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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Parking, assaulted. AIBU to report to police?

410 replies

newnamenew · 23/02/2017 17:33

Car parked in disabled spot. Only disabled bay on site. I politely pull up alongside and down my window. Person does same. I ask if they are disabled, they reply no, I ask if she would please move as I use a wheelchair and really need the spit.

I'm to,d I'm arrogant and she was refusing to move due to my attitude. So I park alongside. She'd parked, if you imagine an inverse T shape, she would be the I part. She had a car parker behind her but room behind. So I parked I. The T of the inverse T. I got my wheelchair out and displayed my disabled badge. Person 2 comes and asks me what the fuck I'm doing and to move my fucking car. Goes into my car and takes my disabled badge saying I wasn't disabled anymore and goes to their car. I start wheeling to the shop, comes up behind me, drags me back towards my car by the back of the seat. It tilts, back at my car, chair still tilted hits me in the back, tries to get in my car again, puts finger in my face saying I give disabled people a bad name.

I go into shop, came out to find badge on back of car wiper thingy and they'd gone. Should I go to the police? Was I bring unreasonable not to move my car to give them move room to exit the disabled spot (mind they exited the spot anyway)?

OP posts:
Coldilox · 25/02/2017 17:56

Am a police officer, in the first instance you should call 101 and ask to complain about the way this matter was handled, a local Inspector will look at it and contact you. This hopefully may be enough to get them to take it further, if not then you can escalate it to a formal complaint.

Florene · 25/02/2017 18:07

I am also a police officer. The one you spoke to is a lazy twat and gives us a bad name.

Ring 101 and ask to make a complaint against police.

Make sure you are given a log no. for complaint call and also a crime number for assault.

sotiredbutworthit · 25/02/2017 23:00

I really hope these people get their karmic revenge.

Lynnm63 · 25/02/2017 23:06

Well done Yoksha I wouldn't have thought of emailing Baroness Grey-Thompson.
I agree we should write a book I became disabled a few years ago and I was shocked by the attitude of a lot of people. I too find somedays it's just easier to stay home than face some people. I blame the govt for the increase in this as they have painted disabled people as work shy scroungers pretending to be ill. I'd love some of these people to live my life for a day.

Bourdic · 26/02/2017 00:26

OP - about a month ago I was (only) verbally threatened whilst in a shower at my health club as in ' I'm going to fucking come in there and get your fucking stick and give you another fucking disability '. I called the police and as there was no witness, it went no further but when the PC rang to tell me that I did insist that it be escalated to Inspector level for a review. At least it made someone more senior realise that these sorts of things happen. I also insisted it be recorded as a disability hate crime which the PC said it couldn't be but the Inspector agreed it could so at least it's in the statistics. What happened to you bares no comparison but just wanted to say it is worth asking for it to be reviewed at a more senior level and you might get somewhere as it is so much more serious. I had a tough time on MN with my thread but apart from some victim blaming disabilist fuckwits, I did get lots of support as well. I hope you feel better soon - it knocked my confidence for a bit I have to say.

Original poster
newnamenew · 26/02/2017 01:42

I've had a few drinks so will respond tomorrow. Thank you all so very much, you're all incredible FlowersStarWine

OP posts:
WateryTart · 26/02/2017 05:54

Even if nothing comes of it in the end because of he said/she said you are right to pursue this. At least it should result in the man being spoken to which will make him think twice next time.

Perfectlypurple · 26/02/2017 07:03

If you don't agree with what the police are doing you have a right to review.

Ring 101 and ask for a victims right to review. They will fill in a form and it will go higher.

It may be the police officer just can't be bothered, but it may also be experience. The officer may know that when things like that go to the CPS they don't get charged so is doing what he thinks best.

If you do the victims right to review, they may well change the decision.

Also I hope you got a crime number. If it wasn't crimed then I would make a complaint by ringing 101 and saying you want to make a complaint against a police officer. A higher ranking officer will then deal with that.

DartmoorDoughnut · 26/02/2017 07:10

Really glad you're escalating it, hope you got some sleep Flowers

Berthatydfil · 26/02/2017 07:15

Maybe I watch too many csi programmes but if he touched your chair, your car particularly in side and your badge he would have left evidence.
However it would have needed to be identified st the time. I'm appalled that this wasn't suggested to you.
I hope you get a positive outcome

picklemepopcorn · 26/02/2017 07:27

I'm so disappointed to see how badly this was handled OP. So sorry.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/02/2017 10:16

"I'm going to fucking come in there and get your fucking stick and give you another fucking disability"

I'm so sorry that happened to you, Bourdic - not for the first time I honestly wonder what's going on in the minds of someone capable of such a thing

It's also interesting to see how quickly the police can switch between concern for some types of hate crime and utter disinterest in others ...Hmm

Yoksha · 26/02/2017 10:35

Oh Bourdic....... This is shocking. In fact, all the reported incidents on this thread are. It's left me shaking with rage.

Baroness Grey-Thompson responded to thank me for the link last night. She found it shocking as she read through it.

Hope you are in a more positive place today OP.

Original poster
newnamenew · 26/02/2017 11:15

Reading latest posts, Yoksha, I have emailed the Baronness. Cannot thank you enough for your help. I am angry this morning, really fucking angry. Would this jerk have assaulted an able-bodied person? Would the police have treated such an incident differently?

Reading new threads.

OP posts:
Yoksha · 26/02/2017 11:32

new... I can't obviously understand how you really feel, but I'm still upset by all this reporting of personal experiences. I think you've done the right thing tho'

I've recently experienced a violent attitude in a large shop from a man. My Dh was queueing and I purposely didn't tell him until we got to the car. He was enraged. He said he'd have gone over and addressed him. That's exactly what I didn't want.

It knocked my confidence for a bit. I'm not confrontational by nature. So now I keep my mobile to hand and know really quickly how to get to video. I've recently nearly been knocked down on a crossing & shouted at the brute. He came around again to confront me. I was ready with my phone to record and was going to gladly inform him the police would be interested in our convo. He drove off.

Original poster
newnamenew · 26/02/2017 11:37

The police officer said he'd speak to the other person this week. He really minimised it, expressing how it's difficult to park at the shop etc. My daughter who rang 999 as she watched me being assaulted was told it wasn't an emergency and to ring 101 before they hung up on her!

It feels like, oh a disabled person was assaulted but who cares. It felt the PO didn't think it would go anywhere if it was progressed. I mean, who the fuck cares right? I'm seething with anger today. It's fucking tough enough being bedbound and using a wheelchair. I had planned this trip for a fucking fortnight. When I finally feel well enough I'm assaulted. Right now I cannot even imagine going out again.

You know, fuck it, I was visiting a car showroom to consider changing my Motability car to something more suitable. And I get assaulted doing it. Even thinking of returning to the site scares me.

Thanks for all the support. Shall be ringing 101 shortly. I've not been given a crime number either.

OP posts:
Yoksha · 26/02/2017 11:46

new... channel this anger to not letting the buggers grind you down. I don't mean go about like Mr Angry. Do what I do. Acknowledge what's happened, then put your defiant chin to the wind and push on. What did Churchill say? "When you're going through hell, don't stop ". This will pass. The intensity will diminish.

Onwards & upwards new. You're better than this.

streetch · 26/02/2017 11:57

Wow I'm fucking horrified reading this Shock

Op I'm glad you've found your anger again, use it this was all SO wrong! You deserve so much better and I'm glad you're fighting for that to be recognised.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 11:57

I'm so sorry you went through this OP and the police aren't being terribly helpful.
Please pursue this as far as you can.

It's not the same by all means but we had an incident involving DS (SNs). Despite the fact a 13year old was witnessed by a park full of people threatening to beat up a 7yo child simply for going near her, repeatedly. She had her brother touch my DS (because he's underage so can't legally be touched by the police). Then threaten to beat him up again when I told her brother to not touch my DS.

When the police eventually came, they asked me to describe them, "ahh yes. Them two. They're known to us. We'll just go and have a pointless word".

My DS is still too terrified to go on that park but it's okay though because they had a word Hmm

He really minimised it, expressing how it's difficult to park at the shop etc. My daughter who rang 999 as she watched me being assaulted was told it wasn't an emergency and to ring 101 before they hung up on her!

You were being assaulted, a crime was in process so of course it was an emergency. If he knew how difficult it was to park at the shop then they should have been able to understand how much more difficult it is for you to park there newname. Flowers

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/02/2017 12:02

threatening to beat up a 7yo child simply for going near her, repeatedly just wanted to clarify my point here. My ds didn't go near her repeatedly. He went near her once on the way to the slide and she threatened him repeatedly.

OP. I think you've had some really helpful advice on here. The right to review is an interesting one. Please do this, and please take care of yourself.

Beeziekn33ze · 26/02/2017 12:02

new - I'm so disgusted and sad that this happened to you. The man is a thug, the police dismissive. Good to see so much thoughtful support on MN for you. I hope your MP and Dame Tanni can get things moving. All I can add is a gentle hug and 💐

MrsJaniceBattersby · 26/02/2017 12:25

Dear God new , I'm shocked at the police response . What the fuck did they do before CCTV . So glad you are not letting this drop

MintyChops · 26/02/2017 12:55

Well done for persevering OP, what happened to you was disgraceful and the police response sounds pathetic. Just so you know, if I had been there and witnessed that aI wouldn't have thought twice about going over to help you. As a PP said, there are a great many of us out there; normal, decent people who actually have a moral compass and won't just stand by and let bastards like that treat others so disgustingly. I once got punched for helping a young girl who was being pushed around by someone. I'd intervene again in a heartbeat, punch or not.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/02/2017 14:06

The right to review is an interesting one

It certainly is - I admit I hadn't a clue that even existed, but then the police are hardly going to advertise it are they? Hmm

Perfectlypurple · 26/02/2017 18:05

Actually they do let people know puzzled. It is on our police website and people are told often they can do that if they are not happy. Police officers are regularly not happy at a CPS decision. Not saying this is the case for the op but it is very disheartening for police officers to put a lot of work into supporting a victim and doing everything they can for there to be no charges.