Is DS being excluded because of his disability ?

[youcantgettome]

I hope not.

So my DS has language difficulties and Autism. He is 7. I joined him into our local football training, I was a bit apprehensive because DS hasn't played football ! (Has an odd kick of the ball) and I didn't know how the team would take to him. But anyway I went along with it.

To my surprise, when I took DS to football, he was engaged in the game. He was playing around, kicking the ball or tying to get hold of the ball to kick it. Though, when the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing...so when the coach was shouting at exercises.. DS would process the information and do the instruction but the coach and the others kids have moved on to the next exercises instruction. Ifyswim.

But other than that, I was amazed how DS did in the match...he was throwing the ball appropriately, kicking it, stopping when the players stop it. I was proud as before he would of found these difficult.

But after the session, the coach told me that maybe it would be better for DS to go to a specialist football team (there's hardly any) as its due to his understanding of language or processing of language is slow. Also, he cannot provide the attention DS needs and he has to attend to all the other kids.

I do understand but I felt a bit deflated. DS in my eyes, did excellent as he has never played footie ever ! Plus his social skills difficulties etc... he seemed he did ok. But I don't know, should we look elsewhere ? Should I give up on DS doing football ? I told a friend this and she was shocked and thinks DS was excluded because of his disability ? But I've heard that football is quite competitive so the coaches naturally are ?? Idk.

What do you mumsnetters think ?

But bumsex, how do you know he has football ability? OP said he seemed 'ok', but maybe it was a combination of a delay in him processing instructions and poor playing ability? As Jaques has said, a coach has a large group of maybe upto 20 other kids to coach, and its just not practical for him to direct all his focus and attention on one child. Also, I can't see why it's a big issue that he plays at this particular club. There are other alternatives. As I said upthread, my DS was not good enough to play at the first club we went to (not SN), although he was told he could still train with them. I didn't whinge about it, but took him to another club, which wasn't as competitive, and he stayed with them for the next ten years playing first team football, but at a loss were level.

Thanks and yes in the OP's case I can't see any reason why he couldn't play.

In rugby though a few seconds behind is a dangerous tackle. My risk isn't assumed it's real. I teach full contact to 8 to 11 year olds. It's a risk to ANY child if instructions aren't followed immediately.

Remember children’s football is a time for them to develop their technical, physical, tactical and social skills. Winning isn’t everything

FA code of conduct.

Why couldn't a physical disability be considered?

How are we doing with paralympics?

Is it just you Jaques? I am not familiar with rules of coaching, I thought there had to be more than one adult present.

Being a volunteer is not an excuse to shove the inconvenient ones elsewhere. What motivates volunteering? Is it purely to help the (able/NT) community?

Of course I'll answer. From what the op has written a bit of understanding seems like all that would be required. Maybe the coach could have asked the op about his condition and if altering his communication in any way would help. Or maybe just let him be a few seconds behind on the exercises - I'm sure the sky wouldn't fall in.

Full contact is not allowed in 8-11 year olds.

I know that Bumsex. I was just correcting something Jiggly got wrong.

I don't know what the answer is. Children's football connected to professional clubs gets adequate funding to train the coaches and they can afford additional staff to support DCs who need it. But how can a small group based at a local park do that? The answer would be adequate funding but it just isn't forthcoming at grass roots level. Professional sport guards its money and councils are hard pressed to find money just to keep the pitches going.

I'm not a sport fan but I do appreciate anyone who gives up their time to work with youth teams and would hate to see them close. Of course there should be inclusive groups for all DCs who want to participate in sport but we have to be realistic and not expect every group to be able to be, much as they might wish they could.

I don't need to defend - I am explaining why SOME activities can't simply be adjusted. It's not that easy due to manpower and type of activity.

But again I am happy to hear suggestions as to how I could be more inclusive.

Where on earth are you getting the idea from the he took up 'all' the coaches time?

What an utterly horrible post, yes, stop whinging op.

Yes bum DS doesn't lash out, he never has. He is very receptive when other people tell him what to do--as in he would listen to them but takes a bit to respond. The only thing is that he gets tired quickly.

Foxes - you're mistaken. Full contact is permitted. I am qualified and coach it.

I have an under 9s side, an under 10s and under 11s who all play on full contact matches - the rules are tailored to the youngest in the side so if I play a mixed 10s and 11s side we play under 10 rules.

The few 8 year olds I have train contact but play tag.

I've no idea of his ability but the coach specifically referred to his disability being the reason he couldn't attend. Yet this is apparently not discrimination according.to some.

What am I whinging about Fox ?

You don't volunteer on the basis that you will only have neurotypical children without any additional needs on your team - that would be extremely discriminatory

Of course not...and I think the coach was a bit quick off the mark to suggest this after only one session.

But in reality, I think it's unreasonable to expect a child who is unable to keep up/follow instructions to be able to join a local football team at this age.

Ds2 is 7 and Dh is one of the volunteer coaches. There are usually 2 of them at training and 30 kids. The ones who can't/don't keep up or listen (NT or not) have to be asked to sit out because the team is run by volunteers and there are not enough of them for 1:1 support for longer than a minute or two per child.

Like a pp said, there are other 'for fun' football activities available on weekends etc where the football is just for fun, more relaxed and not with an aim of preparing for league matches etc...surely this would be a better idea?

Foxes - 2 of us split group. One will have older and do full contact. One younger and do tag and then swap.

I am desperately trying to get more staff. But you know it's like pulling teeth.

It's despicable that the OP been accused of whinging. She has done nothing of the sort.

I think foxes was being facetious

live I don't know, but the coach just mentioned his language processing and that it would be a big issue as the language demands get complex. DS has never done football before, so this was his first time.

JacquesHammer they are not playing 'full' contact at the ages that you are describing.
Please don't presume that you are more qualified than I am, although I would love to know your club.

Actually. One of my 8 year olds is deaf. And I include him but it's so, so difficult and I genuinely right now can't see how he'll make the move to full contact at such a young age.

youcantgettome I have been defending you for the whole thread. It was with regards to Live saying that she didn't whinge- implying that you were.

Oh sorry Fox my apologies. It's hard to know when reading the posts.

Foxes - I'm not sure why you're querying this? We're playing full contact as per rules. Rucking. Mauling. Tackling. The only difference is really non contested scrums and no hand offs. Also they don't kick in game until under 11.

We do regular tournaments with local premier rugby union clubs. Last tournament had 16 clubs. All playing contact.

OP unfortunately our children with SN cannot fully access mainstream activities due to staffing, the requirements of the activity etc. Whilst it seems unfair it is unfortunately just the way it as, as our children often cannot keep
up with the pace, skill development and Lower level of support.... I would look at specialist sports group as they can adapt to your DS's needs better.

None of us were there. I'm not doubting the OP as such (so please don't take it that way) but her focus was obviously on her son; she was proud to see him playing, participating and so on. But she's not an experienced coach, doesn't know the rest of the team or its dynamics and also doesn't know whether the session that happened that night was a normal session or what the coach had planned. The coach knows his abilities, his teams abilities, what the future training/playing plan is and so on. He is in a far better position to evaluate whether he could cope, as a single volunteer coach, with the additional input which he perceived would be required.

Sometimes discrimination is unavoidable, and what is and isn't reasonable varies hugely by circumstance. The word reasonable is used very deliberately.

Isn't the most important thing that your 8 year old player is having fun and doing his best Jacques?