Is DS being excluded because of his disability ?

[youcantgettome]

I hope not.

So my DS has language difficulties and Autism. He is 7. I joined him into our local football training, I was a bit apprehensive because DS hasn't played football ! (Has an odd kick of the ball) and I didn't know how the team would take to him. But anyway I went along with it.

To my surprise, when I took DS to football, he was engaged in the game. He was playing around, kicking the ball or tying to get hold of the ball to kick it. Though, when the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing...so when the coach was shouting at exercises.. DS would process the information and do the instruction but the coach and the others kids have moved on to the next exercises instruction. Ifyswim.

But other than that, I was amazed how DS did in the match...he was throwing the ball appropriately, kicking it, stopping when the players stop it. I was proud as before he would of found these difficult.

But after the session, the coach told me that maybe it would be better for DS to go to a specialist football team (there's hardly any) as its due to his understanding of language or processing of language is slow. Also, he cannot provide the attention DS needs and he has to attend to all the other kids.

I do understand but I felt a bit deflated. DS in my eyes, did excellent as he has never played footie ever ! Plus his social skills difficulties etc... he seemed he did ok. But I don't know, should we look elsewhere ? Should I give up on DS doing football ? I told a friend this and she was shocked and thinks DS was excluded because of his disability ? But I've heard that football is quite competitive so the coaches naturally are ?? Idk.

What do you mumsnetters think ?

Cosy I'm so glad you were enjoying it for some of us, it's not something to debate about, it's daily life. Whether it's us or our kids. And to have that struggle mocked, debated, sneered at or belittled is really difficult to handle without losing your shit. Believe me, I've been restrained on this thread.

The problem is people like me ask questions on how we could help and you get people refusing to answer.

I genuinely don't see how that will help? I was trying to educate myself into how things could change but sadly that wasn't forthcoming. That would have been really helpful for me.

Jacques I haven't read all the posts, what were you asking? Not that I have all the answers mind, but if there's something I can answer I will try.

Sorry that my refusing to suggest things when i have no knowledge of the sport led you to make such a drastic decision

Don't complain to the FA that I'd ridiculous 😂

The thing is, if you volunteer but refuse to accept children with additional needs you are not benefiting your club or your community. You are opening up your club to legal action under the Equalities Act 2010, you are directly damaging children and families and you are encouraging the other children to participate in a culture which is both immoral and illegal.

For what it's worth, my DS received some abuse from a child (who has SEN) about his disability at his sport club. This included body slamming him causing some of the medical equipment he wears on his body to become detached. I spoke to the Club Welfare Officer and we worked with the volunteer coaches to find a solution. The coaches were able both to accommodate some reasonable adjustments for my son's disability and for the other child's behavioural needs. Both boys had a great season and got a lot out of playing their sport and contributed hugely to the results of the club.

At the end of the season I bought all the coaches gifts to say thank you. Their response was - thanks, but it's all part of coaching kids.

That's how it should work.

On the other hand, we've basically given up on another sport because one of the coaches this year has a problem with my DS's disability and with my other DS's SEN. Yes I should probably complain and fight, but I've other battles that I'm fighting for my DS and I only have so much energy.

Also, for what it's worth, I volunteer (helping out at the sports club along with a lot of other parents), but also for another organisation. Just because someone has a child with SEN or a disability, doesn't mean they aren't contributing to their community.

Great post T1mum

Just because someone has a child with SEN or a disability, doesn't mean they aren't contributing to their community

This! A million times over. Well said T1mum

Nobody is saying disabled children shouldn't play sport, its about the limitations of the coach and the club and what reasonable adjustments can be achieved.

But there's a big difference with a dad running a small team in the park on a Saturday morning, and your local football club which has staff, money, time, equipment and training.

Lou - like I said. Small straw. Don't think it was all you 😂

My mistake has been suggesting that contact rugby might not be appropriate for some levels of additional needs. Not from a competitive point of view (I have kids I pick weekly who can't catch or run 😂) but from a safety point of view.

That said I am at a loss as to how that could be addressed should the situation arose and it seems if I were to suggest that to a parent I would cause distress.

It's time for me. 2 years is a fair whack. I can't please everyone and I want to.

Jaques

I totally agree T1, excellent post. I hope op is able to find a better club for her son. In our local ASD support group, one of the fathers set up a relaxed football session for the kids, once a week. There are many factors, these are volunteers, who may not have much experience with SN, and be scared or unsure what to expect. My daughters brown owl, who has lots of experience with ASD, as she supports chikd with ASD in her day job, found it hard, as she has 35 other children to help, and couldent give her individual,attention. So SS funds a carer to support her in Brownies and she does really well. However, my dughter goes to the local,church youth club, where nobody supports her, she is absolutely fine. The people who run it, are teachers in their day job, and Mabey have more experience than your average volunteer.

I'm sorry your son had to go through that. My son has autism and has played football for the last 3 years. Luckily his coach and team love him and want him there. We've offered to find another team as it's become more competitive and the coach, team and parents refused! A good team is out there,where fun is the goal.

I am sorry to hear that Jaques, please don't jack it in, because of some opinions on here. Where it can a group or a club, shoukd make reasonable adult entertainment, and try and be flexible for children with additional needs, sometimes a child's needs may be beyond what they can manage. Even in my daughters special school, her behaviour can be challenging, they find it very hard, I can't imagine how the brownie leader would deal with 35 other chikdren whilst she's having a meltdown.

Thanks Aero. It isn't just due to people on here. Volunteering tends to come with a badge that says "fair game".

When you're even been criticised on an anon forum for trying to do the right thing and it bothers you it's time to accept that I don't have a thick enough skin any more.

It's sad that these few parents on her with children with sn (not the op) are so bitter to the point that if their child isn't included in everything, at everyone else's expense or sometimes detriment then no one should be able to do it.

I hope this isn't reflective of all parents with disabled children.

I see none of you answered by q earlier. Where is the stopping point for inclusion of a child in something?

Should the football team have allowed for a wheelchair bound child, a blind child, a child with deformity who can't run? Should an nt child who was bad at football be in the team over and above the other much better players who had been there a lot longer?

I am genuinely curious to the answer. Because all I see here is a coach who gives up much of his free time to teach children a competitive sport and it simply isn't suited to all children. On this occasion it was the child inability to keep up. I haven't seen anyone saying nt children are more important or sn children less so. All they've said is sometimes children can't be included for a host of reasons. I haven't seen anyone 'sn bashing' or however it was put.

I hope Jacquess you do not give up coaching because of the views of these few parents. Sports volunteers coaches do an amazing job with children and they should not be forced to include children who they know will take up too much resources or cause the rest of the team to fall behind. Whatever the reason for that might be.

I just wanted to add to can't find a username2 good news post by saying that ds7 who is thoroughly disruptive and terrifically hard work has been welcomed and accepted by his local Beaver group for 18 months now. I wouldn't even have signed him up but the leader asked me if I wanted him to go and even rang me to ask if had filled in the form yet!

I keep checking that they are managing OK but they always tell me that everyone is welcomed in scouts and they want him there. I am looking at a 'buddy support' scheme Mencap runs for some 1:1, as I think it is alot of work for the leaders and am conscious that the other kids have to put up with quite a lot of jumping around from ds. But, in a world where ds doesn't really fit, it's great to have somewhere which is welcoming.

I think there was a compromise to be had where this coach looked at ways round some of the problems he anticipated. I have to say, had my son done as well as ops at an activity, I would be bloody delighted. I can't really see what the problem was.

Not adult entertainment silly autocorrect, adjustment 😬😬

big I am an SN parent, and do absolutely understand both sides of the coin, hence dd has careers support her, as it would be a lot for the dance teacher and brownie leader to deal with. Of course I totally agree with inclusion, but it depends on the activity and the child's needs.

That is why I am saying, that op shoukd not give up on the Football front, that club was not right for her son, there might be one that welcomes him with open arms and is able to accommodate his needs.

As i have said upthread I coach an individual sport and in the most part cannot accommodate special needs. So i really don't see how a team sport could. No court in the land is going to make a small volunteer led sports ccoaching session incorporate an individual who compromises the safety and/or progress of the group

Wow. Just wow.
I came on last night saying there is no excuse at all for excluding anyone. That with a bit of thought, and work with the parents, we can normally get things to work. I'm a volunteer. It is thankless, people seem to think we must get paid because "why else would you do it? What's in it for you?" I do it for the love of it.
So does Jacques
She has been jumped on and picked on (before anyone denies it, go back and RTFT)
Her point was very valid. She can be totally inclusive up to the point that contact is taught in Rugby.
Rugby is great, it teaches brilliant discipline, teamwork etc. Due to the tackles and contact it is bloody dangerous if your child cannot follow the instructions immediately. You'd be the first person jumping up and down if your poor kid broke a collar bone, or got a concussion from a late tackle.
It's just not always possible for volunteers to be everywhere at once. For people to suggest the entire team should close because a coach doesn't want to take a risk with your kids health it sickens me.
You are part of the problem.

Brownies cannot be compared to a team sport

angledelight your team might not be able to accommodate special needs, but to say that team sports cannot accommodate children with special needs, is downright disablist and wrong. As others have said on here, there are teams that have accommodated people's children with SN. Our local football club also runs a team for children with disabilities, so they can be accommodated.

I just wanted to offer some suggestions op. My eldest gs played for a very competitive football team which he decided to leave despite being a talented sportsman. It was the level of aggressive from the coach whose son was the star player - there was simply no enjoyment in the sport.

Up to a certain age, the team was more inclusive in that all the players regardless of ability had an opportunity to play at weekends. As they got older, it was solely on ability and my gs was required to attend at his dad's eow so he was dropped from the first team. Harsh, but that was that team. The team came first and this is what you have encountered.

My gs also played for the school team which was inclusive and this may be a way forward for your ds. I mean this to be in no way disablist, just a way forward for him to continue in a sport he benefits from and enjoys. Is there an after school football club at your son's school he could attend? Also there are generally clubs on during the school holidays and half terms which he could attend, sometimes offering half day sessions during the week.

Sometimes you do not want any child in these clubs.