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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheating the system

436 replies

AngryNameChanger · 26/02/2017 14:19

I have a friend, a very good friend in fact, that I want to report for benefit fraud. I feel as unhappy as anything that I feel this way, but I do, and short of cutting all contact with her I will continue to feel very annoyed towards her.
In all honesty, even if I cut all ties, I would still feel very pissed off!

She is a lone parent to 2 primary age kids but she receives a large amount each month in benefits. So much in fact that she manages to save around 500 each month and book holidays, expensive days out and never has to go without anything. It's not on credit, she's very open about it all and will happily tell everyone exactly how much she gets and what it's spent on.

Part of what makes up her huge payments every month is a disability payment for one of the dc, but they are not actually effected by their disability iyswim, and friend has mentioned a few times that she really shouldn't get this payment but when check ups happen they lay it on thickly! I don't want to elaborate more as it could be very outing along with all the other info!

The disability payment, while annoying (her child is as able in everything as other children in every way, but because of a very small thing she gets the payment) isn't the issue, if the powers that be say she is entitled then she's entitled.

I've put this in to show that she's not hard up and stuggling to make ends meet in any way.

My problem is that on top of everything, she's also earning money on the side! Quite a lot of money too, at least £100 per week. Sometimes more.

This is really pissing me off and I'm struggling to remain civil With her when she's talking about money (all the time!)

I feel very strongly that what she's doing is crossing a big line. I don't think it's based on jealousy either, even if that's what's coming across. She is my friend and I don't want to hurt her but at the same time I don't think she should be able to just carry on milking the system for every penny while also earning on the side.

I also don't want to put her in a position of struggling because I've said something, although i do feel that if she wasn't doing it then she wouldn't be in the position of getting in trouble.

In all honesty I don't think I can remain friends either way after putting all this down. It has really clarified It all for me.

So my aibu is, aibu to report her?

OP posts:
Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 16:58

Polly Read the thread. There are a lot of people here with a lot of experience and it looks like the op is wrong.

F1ipFlopFrus · 26/02/2017 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockyBird · 26/02/2017 17:00

How is she earning the other money?

Oddsockspissmeoff · 26/02/2017 17:01

She is my friend and I don't want to hurt her

Yes you do. My friend was investigated for benefit fraud. The whole thing took more than a year leaving her severely depressed and suicidal at the prospect of prison, or going to court . I wouldn't do that to anyone. If you're going to do it then tell her, don't be one of those sly Fuckers acting all supportive afterwards.

I don't know anyone on benefits who can afford to save £500 a month. Either she's bullshitting you or you're bullshitting us.

KoolKoala07 · 26/02/2017 17:09

These type of people are the ones that spoil for those who are really in need. Shame on her, as a country if we just keep giving and giving to those playing the system eventually, possibly, there will be nothing left to give for those genuinely in need.

StumblyMonkey · 26/02/2017 17:10

If this was one of my close friends I would explain how I feel about it to them and ask them not to talk to me about their financial situation or benefits again. If I felt as strongly as you do about it I would explain how I felt and then cut contact.

I wouldn't report them though. TBH short of doing something that physically hurt someone else I wouldn't be keen to shop my close friends in for anything.

expatinscotland · 26/02/2017 17:14

Oh, bullshit!

PollytheDolly · 26/02/2017 17:20

Polly Read the thread. There are a lot of people here with a lot of experience and it looks like the op is wrong.

Yeah I have Dawn, Some of the facts are woolly, hence my she's either entitled or not comment.

If not, then that's what I meant, albeit a bit hashed, my DH was interrupting me to put a steering wheel on eBay Hmm

NotaSnowflake · 26/02/2017 17:26

I think we're already at that stage Kool. My other friend who has ended up a single mum to 4 due to very very severe DV and ended up other end of country, has just had all benefits slashed to match the rate of a sp with 1 child rather than 4, due to the Benefit cap. They keep capping her and capping her and she often cannot pay her rent in order to feed her kids. And when asked why they say "It's to encourage you to work!" However I'm not sure how she can work with 2 in primary school and 2 under 3 (one still breastfeeding) A prime example of someone who genuinely needs the help, (And she spent many years paying into the system as a Paramedic) but isn't getting it! Yet channel 5 and 'daily m' portray the Benefit Cap as being there to stop these families who claim tens of thousands per year. When in reality it is not just them they are taking from, it's those in genuine need.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/02/2017 17:29

Oh gosh, on benefits and somehow manages to book a holiday? Ugh, how truly truly awful.

OP, with respect, have several grips.

You begrudge this woman a little bit of enjoyment in life? What do you want her to do, walk round in a sack dress and eat gruel?

I would be very happy if she met a rich man

Oh please.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/02/2017 17:30

By the way I'm not condoning benefit fraud in any way, I just simply don't believe everything you are telling me, nor do I think someone on benefits should be condemned to a life with absolutely nothing.

raindripsonruses · 26/02/2017 17:31

She's saving £500 a month?

LouiseTM · 26/02/2017 17:31

YABU, its none of your business how much she gets. I think you will feel much worse if you do report this girl, its jealousy.

Serialweightwatcher · 26/02/2017 17:33

PurpleDaisies I actually know at least 3 people who claim the full amount of care - one an adult who is perfectly fine and two for children who are also - nothing to do with reading about it ... it's a fact

UnbornMortificado · 26/02/2017 17:38

You original post is missing some crucial information.

Does she have a goat and a widescreen TV?

🖥🐐

Wishforsnow · 26/02/2017 17:38

Well with lots of people doing this I can see why there is no money to fund the NHS.

PortiaCastis · 26/02/2017 17:40

Cobblers

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 26/02/2017 17:40

UnbornMortificado I bet she got them for free too Grin Wink

Charlottelouisa · 26/02/2017 17:54

What an awful person you are.
How is it affecting you in anyway??
Plus you are not 100% sure on her situation anyway

Don't call her your friend!! Coz that is the furthest away from a friend I've ever heard of.

dangermouseisace · 26/02/2017 18:32

YABU.

Why be angry at your friend? Her finances are her business. She could get maintenance from the kids father which would allow her to save. But anyway, it is still none of your business. Any issues with her benefits are between her and HMRC and I can tell you they start from the position that they assume everyone is committing fraud, whether they are or not (not, in 99.9% of cases). There is no such thing as having a 'disability that doesn't affect you'. That is an oxymoron- a disability makes you less able to do so something…it's in the word!!

Why don't you direct your anger at the people who REALLY cheat the system- the companies and individuals not paying tax, the politicians who are selling off the state so that their mates profit, the landlords who are raking in millions from housing benefit payments. They are the criminals, not your friend who has a child with a disability.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 18:36

YNBU to report her for earning on the side no (Leave the DC and the DLA out of it - it doesn't matter what you think on that one - medical professionals have decided otherwise - I don't know if it's still the case but you have to apply for DLA to get the funding for support in school, I know this because we were told we didnt stand a chance as 'DS wasn't severe' Hmm ).

If she's claiming as a single parent I'm assuming she's claiming something like income support, you're allowed to earn a certain amount on top but not too much.
I'm a single parent of two primary aged DC who's just had her money cut (gone from SG to WRAG in ESA despite having several hospital admissions) and I'm noticing the difference already.

So no, in my opinion, you're not being unreasonable as it gives the genuine ones like me and others a bad name.
I don't think she's really a friend though is she?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 18:39

Before you possibly fall out with her OP, can you ask her to come on here and tell us how she manages to save £500 at the end of the month.

I feel flush if I manage to save a fiver Grin

Deadsouls · 26/02/2017 18:40

You sound very bitter tbh. What are you going to get out of reporting your 'friend', some sense of satisfaction or would you do it for the public good, because you care so much?

ilovesooty · 26/02/2017 18:51

You knew how people would react. That's why you didn't want your spite associated with your usual username.

Deadsouls · 26/02/2017 19:00

I'm thinking maybe OP you wanted to get the anger and resentment out of your system by writing it down on here. Is there anything stopping you from bringing it up face-to-face and telling her that you're pissed off, seeing as how you're such good friends and all.

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