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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheating the system

436 replies

AngryNameChanger · 26/02/2017 14:19

I have a friend, a very good friend in fact, that I want to report for benefit fraud. I feel as unhappy as anything that I feel this way, but I do, and short of cutting all contact with her I will continue to feel very annoyed towards her.
In all honesty, even if I cut all ties, I would still feel very pissed off!

She is a lone parent to 2 primary age kids but she receives a large amount each month in benefits. So much in fact that she manages to save around 500 each month and book holidays, expensive days out and never has to go without anything. It's not on credit, she's very open about it all and will happily tell everyone exactly how much she gets and what it's spent on.

Part of what makes up her huge payments every month is a disability payment for one of the dc, but they are not actually effected by their disability iyswim, and friend has mentioned a few times that she really shouldn't get this payment but when check ups happen they lay it on thickly! I don't want to elaborate more as it could be very outing along with all the other info!

The disability payment, while annoying (her child is as able in everything as other children in every way, but because of a very small thing she gets the payment) isn't the issue, if the powers that be say she is entitled then she's entitled.

I've put this in to show that she's not hard up and stuggling to make ends meet in any way.

My problem is that on top of everything, she's also earning money on the side! Quite a lot of money too, at least £100 per week. Sometimes more.

This is really pissing me off and I'm struggling to remain civil With her when she's talking about money (all the time!)

I feel very strongly that what she's doing is crossing a big line. I don't think it's based on jealousy either, even if that's what's coming across. She is my friend and I don't want to hurt her but at the same time I don't think she should be able to just carry on milking the system for every penny while also earning on the side.

I also don't want to put her in a position of struggling because I've said something, although i do feel that if she wasn't doing it then she wouldn't be in the position of getting in trouble.

In all honesty I don't think I can remain friends either way after putting all this down. It has really clarified It all for me.

So my aibu is, aibu to report her?

OP posts:
Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 21:10

That's a great deal for a couple with one child Filly. Are they both on ESA? Does the child have a disability? Are you aware of the fact that child benefit counts as 'money you already have coming in'?
If they're fiddling, you should report them, but ops story was changing with the wind direction and had more holes than a leaky sieve!

reuset · 26/02/2017 21:11

. Google search says one council awarded discretionary housing benefit top up, due to the amount of money one alcoholic was spending on alcohol, which meant couldn't make up the rent shortfall. Not Supermarket beer vouchers, then.

It's a Daily Mail link so I won't post it here. I'd say a few people here will have read it already anyway at some point...

Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 21:11

I'm not sure if he still does but he definitely used to , it is a real thing .
No it isn't. Your father was lying. He may have got DLA but he didn't get anything on top of that for the sole purpose of purchasing alcohol.

Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 21:13

It's a Daily Mail link so I won't post it here.
That would be the Daily Fail that keeps getting into trouble for lying, would it?

Beachedwh4le · 26/02/2017 21:13

iAmNotAUser I think what OP meant was her friend had enough from benefits that she didn't need to work on the side for the 400-800 pounds more, and that if she was earning that she shouldn't also claim benefits.

Babykoala1 · 26/02/2017 21:14

I get that it is annoying, but if you report her then you should cut all ties. Otherwise you would be extremely two faced and snakey. She has obviously told you things in confidence thinking that as a friend you will keep quiet.

JHMJHM · 26/02/2017 21:15

Hi OP, just wanted to say I have been in the same situation. The friendship became untenable despite the fact my friend was loyal, great company and an interesting, positive person.

But I got to the stage where I could no longer stomach the open and near bragging disregard that her and her other half had for the benefits they were claiming. I didn't report them- just couldn't carry on socialising with them.
This was 10 years ago- I don't know if they could get away with it now. But they did then for years and years. He was an absolute con artist and I now realise in retrospect she was too- they hid under the guise of 'depression' and illiteracy- complete bollocks they were both sunny, energetic, extremely bright people but essentially criminals. It hurt and repulsed me to see them living in a massive gorgeous state paid for house, buying knock off stolen items with cash week in week out when other around me including my own mother lived in poverty because they weren't so devious.
It happens. Don't report her just drop the friendship- and explain why.

reuset · 26/02/2017 21:18

Well, yes. Daily Fail is that of course. But it shows the payment for alcohol is bunkum. I can't find any other examples from my quick skim read.

Deadsouls · 26/02/2017 21:21

These threads never go well. The 'should I or shouldn't I report...' thread seems to be a constant on this forum. I wonder why.

GoLiveInTheHouseOfDavid · 26/02/2017 21:23

Dawndonna he quite possibly was lying , but he did get extra on top of DLA , and he did use to call it his booze money . I remember thinking at the time it was a good thing he got extra really because he'd get his DLA paid monthly and go on a massive bender and have nothing left to live off within a week . It wasn't housing benefit too up either because he has been homeless for years . Of course he didn't use the extra to actually live off , he HAD to buy drink because he couldn't / can't function /walk / talk without having had a drink . Ii can't find anything on google about it though so I'm puzzled !

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 21:23

Also, to be fair, I suppose it could be possible for alcoholics to get extra money, if they qualify for the severe disability premium for example, or are on the higher esa or higher pip because of their alcoholism and or other ailments beside. But not exactly an 'alcoholics allowance' as it is being purported.

Nevertheless it IS considered when applying for benefits. I was pleasantly suprised to find I "was sober" at my recent esa assessment. Given I'm almost teetotal mind. Halo

GoLiveInTheHouseOfDavid · 26/02/2017 21:25

Apologies for the typos I have fat fingers 😬

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 21:27

Google search says one council awarded discretionary housing benefit top up, due to the amount of money one alcoholic was spending on alcohol, which meant couldn't make up the rent shortfall. Not Supermarket beer vouchers, then

That's nice to know. I scrimped and scraped to pay the rent when we ended up with the bedroom tax. I was paying for the room my son slept in because the council had decided my son and my prepubescent daughter with asthma could share as they were both under 10. Apparently I was spending too much on my gas and electricity to be able to qualify for a DHP. Hmm

reuset · 26/02/2017 21:32

That doesn't seem fair, Pixies. Has bedroom tax been abolished?

TheFairyCaravan · 26/02/2017 21:32

Alcoholics could get Incapacity Benefit, which is now ESA. Maybe he got that?

I don't begrudge them a penny, tbh. Addiction services in this country are horrendous. There's very little help. It's all well and good going all DM and saying they chose to drink, or they can give it up, but it's not that simple, is it?

TheFairyCaravan · 26/02/2017 21:36

The bedroom tax was one of the most ill thought out policies ever. It showed that the people who came up with the idea didn't have a fucking clue about what they were doing.

Where they thought all these smaller houses were going to appear from for people to move into is beyond me. And why should people have working age, with or without disabilities, have been forced out of their homes but pensioners were OK to stay?

It's absolute madness and I bet people are still in debt, probably with them mounting, from it.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 21:41

Of course it isn't fair reuset but it is what it is and you have to deal with what life throws at you. There's hundreds of mums going through the same thing across the UK and the MPs are only half arsed. No it's not been abolished as far as I'm aware. I kept paying hoping I'd be 'on the good list' and get moved to a smaller house. The minute my DD turned 10 I got a letter saying I've been taken off the waiting list as I am now classed as 'adequately housed'. My ex comes over and does the gardens for me and I can't make it up the stairs to bed some days but I didnt qualify for PIP as I was too clever (their words not mine). When I had someone from the council over last year, I was told the only way I would get a move with them is on medical grounds and I'd have to be in receipt of PIP. Helpful! My DCs go to school out of catchment and we've managed to get on that list as my Gran and Mum live over that way too and help but I'm at the bottom of the pile.

Dawndonnaagain · 26/02/2017 21:43

Yes FairyCaravan, it would have been income support/esa/incapacity, and as you rightly point out, it's an illness.

FillySucker · 26/02/2017 21:45

There is no such thing as a bedroom tax, it is not a tax, if it was it would affect everyone. it is an under occupancy charge. Please let's not fall into the trap of using Daily Mail terminology

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 21:47

TheFairyCaravan I don't know. I think it is if you fight it. My Stepmum fought it and won. So has another dear friend of mine.

Even I went a little DM when I was last in hospital, the old bedridden lady got sent home at stupid o clock at night. They weren't breaching any rules technically as it was classed as an assessment ward.

The person that got that bed was a severe alcoholic. They were adamant they were teetotal and the doc was like "well the scan we did on your liver an hour ago says otherwise". Why even bother lying?

P.s yes I know it's rude to eavesdrop but the curtains are wafer thin and they were all talking very loud. Grin

GoLiveInTheHouseOfDavid · 26/02/2017 21:48

Yes , maybe it was incapacity benefit . I was just a teenager at that time so I don't know what it was called . He still does get PIP and a bus pass too . But pp is right , addiction services in the uk are abysmal . He'd rather be in prison than outside with no professional help

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 21:51

You can call it an aubergine tax for all I care Filly it still affected us no matter what you choose to call it. You feel free to call it a 'spare room subsidy' though. Did you miss the bit where I said the room we were paying for wasn't even spare? My son was sleeping in it. With a bed and chest of drawers and everything. It was too small for a wardrobe though. (boxroom that didn't quite meet the definition requirement by 1sq ft - get your head around that).

TheNaze73 · 26/02/2017 21:51

If you have any suspicion at all of benefit fraud, I think it's your public to report it. It's theft

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 21:52

Thankyou thefairycaravan

PositivePeggyNans · 26/02/2017 21:53

Yes I think if she is earning and working she SHOULD be reported. Shes a disgrace and her children will grow up thinking this kind of shitty behaviour (everyone out for themselves) is the way forwards

It takes the piss out of everyone that is paying tax to allow it go to on, and if the woman is able to work, she SHOULD be working legit and not having her cake and eating it with benefits on top!

There are a lot of people who are low earners and manage to pay all their bills, rent, etc and do not have to lie to scam extra freebies because they have pride and dignity . In this country It is the working poor I feel sorry for, the ones who are on minimum wage and paying half their monthly wage to a private landlord .....I have a real dislike of benefits scammers as they give the genuine cases a bad name