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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if all LGBTs approve of Pride festivals?

163 replies

MrsMuddlePluck · 22/02/2017 14:00

Just to be clear - I will defend any LGBT to protect and preserve their rights. In the past I have stepped in to stop a customer patting my employee's cheek when he was intimidating him for no other reason than his being gay.

Now that we have equal rights and as a society we are more accepting of people whose lifestyle differs from ours, can we stop with the 'pride' marches and the flying of rainbow flags to show our solidarity? I know we still have some way to go but photos from Pride festivals 'celebrating' alternative lifestyles make me feel uncomfortable. Surely you don't need to dress up in sequins or bondage gear and flaunt it in the street, to make you a better LGBT? How do LGBTs really feel about this?

Our Council has just agreed to fund a pride festival, having withdrawn funding for our annual community festival. Can't we celebrate together instead of excluding straights from one, or LGBTs from the other?

OP posts:
2014newme · 22/02/2017 14:06

Ffs.
Lgbt are not a homogeneous group with one opinion.
You are very naive if you think Lgbt have equal rights, they face discrimination every day, sane as women, did you see the women's March? And ethnic minorities, did you see the black lives matter March?

You are the exact reason why pride must continue.
" can we celebrate together ", yes, go along to your prude March and join in. You will be welcome.

I am not lgbt but your post has made me very cross indeed.

2014newme · 22/02/2017 14:07

Pride March not prude March!! 😂😂😂😂

BarbarianMum · 22/02/2017 14:08

It's not clear whether you object to a gay pride parade per sec, or because of the way people dress, or because it has been funded whilst the community festival hasn't been. Which is it.

I think YABU if you think homophobia is a thing of the past.

Applebite · 22/02/2017 14:09

You have a very weird way of talking about "LBGT"s. They are just people.

And can you really expect them all to think the same thing? How would you like it if someone said, "hey, all women, what do you think of..."?

And do you really think we have equal rights yet? You really think there's no discrimination?!

Rixera · 22/02/2017 14:09

I disregard your post because it contains the phrase 'flaunt it.'

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 22/02/2017 14:10

Speaking as a lesbian, there is a MASSIVE gap between the L and the T. Lesbians are accused of transphobia nowadays for refusing to see transwomen as viable sexual partners.

I would avoid pride festivals nowadays because I would expect lesbians to be sidelined.

SoulSearcher101 · 22/02/2017 14:11

You raise an interesting point MrsMuddlePluck, it does seem at the moment that we are inundated with lots of different festivals, marches, protests etc etc - there seems to be hardly a day go by that people in general are campaigning/protesting/celebrating ad infinitum - it is getting to the point of being totally ineffective and in my view quite boring! Maybe it is time for people just to live their lives and not court the constant attention of the media and instead focus on proactive activities such as ensuring local communities are clean, safe and friendly xx

BroomstickOfLove · 22/02/2017 14:15

But one way that people ensure that communities are safe and friendly is by having Pride events.

LucklessMonster · 22/02/2017 14:18

I don't even know where to start with this post.

Maybe... do you honestly believe in your little bubble that LGBT people receive equal treatment to straight people now?

OddBoots · 22/02/2017 14:25

Interesting you say that EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans. My 13yo daughter came out as a lesbian last year and has asked me to take her to a Pride this year, do you think I should try to dissuade her.

defectiveinspector · 22/02/2017 14:31

This is a wind up surely? photos from Pride festivals 'celebrating' alternative lifestyles make me feel uncomfortable. Ask the 11 year old girl who was shot with a BB gun in her school because she is transgendered if we have equal rights and are more accepting of people's lifestyles. OddBoots please do take your daughter along to the Pride festival, she will find it amazing and will feel totally included.

ImNotOkayyy · 22/02/2017 14:35

Pride is fantastic. I absolutely love it. And I take my children. And I do feel the need to celebrate alongside everyone who supports equal rights for the LGBT community because we haven't always had the opportunity to! It's important for me and for my children to see there is no shame in who mummy loves

harderandharder2breathe · 22/02/2017 14:35

Yabu if you think all things are really equal

If you have issues with choices your council makes regarding funding then complain to them about not funding your community event.

LauraMipsum · 22/02/2017 14:36

I'm a lesbian Odd and there are LOADS of lesbians at Pride, we're still a minority next to the gay men but I don't feel sidelined at all. I know what Empress means but to be honest I only see that online, the trans women I know in real life are all very respectful of my boundaries as I am of theirs. I'd definitely take her to Pride as I think online LGBT spaces can be very odd and are often dominated by a particular type of performative queerness which bears no relation to reality.

I'll be taking my daughter to Pride. Gay Christmas, bring it on. She's surrounded every day by what is essentially straight pride, I want her to know that we're proud to be gay and proud to be her mums.

And what makes the OP think everyone's dressed in bondage gear Grin most of us are in jeans and t-shirts.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/02/2017 14:38

I agree LGBT people aren't a homogeneous group.

I don't love sequins and bondage gear, and I can see how you could argue Pride marches usually have more to say about gay men than about women (that's certainly what my partner feels).

But I do think it's naive to think that people are all more accepting so there's no need for any of this stuff.

You don't know how 'accepting' any given person's situation is. There are still plenty of people who don't feel remotely accepted. I teach people aged 18-21, and it is really sad to hear how many of them had negative responses from parents or peers. Including physical violence.

I live in a city that is extremely gay-friendly, almost ridiculously so. Nevertheless, off the top of my head.

  • DP has been harassed at work (not her current work).
  • We've both been shouted by groups of men, including a group who were hammering on the windows of the restaurant they were in with their fists, five minutes from where we live.
  • We've both had people call 'dyke' and similar at us in the street.
  • I've had a number of conversations, which could be blackly funny, where people introduce casual homophobia into the conversation assuming I'll nod and agree.
  • Linked to the previous (and independently) I've had a lot of 'oh, but you don't look like one of them' conversations.
  • I've regularly had visiting students refer to homosexuality in terms of sin or deviancy (NB: I am aware this won't have been motivated by personal dislike, but they're negotiating a cultural difference and I get caught up in it because I'm talking about the history of sexuality. Not 'flaunting' that history).
  • In the past nine months, I've had a wealth of people telling me either that all babies need dads, or (and this is well meaning but irritating) expecting me to be pleased when they suggest I'm nearly as good as a dad.

I have spent the vast majority of my adult life in relationships with men, and so I really do know and notice that the world is not 'more accepting' of LGBT people. Which bit of the above experiences would you like to 'celebrate' with us?

FlyingElbows · 22/02/2017 14:41

I kind of get what you're saying, op but you lost me at "now that we have equal rights"!

I think the world is full of lgbt people who are just going about their life not making a big "look at me" song and dance jazz hands flamboyant pagent about it. There are also lgbt people who love nothing more than 12 thousand rousing choruses of "I am what I am" while gyrating their glittery pvc thong at anyone who'll look. I can raise enough energy to give a shit. As long as nobody is doing anyone any harm what's the problem? I do understand the "if you're just like everyone else why all the" I'm so special and different" flag waving" point though which I think has some merit.

nelipotter · 22/02/2017 14:43

I wish i could believe this was a troll thread
sigh

Still some way to go my friends

OddBoots · 22/02/2017 14:49

Thank you to all who replied. I guess it says a lot that the Pride I have earmarked to attend is not the one in our home town because there are potential clashes with both religious and right-wing groups locally and I would rather not expose a child/young woman to that when she is learning to be comfortable with herself.

LucklessMonster · 22/02/2017 14:52

I'm a lesbian Odd and there are LOADS of lesbians at Pride, we're still a minority next to the gay men but I don't feel sidelined at all

I agree.

Rainydayspending · 22/02/2017 16:01

We don't have an equal society yet. (For example young gay men are more likely to experience depression). Just like we still need feminism we still need groups raising the profile of rights in an unequal society.

If you're going to be really pedantic if you don't want pride do we stop non denominational parades that celebrate community/ culture? Notting Hill started that way.

Areyoufree · 22/02/2017 16:14

Tricky. Am all about equal rights, and I completely see the need for an arena where people can be open about and celebrate their sexuality. But I used to live in Brighton, and Pride was a nightmare for residents. However, we don't yet have equal rights. I have Australian friends who have been engaged forever (just waiting for the law to change), and UK friends who are in a very long term relationship, that they have kept hidden from years due to their profession - being in a same sex relationship will still make you a target, or negatively affect your career. We have to face up to this, or it will never change.

LozzaChops101 · 22/02/2017 16:26

Oddboots - I'd take your kid to Pride so she can be around real life LGBT community. Nothing better for a newly emerging babygay than seeing reflections of themselves, and in such a happy environment. She's lucky to have a parent who will take her! Smile

And Empress - I think the more lesbians that turn up, the the better. We're already experiencing too much erasure in the community!

I have nothing to say to the OP than Biscuit Biscuit Biscuit

Godstopper · 22/02/2017 16:31

You, OP, are precisely why we have Pride in the first place (in an ideal world, we wouldn't).

Of course you are going to have the more flamboyant characters photographed. But so what? You'd have to be missing the reasoning part of your brain to think that this is representative of LGBT people in general.

As a gay woman, I would rather not be associated with the T for reasons similar to those stated, but that's a whole other thread!

GreenGinger2 · 22/02/2017 16:35

My 13 year old has been bullied and physically attacked. I have been shocked at how much homophobia there actually is.

Thingsgettingstranger · 22/02/2017 16:54

Equal rights?!? That's why my dd is repeatedly bullied and isolated at school because 'being gay is a genetic defect?' That's why ds16 is also bullied for being a 'tranny'?

I've taken my 2 (ds16 who is trans and dd 15 whow is lesbian) to pride for the past 2 years and it has been amazing. If you don't like it then ignore it, but leave the rest of us to celebrate being ourselves.