To ask what you'd expect from your 3 year old when out and about?

[ChangedUsername123]

Since I got so much support and help on my other thread, I'd thought I'd ask for some more input!
I'm about to start the gruelling process of filling in DS1's DLA forms. He was awarded middle rate care 8 months ago, but now they want to see if he'll be eligible for the higher rate care and the mobility element. His GP has also suggested we apply for the higher rates too.

This form is huge (and quite depressing) and the best advice I've gotten from doctors/HC Professionals is to compare how DS is different from other children his age. Trouble is, I don't really know what a neurotic typical child behaves like!
So what would you expect from your 3 year old when you're out.
Would they be in the pram?
Would they need reins?
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry?
Do they need nappies?
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you)
Do they travel on public transport very well?
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion?
Could you take them food shopping?
Comparisons like that are what I need to make on the form. It's pretty horrible, as it completely focuses on the negative, but if it means getting the help DS needs then it's worth it!
Thank you

DD is 3.1:

Would they be in the pram? No
Would they need reins? No, but lots of yelling to mind stuff
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? Toilet, but yes, with reminders, hungry hell yes!
Do they need nappies? No
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) About every 20 seconds. To look at leaves, stones, complain she's tired etc etc

Do they travel on public transport very well? Yes, loves buses and trains
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? Yes, but multiple times for her to listen/obey
Could you take them food shopping? Yes, in trolley. Not on foot, she pulls stuff off shelves 'helping'.

Good luck!

Dd1 turned 3 last month

Would they be in the pram? - yes, for any decent length of outing. I would take the scooter for local journeys, and we could go without the buggy but I'd need to carry her for some of it. Laziness/impatience more than anything...

Would they need reins? No. But I'd gold hands crossing the road and have to be very vigilant near busy roads.

Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? Definitely yes for hunger. Nappy is more tricky, she'd know if she has done a wee, but won't ask. She always asks for a clean nappy after a poo. She was potty trained before 3 but has regressed.

Do they need nappies? See above.

How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) they don't need to stop, but would stop multiple times out of interest etc.

Do they travel on public transport very well? Yes. No problems.

Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? Yes, but wouldn't need to.

Could you take them food shopping? Yes, and i do regularly.

Dc1 isn't quite 2 1/2 yet:

Would they be in the pram? No, not usually (only if a very long or hilly walk)
Would they need reins? No
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? Nappy - yes for dirty, usually no for wet. Hungry - mostly (Although the grumpiness warns me first!)
Do they need nappies? Yes
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) none. (Unless you're counting her wanting to look at random objects on the ground)
Do they travel on public transport very well? Yes
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? Yes, I think so (haven't been in the situation but would be confident of it)
Could you take them food shopping. Yes

DD is 3y2m.

Would they be in the pram?
No, not for a long time unfortunately. She walks everywhere but not very quickly.

Would they need reins?
Not since around 18m but she isn't a bolter so we're lucky. She knows when to hold hands though (car parks, canalside etc)

Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry?
No nappies but she will tell us when she needs the toilet. She will also tell us when she wants a drink or a snack.

Do they need nappies?
Only at night.

How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you)
We wouldn't need to stop during a short walk but she is easily distracted by nature so can stop 1000 times to look at flowers etc. Sweet but frustrating.

Do they travel on public transport very well?
Yes. We usually take the car so public transport is a big treat

Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion?
She wouldn't do that. She'd sit and brush her toy pony's hair. But she'd understand and follow the instruction, yes.

Could you take them food shopping?
Hit and miss. I get a Tesco delivery each week so we only pop to the supermarket for top ups and she is absolutely fine. She enjoys it and helps out. She would/does struggle with a big shop though so we avoid it.

DS :

No diapers
Can tell if they are hungry
Certainly no pram or reins
Never take public transport
Will walk alongside with close supervision. Five minutes would take 20
Yes to food shopping, once again close supervision.

I hate this form! My dd is four and non verbal. Diagnosed with asd. She was originally awarded middle rate and I recently redid the forms when she got her diagnosis and to say her behaviour was getting worse. We were still only awarded middle rate care.

My dd can't walk far as she will run into the room, can't tell you if she's hungry or what she wants and doesn't sleep.

Good luck with the form.

Maquette does your daughter need night care?
Although DS sleeps through the night, his asthma attacks happen so quickly and are so severe that he still has a motion sensor alarm, and the two of us need to be in the house at all times. During an attack we're in and out of his room hourly to administer his inhaler (can't get a decent puff in, hence the frequency!)
The care rate usually increases if they need night time care

*Msqueen !!!!

The thing that's genuinely shocked me most, is how nearly all your children are nappy trained! It didn't even cross my mind that that would be a bit unusual for a 3 year old to not even know when he's wet or pooped

Based on when my eldest was 3:

No buggy.
No reins.
No nappies (potty trained at about 2 and dry at night from about the same time). He could tell me when he needed to go but often forgot until the last minute so I would check with him from time to time just in case.
He would tell me if hungry or thirsty.
Would walk for 15 mins or so, but often dawdled/got distracted and needed a bit of "herding". Happier on a scooter.
No problem on buses and trains.
Could be told not to open taxi door when moving etc.
Yes, could take him food shopping but would often request I buy him stuff and have a bit of meltdown if refused.

My three yr old would be fine with all that and has been since about 2.5.
Just turned two yr old is a different personality 😉 does not follow instructions, will not walk nicely (max walk 10min) and often tries to race into the road, tries to climb into the fridge / eat the dogs food when hungry even if she already has food.
Isn't potty trained and has no interest, doesn't tell you she is dirty etc.
We dont use public transport but neither hs tried to open the car doors.

How is your child with eating? Can they help you do jobs ä? E.g. Both mine clear their plates away after sinnet, can get their own coats, shoes and gloves on (3 yr old can dress himself), they play reading, cooking, lego and can play alone or with each other for 20-30 without supervision (although this is a recent thing).

Good luck with the form

So what would you expect from your 3 year old when you're out.

DS2 is 3.5 yrs.

Would they be in the pram?

No. He stopped using a pushchair before he was 3.

Would they need reins?

I still sometimes use reins if I'm out with all 3 DC and will be near roads, but he is very good at holding hands, staying close and stopping when called, so they're not essential.

Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry?

Yes. He also tells me if he needs a wee / poo in time for us to get to a toilet.

Do they need nappies?

He still has pull ups at night. We started toilet training around his 3rd birthday, and he got the hang of it quickly. Toileting accidents are now rare.

How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you)

We usually only need to stop if we're crossing roads or DS2 trips over.

Do they travel on public transport very well?

We don't normally use public transport.

Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion?

Probably.

Could you take them food shopping?

Yes and frequently do. DS2 loves food shopping and is usually reasonably well behaved in food shops, even when requests for stuff he wants are refused.

Isthistoonosy he doesn't do any of that. Will maybe eat dinner by himself if it's something he can eat with his hands (like tonight he had pieces of quiche and some carrots, he can eat that) anything requiring a spoon/fork, we have to feed him.
Can't follow any instructions at all, absolutely nothing, also can't answer anything like 'are you okay?' Etc

Compared to mine he sounds around 12 months to 18 months - if that 'helps with the form.

Yes, he's been evaluated at about 14 months, but with the physical ability (strength, speed, climbing ability) of a 4 year old. Very difficult at times!

DS2 (3.5 yrs) can feed himself easily with a spoon or fork. He started using a spoon by himself before he was 1yr old. Not very well at first, but he was pretty good with both a spoon and fork by the time he was 2. He finds cutting food with a knife and fork harder but will have a go.

His understanding of language is good, and he is capable of following instructions provided he understands what we want.
He's able to tell us if he doesn't understand the instructions. Although of course we do get times when he's busy playing or in an uncooperative mood and then we'll get responses like "not now, I'm busy" or "no, I don't want to do that".

She does as she wakes from 12pm and stays up most of the night trying to climb and jump off things and poo smears. So needs adult supervision.

Just a note, I used to work for MIND I have a lot of experience when it comes to filling out benefit forms.

When filling out these type of forms you are suppose to base it on a worst day.

Dd is 3 in a week. She isn't potty trained and doesn't usually volunteer when she's done a poo or wee, but if I ask she'll say yes, and say to change it. Most of the kids her age Seem to be potty trained.

She'll walk for 5 mins if really motivated, tells me all the time she's hungry, doesn't use a buggy, very articulate and plays imaginative games, doesn't bolt, try handles, and can feed herself well with a fork or spoon.

My just gone four year old could at 3:

Walk without a push chair or reigns. It would take roughly twice as long to get anywhere though but mainly because she felt the need to comment on everything!

Did not use a nappy in the day and could tell me when she needed to use the toilet. (Not with any time to spare mind.)

Would tell me if she was hungry or thirsty.

Would usually follow instructions.

Was generally behave in the supermarket but was better when asked to "help".

DS2 3.10

Walking: mainly independent. Occasionally uses buggy when tired. Reins occasionally in busy areas. Will usually trot with me or keep to a safe distance. With patience can walk a couple of miles. His stamina has improved in recent months.

Toilet training. Initiated toilet training at 2.5. Took to it easily. Wears pull ups at night. (DS1 started at 3, got it quickly, night trained before 4)

Transport: safe in cars/ taxis/ buses. Will stay in seats. Follows and understands instructions.

Communicates needs effectively. Articulate, clear sentences. DS1 had a speech delay, but would still communicate his needs.

Hope that helps x

Maybe another big one is they understands danger (we have a log fire,lit candles on the table, dogs etc) and they can act appropriatly even though we ensure actual danger, and that other people have feeling and can be hurt (2yr old only understands physical hurt).
The 3 yr old know the diff between men / women / boys / girls and the what's in your pants is private. He tells me if someone goes to the bathroom with him i.e. Another child.

Really hope you manage to get the help you need, it sounds really tough.

At three

Used the pram for long walks. But he would walk all the way there usually then sit in the pram on the way home. We were done with a pram by 3.5 though and he used a scooter

Reins- no I stopped at 2.5 when I trusted him not to run into roads

Nappies- no fully toilet trained at 2.5

He would tell me when he as hungry or thirsty effectively.

On public transport he could manage 20/30 minutes on his own seat before becoming restless.

Children do vary a lot in their behaviour and milestones, but it does sound like your struggles are perhaps not typical behaviour.

We ensure no actual danger

I'll answer for all 3. Dd1 and 2 have no issues, ds is disabled.

Would they be in the pram? Dd1 and 2 sometimes. Ds only just walking so yes

Would they need reins? Dd1 no dd2 yes. Ds wouldn't tolerate them

Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? Dd1 and 2 yes. Ds no

Do they need nappies? confused dd1 yes. Dd2 no. Ds yes (still in nappies now at 6)

How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) dd1 not at all. Dd2 maybe once to howl. Ds wouldn't manage 5 minutes

Do they travel on public transport very well? dd1 yes. Dd2 no. Ds badly!
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? Dd1 and 2 yes. Ds no - once got door open on motorway!*

Could you take them food shopping dd1 yes. Dd2 with a lot of screaming. Ds best avoided!*

Ds has had hr care since he was 1. At 3 he was barely walking, non verbal, had very little sleep, was in with us when he did sleep.