guests were told we were to pay upon checkout, the designated price. The bride and groom will be picking up the bill though so they were offsetting whatever the guests paid against their total bill for the castle. So she's lost £540 from us which they'll have to cover.

Going to hide from them all for a while it's a horrible situation.

Islf she hadnt been so demanding in the first place this wouldnt have all blown up in her face!

Don't feel guilty. If she is upset it is her own fault. She doesn't care about upsetting you. and ignore your Mum, she is being ridiculous too.

She brought it on herself. She doesn't deserve a lovely cousin like you. Stay firm - do not let her manipulate/blackmail you.

I can "cancel" as technically the booking is in the name of the bride and groom. Guests were told we were to pay upon checkout, the designated price. The bride and groom will be picking up the bill though so they were offsetting whatever the guests paid against their total bill for the castle. So she's lost £540 from us which they'll have to cover.

Sorry, but fuck it. Not your circus - and it really is a circus. A really fucking expensive circus! You're never going to please her, so you might as well please yourself.

Think of the amazing two-week European holiday you could have for that cost!

You've done the right thing, OP.

SHE has done this. SHE has. NOT you

And you should be glad you've been given your out. Do not cave. Do not apologize. And do not attend.

Have a lovely family holiday.

Good grief, she really is terrible.

Glad you have decided not to go, what a load of hassle. I would never have dreamed of doing what she is, I still cannot believe she expects guests to pay out that much money for her wedding.

Tell your mum that it is a ridiculous amount of money to fork out for someone else's wedding, I also can't believe she can't see how wrong this is.

Awful behaviour all round, be glad to be out of it.

It seems messy now but you have done the right thing. She is being ridiculous and hopefully this might help her to see some sense. Can you book a nice weekend away at the same time as the wedding to take your mind off everything?