Which of these scenarios is the fairest?

[User24689]

Would love some opinions on this dilemma which has caused argument between myself and DH this evening.

Scenario is we live overseas, both sets of parents live in UK. One set live together in midlands, other set are divorced and live at opposite ends of country. We have one DC who is 1 and is very much loved by all grandparents but due to loving away has not spent much time with them at all.

Planning trip to UK later this year and discussion has arisen about which is fairer:

1. Time is split between 2 families. So one set of grandparents gets 2 weeks and the other gets 2 weeks. This means the second set actually only get 1 week out of the 4 we are home because they are not together.

1. Split the time evenly by 3. This means the 'together' parents only get 1/3 of the time through no fault of their own.

Before we had DC we would spend some time with our parents separately but now all they want is to spend time with DC so that doesn't work.

Which option is U?

Definitely 50/50! I would be well pissed off if I had to spend two thirds of a trip with my in laws and only one third with my own family because my PIL were divorced - not fair. Same with the alt Xmas. It's not fair that someone should spend two out of every 3 xmases with ttheir in laws either. Saying that, personality comes into it. We don't spend any xmases with my PIL because they're not bothered. If the OP's PIL are demanding and her DH does nt mind not spending more time there, they should do whatever suits.

Are they really all equally invested / equally 'child ready' houses / toys to entertain etc etc?

If it was us it would be 1/2 time with the in laws because they have a house equipped for grandchildren (old toys out of loft and cleaned, cot and single bed in a cheerily decorated kid room, stair gates, etc) whereas we wouldn't entertain staying more than a few days with my side because as much as they claim to love their grandkids, staying with them is hard work (they frown on snacks, don't like mess, etc).

A week or two weeks is a long time. Who is the easiest to stay with?

Only 50/50 per family is fair. I would not be going on holiday and spending two thirds with in laws and a third with my family. The only way of agree to that would be if it were reversed next time.

Our situation is different as our parents live on opposite sides of the world and we sort of live in the middle. I spend around 2 weeks a year with the IL's but am going 'home' for 8-10 weeks so my parents get to spend much more time with my DC. IL's aren't that bothered and have 2 other GC living round the corner. My parents are very much involved in my DC's life. However it honestly boils down to what works for us as a family.

Half to each side of the family, but then flexibility on how that is divided. So, as well as the GPs would also include siblings/cousins etc as wished. It would be unfair of either of the child's parents to get less time with their own family than the other parent.

Sorry, hot post too soon:
Would also allow equal time for the child with the extended family on each side, whoever they might be, not limited to grandparents.

Sorry, I think 50/50 is fair regarding GPs. Otherwise DH is going to have to spend 2/3 of his holiday with PILS.

However, I also agree with PP who point out that it seems really odd that you have to spend 100% of your time with respective parents. Don't you want time to yourselves?With friends?

We have an almost identical scenario - we live abroad and travel back to the UK to visit my father & siblings, and DH's parents who are divorced and live at opposite ends of the country.

We split it 50:50. So I spend half the time with my family and DH spends half the time with his. Because his parents are a day's journey apart, the travel time comes into it as well.

We're coming back for three weeks for a family wedding (my side) and spending 2 weeks with my family and splitting the third week between his parents. Though he's still not sure whether he wants to see his mother or not yet so he's not told her we're coming over yet.

The best trip we did, we rented a holiday cottage with lots of spare rooms and told everyone where we would be and when - it was then up to them to come and visit. We had a great holiday, we saw all our family and friends and we didn't feel like we spent half the time on a packed motorway.