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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheating the system

436 replies

AngryNameChanger · 26/02/2017 14:19

I have a friend, a very good friend in fact, that I want to report for benefit fraud. I feel as unhappy as anything that I feel this way, but I do, and short of cutting all contact with her I will continue to feel very annoyed towards her.
In all honesty, even if I cut all ties, I would still feel very pissed off!

She is a lone parent to 2 primary age kids but she receives a large amount each month in benefits. So much in fact that she manages to save around 500 each month and book holidays, expensive days out and never has to go without anything. It's not on credit, she's very open about it all and will happily tell everyone exactly how much she gets and what it's spent on.

Part of what makes up her huge payments every month is a disability payment for one of the dc, but they are not actually effected by their disability iyswim, and friend has mentioned a few times that she really shouldn't get this payment but when check ups happen they lay it on thickly! I don't want to elaborate more as it could be very outing along with all the other info!

The disability payment, while annoying (her child is as able in everything as other children in every way, but because of a very small thing she gets the payment) isn't the issue, if the powers that be say she is entitled then she's entitled.

I've put this in to show that she's not hard up and stuggling to make ends meet in any way.

My problem is that on top of everything, she's also earning money on the side! Quite a lot of money too, at least £100 per week. Sometimes more.

This is really pissing me off and I'm struggling to remain civil With her when she's talking about money (all the time!)

I feel very strongly that what she's doing is crossing a big line. I don't think it's based on jealousy either, even if that's what's coming across. She is my friend and I don't want to hurt her but at the same time I don't think she should be able to just carry on milking the system for every penny while also earning on the side.

I also don't want to put her in a position of struggling because I've said something, although i do feel that if she wasn't doing it then she wouldn't be in the position of getting in trouble.

In all honesty I don't think I can remain friends either way after putting all this down. It has really clarified It all for me.

So my aibu is, aibu to report her?

OP posts:
AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 21:54

FillySucker genuine question.

How is being charged for the bed your son was sleeping in. 'underoccupying' it?

Jesus I didn't realise an extra bedroom for second kid was classed as a luxury now too. Hmm

Willyoujustbequiet · 26/02/2017 21:56

Well what do you know....the people who are critical of the op appear to be armed with figures and statistics and can back up their argument with facts....

Whilst generally the few supporting the op "know someone living the high life"

Wonder which are the daily mail readers Grin

BARB060609 · 26/02/2017 21:56

I haven't read all of the thread but I think OP should report her, and I agree with bahh and SpaceDuck's comments. Really pisses me off the hours I have to work and pay for nursery without getting a penny from the state, but some people get everything paid for and have so much free cash. Yes I know some people will say why not just give up your job etc etc but what if EVERYONE did that???

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 21:58

thefairycaravan yes I remember saying to a housing officer I didn't understand I was choosing/offering/willing to downsize from my house and thought people would be chomping at the bit for it. Not least because it's across the playing field from the very sought after secondary school.

Her response was "you'd think so wouldn't you. We can't give 3 bed houses away now because of the bedroom tax / spare room subsidy/ underoccupancy charge (delete as appropriate so the benefit bashers and daily fail readers can choose which terminology to adopt )".

reuset · 26/02/2017 21:59

Please let's not fall into the trap of using Daily Mail terminology

You're going to stop now? 'Twas you helped my almost complete my benefits bingo card with your posts. Grin

I never read anything but the Guardian. They call it the bedroom tax.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 22:00

BARB take it you get no child benefit/child tax credits/working tax credits then?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 22:01

You read the guardian reuset. That's a rotten lefty paper! Shock I can no longer engage with you in case our opinions differ..Wink

reuset · 26/02/2017 22:03

Guilty as charged Grin

Obviouspretzel · 26/02/2017 22:04

You clearly are envious and you are not her friend.

BARB060609 · 26/02/2017 22:09

Nope, nothing at all.

Catherinebee85 · 26/02/2017 22:11

I'm gonna go against the grain. I don't think you sound bitter at all. I'd feel the same as you. Why should I have to work hard and pay tax for people to ham it up and play the system. Yes they've cracked down on DLA and are reviewing and transferring to PIP but people still lie and 'lay it on thick'.

I wouldn't be able to be friends with someone like this though so I'm not sure why or how you are since it irks you so much. Are you planning to report her secretly and try to stay friends? That's the bit I'm caught on.

JHMJHM · 26/02/2017 22:12

Yes, I did know someone 'living the high life'. One couple. I know far more people who receive benefits for bloody good reason. That doesn't make me 'a daily mail reader' which is kind of a lame insult really.

The OP asked if she should report-I wouldn't bother but I would certainly drop the friendship. Bragging criminals wear thin. I know that.

WayfaringStranger · 26/02/2017 22:13

I am employed in a job where I solely worked with disabled people, I do voluntary work for a disability organisation and I attend support groups for people with my type of disability. I come across a larger than average number of people with disabilities. I also know intimate and private details about people's lives. I would say that the fraud/exaggeration rate I come across tallies with the government statistics.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 22:15

Why does the OP have to sound bitter? Didn't someone say up thread that they were on benefits themselves? So it's not just a case of "I pay my taxes for this shit". Maybe she is genuinely annoyed that her friend is screwing the system whilst other genuine claimants have to fight tooth and nail to get what they're entitled to?

Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 22:17

Flowers golivein Can't have been easy.

Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 22:19

I haven't read all of the thread Well, don't comment then.

Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 22:19

and here we go again with the divide and conquer tactics
(BBC link)

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 22:20

Yes they've cracked down on DLA and are reviewing and transferring to PIP but people still lie and 'lay it on thick'.

Catherine I didn't get mine. Because I'm considered too clever to need it. Imagine how shit that must make someone feel "Pixies can't have neurological problems or mental health issues - she's not thick / stupid enough". Because that's what it boiled down to. I understand my conditions are more complicated though. I'm not convinced the queue of wheelchairs waiting to go into the tribunal room after me were 'laying it on thick' though.

Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 22:22

Other than that, it's a fucking bedroom tax. Bedroom tax, you know, for having an extra bedroom, even if you need it because you have a child with a disability, or an adult with a disability who needs the extra space for a carer. It is a tax, even if it's not applicable to all. Let's not try and gloss over the fact that it's yet another way to penalise those who can least afford it whilst the rich can have their taxes cut still further.

Patriciathestripper1 · 26/02/2017 22:25

You are not coming across as a freind. You sound bitter and jealous especially about her being able to afford to take her kids on holidays.
If her child gets disability it will be because she deserves it as it is not easy to fake it.
Will it make you feel better to put her under the microscope and see her kids suffer because of it?

FillySucker · 26/02/2017 22:30

my comment re bedroom tax was not meant to be offensive and apologies if it came across as such, I was trying (probably hamfistedly) to make a point to those posters on the thread who throw the phrase "Daily Mail Reader" around and have a holier than though attitude to benefit FRAUD in a mind your own business, you can't possibly know the facts, kinda way.

Livelovebehappy · 26/02/2017 22:38

I would report it OP. Because if she is entitled to work on the side whilst getting benefits, as quite a few posters on here seem to think is the case, then obviously she has nothing to hide so won't be affected by any investigation anyway. But you should re-evaluate your friendship with her, as I absolutely couldn't spend time with someone with such a lack of morals tbh.

FillySucker · 26/02/2017 22:42

Patriciathestripper1 But it DOES appear easy to fake a DLA claim for some, and they make it so much harder for those genuinely in need to get the benefits they deserve.

I have a family member who is severely disabled with rheumatoid arthritis. There are days she can barely walk. I have seen her in such pain it makes me want to cry for her. Her hands get so swollen she can't hold a folk to feed herself with (she doesn't even bother trying to hold a knife) yet her claim for benefits has been denied twice and she is currently waiting on an appeal.

Whereas another family member has a child of 12 who she insists has chronic fatigue, this child gets DLA and her mother gets carers allowance. Child is able to take part on a very regular basis in after school and weekend trampolining, athletics, dancing, horse riding and martial arts. They travel miles to enter competitions and facebook is regularly treated to photos of her turning cartwheels and using the climbing wall at a local club.

It's a lottery our benefits system and a bloody joke!

Babyroobs · 26/02/2017 22:54

Filly - I agree. My job means I help people apply for disability benefits. there seems to be no logic to who gets them. I help one person to fill out the forms and am convinced there will be no problem yet they fail to get enough points. Another who I am not convinced will be awarded it, gets awarded it. It purely comes down to the assessor on the day. It is absolutely a lottery.

Safestyleukwrestler · 26/02/2017 23:01

As i was saying to my husband Paul Nuttall, my DLA covers the damage I did to my feet by working on a market stall whilst wearing Louboutins, and I'm glad of my prosecco allowance, which goes towards my chiropody. True story.

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