To ask what you'd expect from your 3 year old when out and about?

[ChangedUsername123]

Since I got so much support and help on my other thread, I'd thought I'd ask for some more input!
I'm about to start the gruelling process of filling in DS1's DLA forms. He was awarded middle rate care 8 months ago, but now they want to see if he'll be eligible for the higher rate care and the mobility element. His GP has also suggested we apply for the higher rates too.

This form is huge (and quite depressing) and the best advice I've gotten from doctors/HC Professionals is to compare how DS is different from other children his age. Trouble is, I don't really know what a neurotic typical child behaves like!
So what would you expect from your 3 year old when you're out.
Would they be in the pram?
Would they need reins?
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry?
Do they need nappies?
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you)
Do they travel on public transport very well?
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion?
Could you take them food shopping?
Comparisons like that are what I need to make on the form. It's pretty horrible, as it completely focuses on the negative, but if it means getting the help DS needs then it's worth it!
Thank you

Would they be in the pram? no, hasn't been in the pram since before she was 2
Would they need reins? no, never owned any
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? No nappies, tells me if she needs the toilet. Tells me if she's hungry/thirsty
Do they need nappies? no
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? a couple of times to look at things she finds interesting
Do they travel on public transport very well? yes, will sit and look out the window/chat
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? she would never do this, wouldn't need to tell her
Could you take them food shopping? yes, I take her and my 19 month old shopping every week

She's 3 and 3 months

Would they be in the pram? No, not got 6 months. But DS would have been and he's NT.
Would they need reins? Not not really but sometimes would be preferable.
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? No nappies at past 3 for either child. Hungry DD tells me, could tell with DS but he wasn't as verbal.
Do they need nappies? Not now, no. DS was 3 when he stopped wearing them but I know of others who were older.
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) quiet often. Maybe 4 or 5 times.
Do they travel on public transport very well? Yes.
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? Yes but wouldn't trust them not to.
Could you take them food shopping? Yes but it's awful so I don't do it often.

Would they be in the pram? > No had stopped using pushchair by 3. Would take it if very long walk.
Would they need reins? > No, DS had very good road sense by 3 and I could trust him to run ahead. BUT this was not the norm, among his nursery peers. I didn't have a car and was a single parent, so we did a lot of walking.
Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? > Yes, though he didn't tell me about nappy changes, he didn't like them.
Do they need nappies? > Somewhat. He was just out of nappies by 3.3, he still needed one to poo but he'd put it on, do his business and then take it off.
How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) > I don't remember sorry
Do they travel on public transport very well? > From memory yes, but again, we did this very often.
Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? > I would definitely have used child locks and not taken the chance.
Could you take them food shopping? > Yes and did regularly but only small shops, I did the big shop online.

@Mol1628 yeah, I know they're not typical behaviours...he's diagnosed with autism. The 'children all vary lark' is a load of rubbish anyway most of the time, they vary, but by years. Months maybe, but not years. It's a Health Visitor and (sometimes) GP favourite (not ours, thankfully) but not a qualified Paediatrician.
This thread was so I can tell the DWP how my DS differs from your average 3 year old

*NOT by years

I would add, that I work with little children and quite a lot of just 3 year olds still use buggies, struggle with behaviour, sleep badly and are in nappies. It is really hard because, there is a difference in how much extra support your child needs over other 3 year olds - but that gap needs to be emphasised because it is easy for an assessor to see these things as within the range of what is 'normal' for a 3 year old. Does he go to nursery? Does he have 1-1 there?

Hi OP, I really want to help you but have not got much time, apologies for the copy and paste, my DD is 2 years 10 months and I'm answering as for her.

So what would you expect from your 3 year old when you're out.

DC 2.10

Would they be in the pram? No - we have the buggy just in case we are going on a walk of say 45 mins plus and she may resort to the buggy.

Would they need reins? No

Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? Will say if she need the toilet [she trained at 2 years 5 months] Will ask for food regularlythrough the day despite obviously providing her with three full meals plus snacks of fruit!

Do they need nappies? No, but does still need a pull-up at night.

How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) She would not need to stop.

Do they travel on public transport very well? Yes, this is not something I would have to think about prior to leaving the house.

Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? Yes - she wouldn't do it, so I wouldn't have to tell her, it's a given.

Could you take them food shopping? Yes, I took her earlier today, I asked her if she wanted to get herself anything and she said various fruit and then she said sausage rolls (random), so we got those and she was happy.

For your DS, always put how it affects him WHEN HE IS AT HIS WORST, not just on a normal / good day. I don't mean to be bossy or patronising, just genuinely want the best for your DS. Good luck.

Can echo what a pp said about filling it in for the worst day, that's the advise my cousin got when she needed to fill one in.

For comparison sakes, DS is 3 and 4 months and on his worst day -

Would they be in the pram? No

Would they need reins? Yes, but would probably demand to be carried every 10 seconds.

Can they tell you if they need a nappy change or if they're hungry? He's potty trained but sometimes forgets if too engrossed or excited. If he falls and hurts himself he usually wets himself. He'll demand food NOW...

Do they need nappies? No though he's still in them at night just in case as we've just got a new mattress and he comes into our bed.

How often do you need to stop on a 5 minute walk if they're not a pram? (And walking alongside you) Every 10 yards if he doesn't want to walk. Can usually be bribed or jollied but not always and I end up carrying him over my shoulder kicking and shouting.

Do they travel on public transport very well? Reasonably well but will be whingy.

Could you tell them not to open the door on a taxi when it's in motion? Yes, but I'd have to be ready to grab him to stop him if he was being naughty.

Could you take them food shopping? Yes, but I'd wish I hadn't. I'd probably have to haul him around the shop while he cried and get the bare minimum I needed.

My 3 and a half yr old wouldn't be in the buggy usually, but he'd be on the buggy board off and on. Very occasionally I'd put him in the sling or buggy for a nap. He walks quite well but gets distracted very easily and can get moany if he has to walk, if you see what I mean. He'd probably walk for 10 mins without moaning.

He's very articulate and can ask me for what he needs (i.e. the loo) but I still ask him if he needs the loo every hour or so as he sometimes holds it in.

He'll talk to new people but not always immediately, sometimes a bit shy but very gregarious with people he knows/family.

He'd eat a proper sit-down meal with smaller cutlery but would need some help with cutting food up and might need encouragement towards the end to stay focused.

At aoftplay I'd let him go off on his own but wouldn't be surprised if he came back after a bit either to complain about another child or to ask me to play with him - he needs a bit of reassurance/to know I'm there.

He would generally know to stop at the end of the pavement but might get a bit carried away if distracted.

He'd go food shopping with me but might lose interest after 20ish mins and start moaning/ask to see the toy aisle.

He wouldn't be able to sit still doing something like drinking a babyccino in a cafe - he'd faff around on a banquette/get up and hide under the table/lie down and want to play doctors or similar. That's if we're with my one-yr old and I can't focus entirely on him - if it were just me and the 3.5yr old he'd probably sit a lot stiller!

He'd be fine on public transport as long as he could look out of the window and ideally move around at least a bit.

I work with 3-4 year olds in a nursery.

Out of 26 we have 1 child in nappies still, and one who has just learned to use the toilet but needs a prompt now and again.

The majority can articulate when they are hungry ect, but both children mentioned above, cannot.

Again the majority of them are good at following instruction and routine, but if we did take them to somewhere like a supermarket I'd imagine a good handful would be over excited.

Non of the children normally arrive in a pushchair, although in very heavy rain I have seen it. I would expect one little one would need a pushchair when out and about as his needs are great and it just wouldn't be fair or safe to make him walk. He had 1-1 care though.

I'd second filling in the form for a worst day scenario. The form won't change what you and your little one are dealing with, but it may get you the help you both need to give your DC the best chance at reaching their full potential.

DD is 3.5. No buggy, no reins. Holds hand. Is potty trained and tells me when she needs the loo. Happy on public transport with a bit of entertaining on a long journey but public transport isnt often for us so has the novelty factor. Comes food shopping every week with me.

Danger and empathy have massivley changed how much supervision they need.

My daughter will be 3 in June. She either holds my hand and walks or goes in the sling; she does like being carried and doesn't walk as much as her brother did at this age.

She is out of nappies and dry at night too. She tells me when she needs the loo and can usually hold on for as much as half an hour until we can get to a loo.

She dresses herself (needs helps with socks and tights). Likes to do everything for herself actually!

Eating out is a pain still as she doesn't do sitting still and if I sit down she likes to use me as a climbing frame. Can be bribed with stickers or chocolate cake. Will also calm down for milk (still breastfeeding). She can usually wait for a snack though if I explain clearly what and where and when it will happen.

Would go off happily with her big brother at soft play but unlikely to go alone. She's a clingy child and far less independent than my eldest (who would wander off without a second glance from as soon as he could walk).

Easy to take shopping. She loves riding in the trolley and enjoys the experience of being out and about. If she's causing any trouble she goes on my back out of the way - the bonus of slinging meaning that she calms down.

OP, we have a severely autistic 7yo son who functions at around age 2 years old. He was diagnosed with ASD at about 3.6y, and we reapplied for DLA at that point. He was awarded HRC due to night-time care issues, and HRM due to having to be in a buggy for his own safety when out.

If you haven't already found it, I can strongly recommend Cerebra's guide to claiming DLA as it covers "severe mental impairment": w3.cerebra.org.uk/help-and-information/guides-for-parents/dla-guide/

I would also recommend keeping a night diary for 2-4 weeks, listing sleep & wake times, what kind of assistance you had to give (eg settling), and for how long. I'm sure that's what helped with the HRC award in our case.

Good luck with the form filling!

Ds is 3.3.
Would he use buggy?
Generally no. We mainly use it now when we get the train as it is a very long walk to the station.
Reins? No, he has never got on with those and usually holds hands pretty well if necessary.
Does he need nappies? Literally just toilet trained in the last couple of weeks.Still wears pull ups occasionally if out and about?
Can he tell if he needs the toilet? Yes but sometimes too late hence pull ups.
If he's hungry? Yes will mostly ask for food but will get extremely grumpy if not fed on time.
How often would he need to stop on a five minute walk? Need to, no. Want to stop to look at dogs, birds, cars etc, often.
Do they travel on public transport well? Yes, he adores trains and buses and is usually pretty good.
Re taxi door, honestly he has never thought to do this so I don't know what his response would be.
Can you take him food shopping? Yes but it can be a struggle as he wants to put random stuff in trolley, run in front of other peoples, climb the shelves etc.

Pram - no
Reins - no
Can tell you if nappy/hungry - yes
Nappies - no
Stop on 5 minute walk - no stopping
Travel public transport - no problems
Taxi - wouldn't open the door no problems
Food shopping - yes

Good luck with your form and everything

EggsMom that's such amazing advice, thank you so much
I've never heard of anyone getting mobility under age 5, but I'm feeling desperate and like DS needs it. We're so isolated at the moment

Mine would have been in the buggy or on reins.

He'd have needed nappies and wouldn't have noticed he needed a nappy change until it was leaking, or unless he had nappy rash. He'd have been able to tell me if he was hungry.

We wouldn't have to stop on a 5 minute walk.

He'd have been strapped into his buggy on public transport.

I'd have had to hold on to his reins to prevent him opening a taxi door.

If I took him food shopping I'd sit him in the trolley to stop him running off, and still do at 5, but I don't tend to take him. We go for breakfast in the café on Saturdays, they choose a comic and a small toy, I drop them home, then I do the food shop.