Is DS being excluded because of his disability ?

[youcantgettome]

I hope not.

So my DS has language difficulties and Autism. He is 7. I joined him into our local football training, I was a bit apprehensive because DS hasn't played football ! (Has an odd kick of the ball) and I didn't know how the team would take to him. But anyway I went along with it.

To my surprise, when I took DS to football, he was engaged in the game. He was playing around, kicking the ball or tying to get hold of the ball to kick it. Though, when the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing...so when the coach was shouting at exercises.. DS would process the information and do the instruction but the coach and the others kids have moved on to the next exercises instruction. Ifyswim.

But other than that, I was amazed how DS did in the match...he was throwing the ball appropriately, kicking it, stopping when the players stop it. I was proud as before he would of found these difficult.

But after the session, the coach told me that maybe it would be better for DS to go to a specialist football team (there's hardly any) as its due to his understanding of language or processing of language is slow. Also, he cannot provide the attention DS needs and he has to attend to all the other kids.

I do understand but I felt a bit deflated. DS in my eyes, did excellent as he has never played footie ever ! Plus his social skills difficulties etc... he seemed he did ok. But I don't know, should we look elsewhere ? Should I give up on DS doing football ? I told a friend this and she was shocked and thinks DS was excluded because of his disability ? But I've heard that football is quite competitive so the coaches naturally are ?? Idk.

What do you mumsnetters think ?

I know all clubs are different but a typical session for me would be:-

Warm up all together. Then passing drills as a full group. Then we split into contact and non-contact. (Numbers a fluid - forgotten gum shields/headwear for those who need is automatic non contact) then we will do some more specific skills then into small matches at the end

LimeBubbles but if the coach has seen, in one session, that it's not going to be the right fit, why shouldn't he speak up then? Perhaps he just wanted to flag up to the OP that it might not be the best fit and didn't intend it to be a "he's not welcome" message and more of a "Perhaps this isn't the best suited group for him"? If he felt that even with adjustments it was going to be too hard for him to keep up?

It wasn't that he wasn't a "good fit" it was because he has a disability, even a NT might struggle to keep up on the first practise so why not try a few more. I just dont understand why he couldnt be nice and just say I noticed your DS was struggling, what can we do to help, we'd love to include him, he might not get into the league matches, but hes more then welcome to train with us and play the practise matches, I doubt future david beckham is going to be disadvantaged because ops ds is running slightly slower in the warm ups.

meij it was the coach who noticed my reservation and encouraged me to help him but I didn't want to over step my mark.

you rugby could work. Would have been more than welcome to help your DS at one of my sessions.

I was at the first mixed ability World Cup. It was amazing 😊 and abilities ranged from NT to mild to really quite severe.

Jigglytuff I see exactly why you are so frustrated.
It seems when it comes to sports all bets are off when it comes to children being included.
It sucks.
I've seen grown men squaring up to each other at a fucking cub football tournament. It's absolutely pathetic. Whatever happened to children just having fun?
We don't play any football/rugby/cricket games because they just turn nasty and over competitive.
I think it says more about the value the parents put on sporting skills than anything else.

Thanks Jaques that's fantastic ! Where do you coach ?

Why not go and spend the time and money getting yourself a soccer coaching qualification , sports safeguarding training, dBs and then offer to go and support your son's training at the club for free whilst paying his fees . if you are not as his parent, prepared to do that .then why do you expect other people to?

Jigglytuff the financial(and other) resources available is, I believe, one of the things that the courts take in to account when they're considering what adjustments can be expected of a business/club/organisation.

To take a totally different example; small business, only breaking even, running from a listed premises where all entrances have stairs. No way to avoid them, nowhere to fit a lift, stairlifts or ramps almost certainly not possible for various reasons. Permission for any of these (even if possible) would be refused by both the building owner and by planning department. Costs would also be very high. If someone who requires a wheelchair wished to access the business they simply couldn't - and if they tried to pursue it as discrimination it is highly unlikely that the courts would support it as the required adjustment wouldn't be reasonable on either financial or practical grounds.

Obviously the OPs situation is somewhat different and not nearly so clear but if a child would require, say, 121 support in a volunteer coaching situation where coaches are not readily available then it's unlikely they would be considered unreasonable for refusing.

angel you don't know me. I will actually do that . DS did swimming classes when he was much younger, he liked it but he struggled. So I took it upon myself to learn swimming, went to classes, so that I was fully equipped to teach DS. I

I hate swimming with a passion. But was willing to put in the effort to help DS as he he liked it but honestly was struggling.

I'll drop you a PM. I am in Yorkshire.

Bill we're not really competitive in terms of how I coach. Of course the kids love to win but like I said I like to coach skills and enjoyment. It's a shame to write off a sport as a whole - in fact the RFU policy is learning to play for love of the game, retention of players etc.

The only thing I am 100% strict on is surrounding tackling/rucking - a player has to be totally safe before he/she is allowed to play in a match and any silliness in training is an immediate sit out. No chances because we can't take the risk.

Thanks jaques Yorkshire is far ! But I'll have a look at it and see if there's anything similar ?

Brilliant op! Go and do that
Any club would bite your hand off!

angel I will suggest it to the coach even if I don't do the whole thing. Going to classes on how to play football, teach children is what I would exactly want to do.

www.mixedabilitysports.org might be a good starting point?

We do play sports, just not ones that the kids will ever play competitively at school etc.
I'm actually a big rugby fan myself, I love it when we are at a premiership game and one of the little tag kids gets a try during the HT tournaments. They get quite a decent round of applause.
I think to be honest my comments are mostly directed at football. Rugby has a brilliant ethos. I was a bit quick off the mark there.
I'm just so annoyed for the kids that can't join in because they are seen as a pain.
Rugby does have inclusion issues when it becomes contact. Head injuries are no joke. One late tackle etc. Doesn't bear thinking about.
It's less black and white.

Ah glad to hear that. I think that is what has upset me on this thread. Being told my lack of inclusion is appalling when in reality it's a safety issue - nothing more.

We got to play at a Premiership HT last year. Totally incredible feeling. Hallowed turf 😂

JacquesHammer perhaps you could spare a bit of your upset for the children who are not included?
It rarely is actually a safety issue, it is more a competitive issue or a not wanting to bother issue.

Some of the comments on this thread have showb that at the very least there is ignorance of inclusion, let alone the outright 'suck it up' comments.

coach rugby. I fully hold my hands up and say that I couldn't cope with a child with additional needs as I couldn't give the attention needed and keep the other children safe in terms of tackling etc

That's what you said Jaques , you said that. So no child with any additional needs, no matter what.

You then backtracked and said this

you rugby could work. Would have been more than welcome to help your DS at one of my sessions

Was that because you were challenged? Because it directly contradicts your earlier statements.

I don't actually care, I am hiding this thread now, it's soul destroying.

And yet I have repeatedly asked for suggestions as to how it can be more inclusive.

I am quite happy to bother. I don't give a crap about being competitive.

My first post was poorly worded. If an additional need would compromise safety of them and others is probably a fairer comment. And before you say anything yes, I have told NT children they're not welcome if they're compromising safety.

And you HAVE to accept there are certain levels of additional need that wouldn't mix with a high risk sport.

You know what. I am so disillusioned right now that I can't see a way to carry on at all. I give bloody everything to try and make it all work. It's just not enough is it.

Time to chuck up I think.

I apologised for expressing myself badly rather than backtracking but hey.

Job done. "People like me shouldn't coach". So I won't. God knows I could use the time with my own daughter.

Apologies for any offence and trying to explain my situation.

Won't happen again.

JacquesHammer you sound like you are doing a damn good job.