To not want to use the gift.

[Mumtobe12]

Now I don't want to sound ungrateful but MIL is very excited about new arrival which is lovely. But the other day she brought us a Moses basket with out us seeing first and well it so not what I envisioned. It silk and covered in lace looks like something straight out of queen Victoria's nursery.
I don't know what to do DH doesn't want to hurt MIL feelings and has already told her how pretty it is and how much we like it. But I really don't and know he is not a big fan either,
I do appreciate the kindness of the gift but I'm a bit upset I didn't get to pick this out myself.
I have attached picture so you can see for yourself.
What can I do? I can't not use it now?

I'd have a little chat in a few weeks saying that the midwife/health visitor did a home visit and mentioned their concerns about the flame retardancy of the fabric - then ask where she got it from so you can check? Perhaps you could then say you are worried about using it and would she be offended if you found a safer cotton lining............ surely no shop would sell a basket with that fabric in???!!

Oh... my... god...

If she's done this for the practical gift I can't imagine what happens when she buys you some baby clothes.

I wouldn't want to put my baby in that, there is too much..padding, lots like a sids risk.
They sell them like that at the market stalls near us.

I found people buying us stuff really depressing when I was pregnant, I was trying to get my house sorted and create space and people kept buying stuff they wanted my baby to use/wear.

I think its really out of order to buy a 'main' item like this without any warning before hand- now the op has to find somewhere to chuck it and worry about hurting feelings if its unused ect..

In the words of Sheldon Cooper: 'You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation'

Just use it when she comes over and don't when she doesn't? Confused: seems kind of obvious? What else can you do? Unnecessary to say anything to her - she bought it out of kindness I assume so just say thank you and leave it at that. Presumably she isn't going to know you don't constantly use it.

I wouldnt use it or take photo as this may be interpreted as that you love and welcome all things polyester / shiny / frilly for your baby - maybe just be honest about recommendatiions for only using cotton and could it be swapped as you dont want her to waste money on something that you cant use safely ?

I haven't read all the messages in the thread. I would buy another set of covers off eBay or somewhere that are to your taste and then put those on your basket. If she comes over and sees it with different covers on then you can say that the other covers are in the wash from baby vomit or poop and the "spares" are on the basket for now!

Our DC's are all grown up now and that basket looks like the kind that was around when mine were babies.

Ever practical - me and DH never had a moses basket for any of our DCs. I always thought they were a bit of a waste of money. Babies out grow them in weeks.

Just smile and say thankyou - you only have to use it when she visits.

Jesus give the MIL a break - way to embarrass someone who was just trying to be nice. If OP doesn't like it (I wouldn't either to be fair) just buy your own. A gift is a gift. Also, don't think I would have the energy to really think about something so trivial before giving birth. It's just a Moses basket - you will probably have more important things to worry about.

I'd take a picture of baby in it for mil but then tell her it got damaged and had to be replaced.

Just dump it in a cupboard and have it out when she comes over, but don't actually use it. It looks like a massive suffocation hazard to me, so no way would I put my baby in it at night! It also looks about thirty years old, and you're not meant to use old mattresses due to cot death risk. You don't know what has seeped into the fabric over the years either if the cover doesn't even come off to wash.

Yep, take a picture then have an accident with a spillage of some kind and put a plain cover on. Then forget about it (awhhh quite sweet of her really though )

Co sleep, then you'll never have to use it. (And your baby will be very commented.....)

I thought someone had revived a Zombie thread.

Seems not, but clearly you're not alone in having a MIL with godawful taste - if that's any consolation.

Lots of jokes, suggestions & witty one liners on the thread 😂

If it was me, I would have to say 'MIL we really do appreciate you buying us the Moses basket, but we really have our hearts set on one more like this , could we please exchange it?

If you 'go along' with it now, pretending to love it, you'll be given all manner of shiny, frilly, lacy stuff. Your child will be flammable!

I can't believe they still sell stuff this hideous!

My babies slept in their baskets for 5 months plus, DD was 7 months. Do I have tiny babies or do y'all have teeny baskets?

I also changed the covers on a basket MIL gave me. Cant remember the excuse given though!

I would just say that you have been speaking to the midwife and mentioned that you'd been given one by MIL, and the midwife emphasized how important it is, if you do have a moses basket, to make sure that it has cotton linings and [insert details of your ideal moses basket here!] due to the assorted risks of cot deaths, asthma, and anything else that sounds grim that is likely to freak her out (*I don't think there's a risk of these from dodgy frilly moses baskets but I think there are lower risks with cotton as others have said so run with it if you want to get the moses basket changed!).

Say that you have been worrying about it ever since, and that it was a lovely thought of hers, but that you just don't think that you could bring yourself to use it, knowing that it presented a risk to the baby, and if anything terrible were to happen, imagine how bad she would feel if it had happened as a result of the moses basket. So that with the benefit of hindsight, you think that rather than it just sit in a cupboard unused, which would be a big waste of money, you think that it is only fair to ask her if it is possible to exchange it for one that will be much safer for the baby.

If it's possible to get your dh to talk to her and say that you've been worrying non stop about it since talking to the midwife and that you're stressed because you don't want to hurt MIL's feelings but at the same time you don't want to put your baby at risk... That way you come out of it even better as dh has the difficult conversation (it is his mum after all) and all the blame for changing it goes on the midwife (who are very useful for blaming things on when you are pg and want to do or not do something - it's very rare that anyone will try to argue that you shouldn't do what a midwife suggests!)

I am starting to get a horror movie vibe now... "The Gift". They thought it was just a tasteless present from the MIL, until their baby turned into the demon spawn, and the family pets began to have small accidents...

Is it new? The legs make it look old fashioned and not a modern 'ironing board' type leg

Oh yes! Ha ha. I would definitely take off the satin bits and choose an excuse from above, and then use what you're left with, which is (hopefully...) a normal looking moses basket.

That is hideous. I think Mothercare of BabysRus have a cotton liner for Moses Baskets

I'd just use - your baby will most likely only be in it for 6-8 weeks during which time you'll mostly be too sleep deprived to care :)

You'll have to live with a cot or cotbed for much longer, so if by giving in on this you get no interference on later baby stuff it's worth the few weeks.

Surely you'd need to wash it before letting a baby sleep in it much as you would with bedding and clothing for a newborn baby. If you happened to be unfamiliar with the right setting for silk pure polyester then you could completely ruin it.

You gotta hope this doesn't end up in the Daily Mail!

It's grim and I would not hesitate to put it in the garage. It's important to enjoy choosing things for your baby.

Can't you remove the silky fabric from the sides at least, even if you can't get it off the hood?

Haven't rtft but that thing clearly breaches Aust sids guidelines. I made a simple cotton lining for our inherited moses basket and the health visitor whipped it off immediately. Cane only apparently.