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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why he was on and off Whatsapp until 4 am

62 replies

yessir · 01/03/2017 10:27

Please go easy on me.
Met him year ago on chat site .
He swears his love for me I really love him he is the sweetest man I ever knew.
Its long distance he comes to see me every weekend after 6 hard days at work.
Texts me every day video calls me each night saying he wants to see me misses me.
Its all very nice.
Earleir days of relationship I caught him out on chat site but I put it behind me.
Last night I noticed he was on and off whatsapp until 4 am.
He has 2 whatsapp for some reason one he sends me stuff on other one he was on and off.

Am I being possessive.

OP posts:
pangolina · 01/03/2017 10:29

Yes.
He could have friends in other time zones, could be talking to anyone.
If you don't trust him there is no point continuing. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I absolutely could not and would not tolerate my social interactions being policed like that.
Who do you think he is talking to?

Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:31

He has got friends in other zones

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MargaretCavendish · 01/03/2017 10:32

Well, he was probably messaging someone, which you clearly know? But I take it you think that person might be another woman. Either his other behaviour has made you think that - in which case the other behaviour is the issue - or you've jumped to the worst possible conclusion with no evidence. Either way, the WhatsApp timing isn't the issue. What, incidentally, were you doing on WhatsApp until 4am?

Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:32

Thank you

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Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:32

checking on him

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Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:33

its bad I know

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AlmostAJillSandwich · 01/03/2017 10:35

Does he have 2 phones? How else would he have 2 whatsapp accounts its linked to your phone number. If he has a second phone/number for say, work, he was probably just chatting to work colleagues/clients. My dads ex is an ex because she was constantly accusing him of cheating and talking to other women for being on whatsapp at 3am, it was me and my sister he was talking to!

Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:38

Has far as I know his other phones are broke

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AlmostAJillSandwich · 01/03/2017 10:38

If you're going on Whatsapp just checking up on him you clearly don't trust him. It's not fair for you to be spying on him, either you need to let it go that he was talking to someone else (right in the beginning) and trust him now, or you need to end it. You're either going to catch him cheating or you're going to push him away by acting like he is and trying to catch him out. either way it's not going to be a healthy or happy relationship.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 01/03/2017 10:41

If his other phones are broken how is he using one for whatsapp? Clearly it's not the same phone/number he's talking to you on, so he does have another phone or device capable of using whatsapp that you know the number for and he may ave forgotten you know about. Maybe it is innocent and he got his phone fixed and is just chatting to friends, but in these circumstances i would ask if he has fixed his other phone and see what he says, not just go in all guns blazing "you were on whatsapp on another phone at 4am who are you talking to?" style.

Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:42

I think its past history and the fact its long distance

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WaitrosePigeon · 01/03/2017 10:45

Sometimes when I can't sleep on I go on my phone. Check Mumsnet, WhatsApp that kind of thing.

You don't trust him, do you?

IamFriedSpam · 01/03/2017 10:45

I agree that his past history and the distance is giving you pause for thought. Are you able to talk to him in a non-confrontational way about it? You could come from a perspective of needing reassurance rather than being suspicious.

If my DH had been on whatsapp in the middle of the night I'd probably ask him about it out of curiosity but I wouldn't have the slightest thought that he was up to something he shouldn't be.

Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:46

He receives calls on whatsapp off his son in front of me

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StormZelda · 01/03/2017 10:47

Two WhatsApp accounts?? why ?

That does sound a little Machiavellian.

He might be chatting to his mum, he might be a Samaritan. Who knows, but it's making you feel insecure so focus on that. Maybe you'd be happier just ending it.

Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:48

I think both whatsapp on same phone

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StormZelda · 01/03/2017 10:49

Can you turn off the thing that notifies you when he was last on WhatsApp. I'm not sure how to do that but I notice a man I'm dating has just done it. I interpreted that as him being insecure about who else I might be chatting to though. (not that I am as it happens, apart from to cancel a date)

Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:49

I been feeling bad because he works so hard up early every day always knackered

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Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:50

comes to me falls asleep sometimes but then should I feel sympathietic if he can manage to be on and off whatsapp

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Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:52

asked if he slept well this morning he said yes

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Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:53

Can whatsapp only been used on the phone that's linked to that number

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Kikikaakaa · 01/03/2017 10:53

I have a friend in another time zone I chat to when I can't sleep sometimes

I'm not sure you can have WA x 2 accounts on one phone, without using 2 numbers??!! Also you can only install the App once

Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:57

one account says work the other mobile

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Screwinthetuna · 01/03/2017 10:58

The fact that you were up until 4am checking if he was still ok whatsapp is not ok, you are going to make yourself sick.
I would say a long distance relationship isn't going to work if you are feeling this way. None of us know but of course he could have been talking to a woman, or he could have been doing something completely innocent. Is there any way you could live together?

Original poster
yessir · 01/03/2017 10:58

the account he contacts me on says work

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