Toddler minds

[user1483996184]

AIBU to wonder what the fuck goes through their minds?? My 2.8 year old has just emptied my St Tropez all over the bathroom .. Got a feeling I've not managed to get it all off and my bathroom is going to have a lovely orange twinge to it in the morning

www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/43206221-toddlers-are-a-holes-it-s-not-your-fault

I imagine it was the same thought going thru my 3 year olds mind when he demanded garlic bread and pizza only to refuse to touch it when I put it in front of him

Heaven only knows! One of mine smeared a tub of Clinique moisturiser over the basin yesterday, and the other one squirted a whole bottle of liquid soap on the floor 😩

Sudocream all over the telly

I love him to death but sometimes I just think don't be a dick ! His favourite seems to be holding one end of the toilet roll and throwing it down the stairs " look what I've done mummy"

Mine had a tantrum yesterday because her shadow did not obey her when she told it to "stop following me!"

Haha they are funny . My son wanted to be a lady with big hair this morning but this afternoon when we picked him up from nursery wouldn't hold my hand because I'm a girl

Waitrose Bottom Butter here. Nothing but the best for our carpet/banisters/bathroom.

Mine crapped on my bedroom floor and found it hilarious

Dd woke up sobbing because she wasn't a tractor a couple of weeks ago.

Oh I've not had any floor craps yet . But did have a nightmare scream because daddy didn't wait for the green man , then ten mins later "daddy you did it again" no fun at 3oclock in the morning . Thank god for wine

my toddler had a massive tantrum because when I emptied the washing machine, I wouldn't let him wear his soaking wet jumper. He grabbed it and lay on the floor hugging it

Toddlers are a special breed!

DS wanted to wear my watch this morning. Then had a tantrum when went to put it on him.

My almost 3yo DD had a 20 min long tantrum this week because her "Dory pants" were in the wash.

She also woke up crying at 3am one night because "the tractor wasn't green"

I don't wonder what goes through my three year olds mind.....He tells me constantly. Constantly. It's like a stream of consciousness coming out of a little mouth all day long! "Mummy that gween thing, not that mummy no the tractor. My finger hurting, not like that inside, on the outside, Mr Tumble did it, want biscuit, it got cow on it, I not want cow on it, mummy change it, don't take my biscuit! BALL! THROW IT! I pick it, not that one. Pear, not dat one, apple not pear. Not red one
Not green one. Carpet. Daddy being a dragon............." All. Day. Long.

He has been late to talk and I swore I would never get tired if hearing his little voice when/if he ever talked. I was wrong. Today I shoved chocolate in his mouth just to try and shut him up!
"Chocolate, yum yum, chocolate cowboy on it, not foggy chocolate mummy cowboy chocolate. Want more chocolate mummy....want play with potato head, not toy real one........." all said whilst spitting chocolaty spit!

He is very cute though!

Mine once decided it would be fun to unroll an entire loo roll into the toilet, then block the sink with the cardboard inner. Then turn the taps on.
My only mistake was to decide to finish my cup of tea downstairs. Then I wondered what that dripping sound was.....
He also has got hold of my folding kitchen stool, put it up, grabbed the bottle of fabric softener that I thought I had put out of reach and empty the lot on the counter. My kitchen smelt of orchids for days and now I am quite obsessive over putting everything back in the cupboard he can't get in.
He's pulled the same trick at our local toddler group. One biscuit each? Not for my boy. It's easy, just make yourself a stack of those pretend bricks, climb up and raid the biscuit tin on the counter. It was so clever and brazen I wanted to congratulate him, rather than tell him off!

I want blana! Oh no, blana broked. Fix blana? No eat blana, blana broke. Want sweets.

Still, they aint any more sensible at 6. My eldest took cakes in for a school bake sale today. What's the first one he chooses when it's his turn?
One of our own bloody cakes! I should have just kept one back and saved us the 50p!

Today, I heard my nearly 2 year old remove her nappy at bedtime over the monitor. Put down the washing up, ready to replace the nappy.
'Oh no, yuck!' comes the cry. 'oh no, wet bed! Oh no, brown wet bed! Wet brown bed!'
I'm sure you can imagine the horror in my mind as I ran up the stairs...
To find her standing at the bars of her cot, completely clean, dry bed and nappy, laughing at me.

It's strange how the majority of toddlers already have such refined/expensive tastes.

You put a £2 pot of Cream and your favorite moisturizer which happens to be £50! in front of them, I can almost guarantee it will be the moisturizer they decide to smear over the settee, walls, carpet any thing within reach really

My toddler poured a whole bottle of Molton Brown down the toilet and flushed it he then pooped in the bath twice

I miss the toddlers! Although my six year olds are still prone to shoving a new toilet roll down the toilet.

It's half term this week and I foolishly took DS out of nursery all week so he and I could spend some time together. Had lovely romanticised notions of playing in the park, going to the farm, reading together etc etc. No no. This has not happened.

Yesterday he went into my wardrobe, got out a few pairs of shoes and decided to throw them all down the stairs. This was while I was on the toilet as well; he was like a little stealth ninja. He has also hidden my makeup bag but 'can't remember mummy'. Also his favourite food last week was blueberries but this week he cried when I put them in front of him and refused to eat anything.

screams into pillow

I know they don't do theee things vindictively, just experimenting with stuff but imagine if you really hated someone and you spread sudocrem on their telly 😂

Some break up tips by toddlers.

I would never have the guts

to us all . So happy he is going to grandmas for a sleepover tomorrow

My 18 month old is toilet obsessed so I am glad I am not alone. His every waking moment involves trying to put something down the loo.

Betty same for us! Funnily enough DS never seems to smear facecream around the house when at granny and granda's ...

I'm so glad I'm not the parent of toddlers anymore! Youngest DS is five and still has moments though.

He took a dislike to my Benefit Rockateur blusher when I got it for Christmas one year - broke into my room and ruined it. I replaced it the following week and he did it again! And again! More fool me for not bolting the door but you know when you convince yourself that they've grown out of that stage.....

Mind you, my twins went through a similar stage with the lights I bought for my Kindle - six I think they pulled apart in a matter of weeks. I was most upset when the very expensive cover with built in light was ruined . I'm afraid I had a very unbecoming tantrum