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Original poster

Is DS being excluded because of his disability ?

502 replies

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 16:30

I hope not.

So my DS has language difficulties and Autism. He is 7. I joined him into our local football training, I was a bit apprehensive because DS hasn't played football ! (Has an odd kick of the ball) and I didn't know how the team would take to him. But anyway I went along with it.

To my surprise, when I took DS to football, he was engaged in the game. He was playing around, kicking the ball or tying to get hold of the ball to kick it. Though, when the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing...so when the coach was shouting at exercises.. DS would process the information and do the instruction but the coach and the others kids have moved on to the next exercises instruction. Ifyswim.

But other than that, I was amazed how DS did in the match...he was throwing the ball appropriately, kicking it, stopping when the players stop it. I was proud as before he would of found these difficult.

But after the session, the coach told me that maybe it would be better for DS to go to a specialist football team (there's hardly any) as its due to his understanding of language or processing of language is slow. Also, he cannot provide the attention DS needs and he has to attend to all the other kids.

I do understand but I felt a bit deflated. DS in my eyes, did excellent as he has never played footie ever ! Plus his social skills difficulties etc... he seemed he did ok. But I don't know, should we look elsewhere ? Should I give up on DS doing football ? I told a friend this and she was shocked and thinks DS was excluded because of his disability ? But I've heard that football is quite competitive so the coaches naturally are ?? Idk.

What do you mumsnetters think ?

OP posts:
bigearsthethird · 26/02/2017 10:17

Aeroflot girl - exactly you seem completely level headed and reasonable. I'm sure if it hadn't worked out at the church group if the leader couldn't cope you wouldn't be demanding the church group be shut down.

Children should be included in everything if measures can be taken to accommodate them. If for whatever reason those measures are not reasonable or possible then unfortunately the child can't included.

I'm not disabilist by any means, my nephew is in a wheelchair and has learning difficulties. I am however a realist. And he understands that sometimes there's going to be things he isn't able to join in with because of his wheelchair. Not because people are mean. so my brother looks for a similar activity that can accommodate him .

Aeroflotgirl · 26/02/2017 10:23

No bigear I woulden't I would have probably put it down to experience and tried to find a group that could accommodate my daughter, or supervised her at the group. Most of these groups are volunteer run, my daughters dance class is not though, but is taught by a young lady who is probably inexperienced with ASD. Before having my daughter, I totally was, I could understand how if you have never had any experience of ASD, it can be scary, hell its scary for me when she is having a meltdown.

Witchend · 26/02/2017 10:23

What a lot of people here don't seem to realise is that that it standard by 8yo round here for any child. In some teams yes 7yo too.

I've a friend whose ds decided at that age he would like to join a football team. The first 4 teams did a one session trial and said no thanks.
The fifth said no thanks, except we're short on a goalkeeper, would he be interested.
So he joined as goalkeeper.

A lot of teams at that age have been playing 2 years and doing training and a child who has never played will struggle.

It's a bit like the person who turned up to our tennis club having not played except at school 20 years previously. She came to our social any one can play session. I don't think she got the ball over the net and it wasn't a pleasant game for the other three people on the court, but we swap round and people were nice and welcoming to her.

At the end she signed on the sheet for matches.
The club secretary approached her to say that this was a little premature. She said it was absolutely fine, she was sure that she'd be up for the first match in a month's time if she came to every session.

N all honesty, having a certain amount of experience I doubt she'll be up to it by next year she's got so far to go. However we won't know as she drew herself up in a humph, shouted we were all prejudice against her and walked off never to be seen again.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/02/2017 10:25

Yes its being realistic, in an ideal world everyone would be able to do anything they want, but unfortunately not. My daughter wants to drive a car and live independently when she is older, but I don't know how I can see that happening, when she screams and shouts when I got to the toilet, or when she has lost something.

MollyHuaCha · 26/02/2017 10:28

I think your DS could stay in the current football coaching session. If I were the parent, I would explain to the coach how delighted I was that DS had responded so well.

The coach needs to know:

  1. That your expectations as a parent, and your DS's expectations as a child may be different to his expectations as a coach, but nevertheless you and DS saw it as successful.
  1. Children with disabilities need positive role models from other children around them.
  1. Children without disabilities need positive interactions with disabled people.

4.,Unless there's a good reason to separate, why not have them learn and have fun together?

Original poster
youcantgettome · 26/02/2017 10:42

"....the disability means he won't be able to keep up with the other children ".

I don't agree with this comment. Maybe in DS case regarding football but I've known children with SEN - the ones who have autism and or language and communication difficulties
(as those are the type of Sen I work with in my work) thrive in certain sports.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 26/02/2017 10:48

youcan it sounds as though yiur son did so well, you should be really proud, he did nothing wrong. That team was not the best fit for him.

Original poster
youcantgettome · 26/02/2017 10:49

Jaques don't quit coaching !! I totally understood your earlier post... I guess it would be overwhelming for someone who hasn't come across a particular SEN and knowing what to do in a dangerous situation. But don't quit coaching.

OP posts:
Original poster
youcantgettome · 26/02/2017 10:50

Areo Yes sadly, it is disheartening but I'm going to look elsewhere.

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 26/02/2017 10:59

Have you thought of looking for sports that take actively part in sn sports /Paralympic etc.
Have you any trampolining clubs nearby?
My ds (nt) has done a few competitions through his school and there is a SN/disabled category in these competitions (sorry not exactly sure) and one of his team mates competes in this category.

Original poster
youcantgettome · 26/02/2017 11:01

Bert I've tried but there is really any around where I am... unless I travel further out. Also, some only admit a particular SEN.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 26/02/2017 11:05

This is our local one, if my son who us 5 wanted to play football, because of his Dev delay and speech delay I would contact them

www.mkdons.com/team/disability_team/. youcant see if tgere us so thing similar where you live.

Original poster
youcantgettome · 26/02/2017 11:12

That looks good Areo ! I'm going to check if there's anything similar where I am based.

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 26/02/2017 11:13

Have you also tried your council? My local council has a disability sports officer who runs some specialised sports sessions.
There used to be football and swimming sessions running.

Original poster
youcantgettome · 26/02/2017 11:14

bert no I haven't !! Why didn't I consider that ! I'm definitely going to look into that .

OP posts:
T1mum3 · 26/02/2017 11:57

Does everyone know that Lionel Messi lives with autism? Not saying that his autism is the same as the OP's DS's, but indicates that SN shouldn't necessarily be a barrier to playing football at whatever level.

Holowiwi · 26/02/2017 12:02

I have seen a lot of criticism for the volunteers but have yet to see any answers to resolve the lack of people available to help, the lack of training to deal with those who are not NT or ensuring that these sports are played as safe as possible and also potentially holding the other children back.
I suggest that these people try volunteering themselves we could always use the numbers

LouKout · 26/02/2017 12:12

Nice victim blaming.

melj1213 · 26/02/2017 12:15

T1Mum that is an unnfortunately not true. Another Argentine footballer, Romario said that he thought that Leo had Aspergers and was on the autistic spectrum, as part of an interview with an Argentine reporter, it was then translated into the Portugeuse and Spanish press as him being Autistic and then again into the English media, when it is nothing more than an interview comment by another footballer that has in no way been confirmed to be true.

I am not saying that there aren't sports people who have Autism and/or SENs but Messi is not one of them.

melj1213 · 26/02/2017 12:18

LouKout I have seen you posting a lot in this thread, but not once have you said anything constructive or positive, just judgement of the people who do volunteer and of their attempts to try and be as inclusive as possible.

How about instead of judging Holowiwi's post and saying it's "victim blamng" you actually answer the question posed, and if you can't or won't why are you still here?

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 26/02/2017 12:18

Actually is has never been confirmed or denied about Messi.

T1mum3 · 26/02/2017 12:22

Ah sorry, I looked at a few sources to try to check whether it was "fake news" but obviously got it wrong. Apologies.

Livelovebehappy · 26/02/2017 12:26

What I don't get is why competetiveness seems to be frowned upon by some people, as if it's a weakness that should be stamped out. I really can't see anything wrong in a group of children wanting to win something, and being passionate about it. A lot of children thrive on competetiveness, and I look on it as a positive thing as it's that passion and competetiveness that will propel a child to achieve great things. Some children don't like it, and will join another activity or group where things are more relaxed and where they can play just for fun, but others who play to win should not be critisised just because they don't want to include someone in their team who will put them at a disadvantage. My DS isn't bothered about winning, but just plays footy because he enjoys it. Any pressure put on him by other players or the coach would make him not want to play, but he has found a 'fit' with a team who plays for fun, but that doesn't mean there should be forced inclusion in other teams which don't meet a child's 'fit'.

LouKout · 26/02/2017 12:27

Right ok mel

CosyNook · 26/02/2017 12:29

Melj

LouKout Sun 26-Feb-17 12:12:09
Nice victim blaming

I was about to say the same thing. Just shows that some people purport to campaigning for better equality when really they just want a fight. Very sad.

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