To ask what you'd expect from your 3 year old when out and about?

[ChangedUsername123]

Since I got so much support and help on my other thread, I'd thought I'd ask for some more input!
I'm about to start the gruelling process of filling in DS1's DLA forms. He was awarded middle rate care 8 months ago, but now they want to see if he'll be eligible for the higher rate care and the mobility element. His GP has also suggested we apply for the higher rates too.

This form is huge (and quite depressing) and the best advice I've gotten from doctors/HC Professionals is to compare how DS is different from other children his age. Trouble is, I don't really know what a neurotic typical child behaves like!
So what would you expect from your 3 year old when you're out.
Would they be in the pram?
Would they need reins?
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry?
Do they need nappies?
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you)
Do they travel on public transport very well?
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion?
Could you take them food shopping?
Comparisons like that are what I need to make on the form. It's pretty horrible, as it completely focuses on the negative, but if it means getting the help DS needs then it's worth it!
Thank you

In a buggy - No, not mine but lots of people use them at least occasionally at that age.
Ditto reins.
It is common for children to be out of nappies age 3 (I'd say that is the norm) so can say if they need the loo.
Child could generally say if hungry (occasional melt down if not recognised)
Could walk for 20 min at a stretch if not distracted
Public transport fine
Probably wouldn't try doors but I'd keep a close eye. Would certainly stop trying to open door if told.
Food shopping - generally fine unless hungry or tired.

HTH

So what would you expect from your 3 year old when you're out.

DC 3.1

Would they be in the pram? No - if walking around town they would be without a pushchair - however we live 30 minute walk from town so they may jump in on the ride home - double pushchair from when they were younger.

Would they need reins? No

Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? Will say if they need the toilet [trained at 2 years 4 months] Will ask if its lunchtime soon

Do they need nappies? No

How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) Stop as in to look at ants on the floor - occasionally - stop because they need to rest very infrequently; maybe at the end of a long busy morning when walking home.
Do they travel on public transport very well? Yes - can get on, sit down on a chair and wait/chat quietly until we get home [20 minutes]
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? Yes - they wouldn't do it but if told then they definitely wouldn't.
Could you take them food shopping? Yes. Would walk around the shop with me. Its a novelty as we usually do online shopping.
Comparisons like that are what I need to make on the form

. It's pretty horrible, as it completely focuses on the negative, but if it means getting the help DS needs then it's worth it!
Thank you

My son is only just 3 so this may be different to a child who is nearly 4.

On a long walk he might spend some time in the buggy and some time walking depending on how far it is.

Otherwise, for short distances he will walk holding hands (no reins).

He can say if he's hungry.

We are toilet training at the moment so he has pull ups.

We don't use public transport/taxis but have no issues with him.attempting to.open car doors /remove his seatbelt.

I take him.good shopping regularly - no issues - I sit him in a trolley and he's happy to chat/look around while we shop.

I hope this helps and wish you pick with the form

I have a three year old, no nappies, no pram. Walks ten minutes to school with me no issues or stops, will stay in car no problem for twenty minutes to half hour before complaining. Is starting to dress herself (tights and some tips with small neckholes require help) and play independently for up to an hour if in the right mood...

Dd 3.10

Would they be in the pram? No
Would they need reins? No
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? Yes
Do they need nappies? No
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) Not at all
Do they travel on public transport very well? Yes will sit nicely and talk to me, look out the window etc
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? She wouldn't even try
Could you take them food shopping? Yes although she may moan for a magazine

Just had third birthday. My son will walk for about 20 / 30 minutes but we take the buggy if we're going out for the day or if he needs a nap. He will hold hands to walk. Out of nappies for over a year so will ask to go the toilet. Speaks in sentences so will ask for food etc. Sits in the trolley when food shopping. HTH

My 3yo is out of nappies. Ish. Asks for a wee.

Sometimes too distracted to realise he is hungry/ thirsty. But often asks.

He walks, runs ahead- knows not to run into road, and stays within calling distance.

Car doors always child locked- he has never attempted to open them. But may find brightly coloured handles in a black cab exciting.

Oh yeah, I often visit toilet immediately, so he has a chance to explore- touch ornaments, etc. Then when he needs to go later, there is not the novelty- distraction.

He chats about what we see/ mostly dog poo. He chases pigeons, looks on shop windows. Talks to cats.

Food shopping I prefer without him. He runs and karate kicks in aisles. Ofte. Demands the strategically placed magazines and kinder eggs. But generally he's good- insists on loading bits onto conveyor.

On the whole he's energetic, inquisitive and friendly but obedient and wary enough of strangers, new situations to not be out of control.

My 3 year old is in a buggy and still in nappies. I could take her shopping as long as I'm prepared to spend 20 minutes looking at the toys, and give her jobs to find stuff for me.
When out and about she can be very whiney if hungry cold or thirsty and although she can tell me, she doesn't often realise herself, so I always take snacks, nappies, drinks, the kitchen sink etc with me
She loved buses so will be as good as gold as long as sat next to me or on my lap if I've put the baby in the buggy. She won't stay in the buggy.

I try not to walk anywhere with her as she will cry to be carried after about 5 painfully slow steps (yet can keep going for hours in a soft play or trampoline park). So I always take buggy for her and sling for baby.

Her elder sister was the same at the same age and is now out of nappies and walks or balance bikes every where, so I'm not worried, just exasperated!

Dd is 3.11 so not sure how helpful I will be but:

Would they be in the pram? No not used a pram in over a year

Would they need reins? No, again probably at least 6 months to a year with no reins

Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? No nappies but she will tell me if she needs a wee or a poo on the toilet and will tell me she's hungry/wants something to eat

Do they need nappies? No not since she was 2ish

How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) Not at all

Do they travel on public transport very well? I don't use it but my parents have taken her on a bus and she's been good if a bit excited apparently!

Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? Yes but then she would probably try! If I never mentioned the door she wouldn't try and open it.

Could you take them food shopping? Yes but it's 50/50 whether she behaves. Numerous times shes been taken out of the shop for misbehaving, running round etc and not listening when we tell her to stop.

Oh right. Well haha
My DS is only just 3

Pram - Yes
Reins - Yes (even when in the pram in case he escapes and bolts)
Can't tell us if he's hungry, is still in nappies won't tell us or let us know if he's wet/pooped
A five minute walk with reins and no pram we'd stop on average 5/6 times for a meltdown (collapses in heap on floor, won't be moved) and maybe 3/4 times if something takes his interest (like a puddle)
Can't really do longer than 5 minute walks because of that would involve seeing cars which he finds fascinating and would just run full pelt at even when they're moving
Has to be in a pram on public transport. He won't sit on a seat. Will scream if a stranger touches him will often kick too. Will scream if it's too busy and rock back and forth in the pram.
Have to request taxi with child safety as he'll open the door. Any attempt at restraint is met with screams (we've had to get out on numerous occasions) doesn't understand 'don't touch' or anything like that.

That's quite a bit of difference!
We don't get much chance to socialise with other parents! Any attempt at parent and toddler is just us running after DS constantly haha

At three, they would walk not use buggy.
They were continent and able to ask for loo but needed reminding to go before we left home or wherever we were.
They knew to hold pram handle when crossing or near roads.
They could walk without resting for about an hour but we stopped to look at things. They climbed their first mountain at 4 (albeit Catbells!)
They enjoyed shopping for short periods and 'helped'.
I would expect child locks to be on in any car they were in but they knew not to undo car seat buckles.

Oh and we don't go shopping with him. He spends the whole time trying to escape the trolley, then screaming and covering his ears the rest of the time (like its not him making most the noise )

DD2 was delayed and small for her age.

Would they be in the pram? - pushchair

Would they need reins? - if walking by busy road when just turned 3, not by 3.5

Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? - yes
Do they need nappies? - yes until 3.5

How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) - wouldn't need to

Do they travel on public transport very well? - occasional train was fine

Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? - yes

Could you take them food shopping? - absolutely

I have DS 3.5.

Would he be in a buggy or on reins? Occasionally in a stroller for a long trip round many shops or if tired. Mainly walks but is quite lazy to be honest No need for reins, will walk holding my hand.

Will he tell me if he is hungry? Oh yes!

No nappies and reliably dry in the day. Will tell if he needs the toilet.

Loves apublic transport journey but over 20-30 mins I'll take a magazine or toys to entertain.

Likes to fiddle with the car windows when I'm driving... car doors are child locked. I think he'd be tempted. Has been known to wriggle out of seatbelt if in a bad mood (I do stop!)

Stopping on a 5 min walk? Probably not, unless to hurry him along from being distracted by dinosaur footprints (cracks in road to you and I)

Food shopping? Yes, he'll happily sit it the trolley or walk around the shop holding hands. Likes to help.

Generally very talkative and pretty obedient but he's 3, he has his moments where I've had to scoop under one arm and March off.

Pushchair - no (refusal) but should be in something (ends up on my shoulders)
Reins - no (refusal) but runs off at any given opportunity
Nappy change - yes, in pull ups, but after the event
Hungry - yes, can articulate by whingeing
Nappies - yes (pull ups)
5 minute walk - stops every minute if tired otherwise polar opposite will run with gay abandon and no sense of danger
Public transport - very good but has to be at the back on buses, likes to sit on a non-seat on trams and likes to pole dance on poles in the tube
Shopping - food shopping fine if in trolley, clothes shopping has to be very short, other shopping only with mini trolleys available and treats

Mine is 3.8, just been deemed NT, but is quite hard work so although I often do go into town I only do it if he has slept, is good humoured and I have a shop/café he likes as a bribe.

This is brilliant, a little bit upsetting in a way, but it does help. We just don't get to see this comparison at all

Buggy? No unless he was sick or it was a really long walk (3 miles +).

Fine on public transport.

Would't need reins but would insist on holding hands near a busy road.

He'd want to stop and look at things every so often, or walk on a wall or something but wouldn't need to rest.

He would certainly tell us if he was hungry or needed the loo. Although if he was busy doing something he might forget to eat and get grouchy. I'd need to remind him to use the loo before we went out (e.g. he wouldn't think it's a long journey I better do a wee).

Food shopping is OK (but I'd much prefer to do it alone and not have to constantly say "no we can't have that", "put that back" etc.

He wouldn't open a taxi door if told not to.

Don't forget, this is MN - all children of parents who go on MN are out of nappies by 3, walking long distances and able to articulate quite nuanced philosophical positions on a range of issues

It isn't actually that odd for a 3 year old to need reins, some time in the pram or to wear nappies. Some do, some don't.

My ds is 3 and 2 months
Would they be in the pram?
No we have just stopped using the pushchair. Now he walks but only shortish distances- to school and back for example which takes about 25 min of walking (althouh on my own would take half the time- he is slow)
Would they need reins?
No as I have trained him to hold my hand. If he wasn't holding my hand he'd probably run off though.
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry?
Doesn't wear nappies. Usually wets a bit before saying he needs the toilet. Recently has started always going to toilet when needs a poo by himself. Always asks for food when hungry or his drink.

Do they need nappies?
No, and also dry at night. Saying this, my ds1 still wets constantly and wears nappies at night and hes 5.
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you)
We don't stop unless he has a stone in his shoe or needs clohes adjusting etc. He does walk really slowly though.
Do they travel on public transport very well?
Never done it! But I think he'd probably be a nightmare and try to run around on a bus etc.
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion?
He travels in the car a lot and has never tried to open the door.
Could you take them food shopping?
I do but he sits in the seat at the front of the trolley, moans and whines a bit. If I let him out of the trolley he'd run off and grab stuff off the shelves.

I think the point is, with a nt 3 year old, it is perfectly doable to be out and about and to run errands. And most 3 year olds can communicate their needs. Yes some might need the buggy, or reins, or have the occasional meltdown in Asda but everyday life is far easier than at 18 month/2 years.

Good luck OP

Pushchair
Didn't like walking (still doesn't age 5!)
Reins - no, has brilliant road safety sense
Hungry- sometimes but often not & the ensuing meltdowns...
Public transport -well behaved
Taxi doors - knows not to open
Was still in nappies & wouldn't let you know if needed the toilet/had wet nappy
Food - tantrums were due to wanting sweets/magazines/toys... But could do a shop with snacks ready

However, I know lots of other parents and 3 year olds vary loads!

Hope you get the help you need.

Would they be in the pram? No , I don't even own one anymore
Would they need reins? No
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? No nappies here, he will tell me if he needs the toilet or if he is hungry.
Do they need nappies? No
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) need.... not often but he likes to point out cars or the moon or a butterfly etc he likes to dawdle but rarely needs to "rest" iykwim
Do they travel on public transport very well? Yes will sit nicely on bus and chat quietly, sometimes need to bribe with food though! It's 1hr on bus to one of our local cities but 20-30 mins he's fine.

Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? Yes, no issues there
Could you take them food shopping? As long as it isn't after 5pm, he'd be tearing around

DD isn't yet 3, so don't know if my comparison would help.
Would they be in the pram? - No, she refuses to go in one
Would they need reins? - Depends where we are/who with. With DH he's less likely to use the reins as he feels more confident to chase her down.
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? - She's potty trained so no nappies, will tell us when she needs the loo. Will tell us when she's hungry/
Do they need nappies? No
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) - Depends where we are, whats around. She'll stop if interested in something
Do they travel on public transport very well? - Don't do this much, when we've had to she's fine
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? - Not been in a taxi! She can't get to car door handles in her car seat.
Could you take them food shopping? - Yes, but she still tries to grab everything off the shelves so we don't very often!

DS at 3, was potty trained during the day.
He could walk a fair distant, but he went into a pushchair to walk the dog, just so I didn't have to keep an eye on them both.
could sit in the car without taking his seatbelt off, but would try doors.
Could take him shopping, but at times would run off to the magazines
could ask for snacks and water
My partner would take him on the bus and it would be a battle to not let him push the bell all the time.

3 is a difficult age, depending on which end you look at, for my DS there was a massive leap in skills between just turning 3 and just turning 4.

DD is just 3
She stands on a buggy board and wouldn't walk very far unless at a park or something interesting like that! Or if she was with someone on her own not with her baby brother then she'd walk holding hands probably 20 minutes max before whining!

She doesn't wear nappies and will ask to go to the toilet. She'll say if she is hungry or thirsty. I don't usually take snacks or drinks with me as she is usually fine to wait for a meal time.

Fine on public transport although finds it very exciting as we don't do it often. She wouldn't open door and would listen if told not to do something (mostly).

Food shopping is a nightmare and I do big shop online. She hasn't sat in a trolley since about age 1 and she'll nag me for comics, chocolate etc etc and often have a strop. She always wants to carry a basket which is annoying and slow! Tbh I usually only go to the supermarket if I've only got the baby with me now.