Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheating the system

436 replies

AngryNameChanger · 26/02/2017 14:19

I have a friend, a very good friend in fact, that I want to report for benefit fraud. I feel as unhappy as anything that I feel this way, but I do, and short of cutting all contact with her I will continue to feel very annoyed towards her.
In all honesty, even if I cut all ties, I would still feel very pissed off!

She is a lone parent to 2 primary age kids but she receives a large amount each month in benefits. So much in fact that she manages to save around 500 each month and book holidays, expensive days out and never has to go without anything. It's not on credit, she's very open about it all and will happily tell everyone exactly how much she gets and what it's spent on.

Part of what makes up her huge payments every month is a disability payment for one of the dc, but they are not actually effected by their disability iyswim, and friend has mentioned a few times that she really shouldn't get this payment but when check ups happen they lay it on thickly! I don't want to elaborate more as it could be very outing along with all the other info!

The disability payment, while annoying (her child is as able in everything as other children in every way, but because of a very small thing she gets the payment) isn't the issue, if the powers that be say she is entitled then she's entitled.

I've put this in to show that she's not hard up and stuggling to make ends meet in any way.

My problem is that on top of everything, she's also earning money on the side! Quite a lot of money too, at least £100 per week. Sometimes more.

This is really pissing me off and I'm struggling to remain civil With her when she's talking about money (all the time!)

I feel very strongly that what she's doing is crossing a big line. I don't think it's based on jealousy either, even if that's what's coming across. She is my friend and I don't want to hurt her but at the same time I don't think she should be able to just carry on milking the system for every penny while also earning on the side.

I also don't want to put her in a position of struggling because I've said something, although i do feel that if she wasn't doing it then she wouldn't be in the position of getting in trouble.

In all honesty I don't think I can remain friends either way after putting all this down. It has really clarified It all for me.

So my aibu is, aibu to report her?

OP posts:
LilQueenie · 26/02/2017 19:06

yabu plus some disabilities cannot actually be seen. Its none of your business. She is not your friend either and I hope she realises this soon. Friends dont run each other down when they disagree with how another lives.

EnormousTiger · 26/02/2017 19:08

She's making money on the side and not declaring it ( you say). if that is so yes she should be reported. Many of us mumsnetters work full time and it is unacceptable if our taxes are used for this kind of thing.

Ihatethedailymail1 · 26/02/2017 19:11

And why do you claim benefits, OP?

reapercrew · 26/02/2017 19:15

As far as I know DLA is not means tested.

However I'm going to go against the grain of pp's.

I had a friend who worked cash in hand, she claimed benefits, had her housing & council tax costs paid for her while earning £200 a week straight into her hand. Not to mention her partner at the time worked away from home earning a considerable wage. Needless to say on paper they weren't together & he allegedly lived at his mothers house when home from work so that she could be classed as a single parent & claimed the benefits associated with that.

She lived the life of Riley, always had money to go out, take her DD on day trips & holidays, get her hair & nails done & shop til she dropped. It is galling & I admit I was envious, DH & I both worked full time & had nowhere near as much disposable income so one night I filled in the benefit fraud form on the internet & put in all the I formation I could, even down to cars & addresses.

The minute I hit send I felt awful, I struggled with the guilt of doing it for a long time & we have grown apart to a degree but do you know what...... it's been 2.5 years, nothing came of it at all. She's still living exactly the same lifestyle!! But I'm keeping well out of it in future

BishopBrennansArse · 26/02/2017 19:15

With friends like you, who needs enemies?
Report or don't report, as your conscience allows. But if you do report don't be a two faced cow - cut her off. Don't pretend you're her friend.

My biggest problem with your post is the sensationalist propagandist language you use with your faux outrage and all sprinkled with a liberal dose of disingenuity.

You say you know for a fact.... nobody knows the facts about my family outside the walls of my home. Not even my mother, it's no one else's business.

I have a strong suspicion the entire op and subsequent posts are complete fiction.

GoodJobSweetie · 26/02/2017 19:18

You sound very bitter and jealous. If I were you I would be ashamed of myself, I think it is best if you ask admin to delete this because you are not portraying yourself in a good way.

I would hate to have someone like you in my life, you need to stop involving yourself in her money.

Vq1970 · 26/02/2017 19:21

dawndonnaagain I am not being prejudiced about the benefits system, I'm in favour of it helping people who need it but I am not in favour of it supporting the kind of lifestyle that has been described. And in some cases it is doing that. I know somebody exactly like this but with 3 children instead of 2. Works a couple of hours a week, away days literally every weekend, a couple of holidays a year, constantly decorating and buying new things for the house and just booked a BIG holiday for this year, in addition to UK holidays already booked.

She is very open about what little money she has and no help from anyone so who is paying for this?

Where I live, this has become an easy way of life for a lot of people and it has become a lifestyle choice. This is not what the benefit system is designed for. Genuine people who need help should be able to get help but there are far too many people taking the piss and far too many people struggling to make ends meet on their salaries and not getting anywhere near the kind of lifestyle I've described or the OP has described.

You can think what you want but I am not wrong or prejudiced.

areyoubeingserviced · 26/02/2017 19:22

I think that the REAL reason that many posters are angry with the OP is that they feel that she is being disloyal to her friend.
We feel that we should be able to trust friends and therefore whether or not the op's 'friend' is milking the system is not the only issue. It makes one aware of the fact that we are being constantly judged by those who claim to care for us.

boolifooli · 26/02/2017 19:24

I wouldn't report but I would tell her you think what's she's doing as wrong and then cool off the friendship.

LexieLulu · 26/02/2017 19:24

VQ1970 I just wanted to comment to say I 100% agree with you. You seem to be getting stick which frankly I am shocked by.

Those on benefits should be able to afford to live. Roof over heads, food on table. They should not be able to afford luxuries such as holidays

Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 19:24

She is very open about what little money she has and no help from anyone so who is paying for this?
Credit cards.
Where I live, this has become an easy way of life for a lot of people and it has become a lifestyle choice. This is a myth that the Tories want you to believe. When investigated, the Joseph Rowntree Foundation and various other charitable institutions could find no evidence.

You are both wrong and prejudiced.

Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 19:25

He also receives a separate payment each week for him to spend on alcohol as he is classed as alcohol dependent
Bollocks.

PortiaCastis · 26/02/2017 19:26

There is a benefits cap.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 26/02/2017 19:27

I have yet to meet anyone on benefits living the kind of lifestyle you describe OP. I was a lone parent and claimed DLA for my son and still only just about managed to cover costs. Even £100 extra a week wouldn't have funded savings and holidays and all the extras you talk about.

BishopBrennansArse · 26/02/2017 19:27

Yeah, yeah.... everyone knows someone to hang propagandist bullshit on.
Carers allowance is £62.10 a week. Not considered enough to live on. You are allowed to earn on it, so it's entirely plausible to earn a few hundred a month plus DLA and the disabled premium of tax credits.

I'd rather not have disabled children, and it's hardly kerching...

Vq1970 · 26/02/2017 19:27

Nope, she's insistent she doesn't have credit cards and doesn't put stuff on credit.

I don't live on the mainland UK, what the Tories want to people t believe as no effect on me. I only need to look around where I live and see the proof.

BishopBrennansArse · 26/02/2017 19:28

Lexie so you're saying disabled people should just exist, not live?
Why is that?

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 26/02/2017 19:29

How much do people think DLA/PIP/carer's allowance is? It's nowhere near the mega bucks you all seem to think.

Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 19:33

I don't live on the mainland UK, what the Tories want to people t believe as no effect on me. I only need to look around where I live and see the proof.

But you're not prejudiced, you just prefer anecdata. It's happening on my doorstep, at least two people in a million, it must be rife...

Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 19:34

Those on benefits should be able to afford to live. Roof over heads, food on table. They should not be able to afford luxuries such as holidays.
And those with disabilities?

Alfieisnoisy · 26/02/2017 19:36

If it makes you happy Lexie, I haven't had a holiday for the last 11 years....working or not.

For the last three years I've been Carer to my son who is autistic. Even with the disability payment I don't bring in enough to go on holiday or live the life of Riley

If other benefit claimants manage that then either they are working on the side or they have other income you know nothing about, Relatives funding stuff, credit cards that actually they might be too embarassed to tell you about, catalogues, Bright Housemate Provident. There's plenty of easy credit at very high interest out there if you know where to look.

Recently I got a brand new 55" LCD a smart TV and I love it. I didn't pay a penny for it because I was fortunate enough to be selected for a customer review program five years ago. In that time I've mostly had books or make up but four months ago they offered me this lovely television and I jumped at it. My neighbours have no way of knowing where the television came from because I haven't told them. For all I know they could be muttering about my brand new TV and sharing between themselves "how did she manage that if she is on benefits?"

Fact is that unless you live in the households AND have access to bank records and other statements then YOU DO NOT KNOW. No matter how much you think you do.

NotaSnowflake · 26/02/2017 19:37

Def NOT mega bucks (you only get ONE rate of mobility either standard or enhanced and ONE rate of care either standard or enhanced)

Cheating the system
AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 19:37

Those on benefits should be able to afford to live. Roof over heads, food on table. They should not be able to afford luxuries such as holidays

My DCs are 11 & 8. I haven't been able to use my university education yet towards a good job because my stupid body decided to fall apart. Not long after my mental health also did.

We've never been able to afford the 'luxury' of a family holiday.

Vq1970 · 26/02/2017 19:40

There is a big difference between genuine cases which would include disabilities and people just taking the piss.

You believe whatever you want to believe and i will believe what I see with my own two eyes. And as I live somewhere with a population that Is tiny compared to what you are talking about I can assure you it's a lot more than the percentage you are talking about.

Over and out.

AnnaleeP · 26/02/2017 19:43

If what you're saying is true, she could go to prison. Do you want that on your conscience? A criminal record that will affect her future earning ability so she can reduce the benefits she receives.

If you're so concerned, have the guts to say it to her face.