to ask if all LGBTs approve of Pride festivals?

[MrsMuddlePluck]

Just to be clear - I will defend any LGBT to protect and preserve their rights. In the past I have stepped in to stop a customer patting my employee's cheek when he was intimidating him for no other reason than his being gay.

Now that we have equal rights and as a society we are more accepting of people whose lifestyle differs from ours, can we stop with the 'pride' marches and the flying of rainbow flags to show our solidarity? I know we still have some way to go but photos from Pride festivals 'celebrating' alternative lifestyles make me feel uncomfortable. Surely you don't need to dress up in sequins or bondage gear and flaunt it in the street, to make you a better LGBT? How do LGBTs really feel about this?

Our Council has just agreed to fund a pride festival, having withdrawn funding for our annual community festival. Can't we celebrate together instead of excluding straights from one, or LGBTs from the other?

Pride isn't there to 'normalise' homosexuality. It's not there to present one unified vision of what LGB&T is about. It's not there to win the approval of heterosexual people. It's there so LGB&T people can just get together and celebrate who we are, on our own terms. It's not much to my taste but it was very important to me when I was a newly minted young lesbian.

I don't have much in common with men in frocks, or BDSM devotees, or trans women. I feel as much affinity to a shrieking young boy wearing nipple tassels as you, OP, feel for blotto teens in the centre of Newcastle on a Saturday night. But that's ok. I'm a boring middle aged lesbo with kids and cat - I'm not supposed to have anything in common with the young 'uns but I don't feel threatened by them either.

Unlike you, OP. You've thrown up all kinds of justifications but your key point is that you feel uncomfortable with 'alternative lifestyles'. You don't see why gays should flaunt their gayness because you don't flaunt your hetness. Heterosexuals flaunt their sexuality all the feckin time, but rarely see it as that. Chat to colleagues about what you and your husband did over the weekend? Have a big wedding? Go to a restaurant for Valentine's Day? Is none of that flaunting heterosexuality? Privilege rarely sees itself.

It doesn't bother me. Happy for you to be open about who and what you are. But don't start thinking it's your place to trawl for 'LGBTs' to give you ammunition for your homophobia. Because homophobic is exactly what your posts are.

Don't like Pride? Easy. Don't go.

This says it better than I could OP

www.advocate.com/pride/2016/6/29/every-day-heterosexual-pride-day

The big trending hashtag of the day, #HeterosexualPrideDay, shows willful ignorance of an oppressive reality: every day is straight pride day.

Every day, straight people march down the street, holding hands, kissing, and loving one another without fear of violence or arrest. A recent article in The Advocate by Alexander Cheves highlights at least 34 simple acts of affection — be it sitting next to the person one loves or stroking his hair — that straight people take for granted. Gay people know that on their lips, a kiss is not just a kiss. It is an act of bravery. It might as well be a revolution.

But one way that people ensure that communities are safe and friendly is by having Pride events

After the last Pride that I happened by chance to see (I didn't know it was on, saw the floats and stopped to watch) I would definitely make a point of not going to another one. It was certainly not family friendly. It appeared to be dominated by trans? men dressed in BDSM gear who shouted out and made graphic sexual gestures to the crowd. It was beyond lewd. This was my first and last experience so no idea if this is what usually happens.

And a pic for you OP

Ok. I am probably going to get eaten alive here for clumsiness, but trying to join in iyswim. I think I do get what you mean about the bondage thing. I dont imagine that being a lesbian is neccessarily aligned to fetishism or S&M. So does the grouping together of all sex that isn't considered"mainstream" do a disservice to the movement of "normalising" homosexuality?
I suppose this is why pp have made the point

No eating alive but I'm happy to explain my interpretation of this.

One of the many ways in which gay people have been erased from history is by 'de-sexing' us. Both male and female same sex couples were always described as 'friends' or 'devoted friends'. Our relationships were minimised by removing the sexual aspect.

Pride is their to celebrate our sexuality and sex is part of that.

Not all gay people do want to be like heterosexual, they don't always want to copy the monogamous 'ideal'. Dirty public fucking is still a part of gay culture, not all gay people do it but some do and it's as much to be celebrated as any other part of gay culture.

Gay people don't have to be exactly the same as straight people, we aren't your 'normal' and we don't have to be your 'normal'.

Hello.

I've asked all the rest of the LGBT's and we're all agreed that we would quite like Pride to continue.

It's the one day of the year we can shed our outer respectable blending in personas, stop being accountants and doctors and project managers and all the other frankly boring things and indulge in a proper gay fest. Being gay. Getting our gay on. Gaying it up.

Dirty public fucking is still a part of gay culture, not all gay people do it but some do and it's as much to be celebrated as any other part of gay culture

Can you please elaborate on this? Genuine question btw.

Can you please elaborate on this? Genuine question btw.

I'll do my best, what would you like to know?

I suppose I was just wondering why dirty public fucking needs to be celebrated? Do heterosexual people not do this too? Is this only a gay thing?

Also Gay people don't have to be exactly the same as straight people

What exactly is the straight person norm? Or the gay person norm? Surely it isn't a one size fits all?

My point is that Pride is there to celebrate gay culture. Gay culture isn't same as straight culture. Dirty public fucking isn't a major part of gay culture but some people want to celebrate it and that's cool because it's a festival to celebrate our diversity.

Of course, there will always be members of the dominant community who'll feel entitled to tell us what aspects of our diversity we are 'allowed' to celebrate, that's one of the reasons we still need Pride.

You didn't ask me Florist I do however concur.

It's the one day of the year I don't feel I have to check my surroundings before I hold my girlfriend's hand or give her a peck in public.

Equal rights aren't everywhere btw, not even in all of the UK.

If nothing else, I'd like to keep Pride around so that I can keep getting lovely friendly drag queens to show an (almost) 50 year old straight woman how to apply make-up properly.

I have learnt SO MUCH in the few years I've been going to Pride! I realise this is completely selfish but there you go.

I've been taking DS to Pride since he was 2yo. Last year he was 9 and really started asking questions of me and some participants. He enjoyed himself. He talked about the discomfort he felt. He learnt a lot. He danced. And then he got bored and we went home. Result!

Personally, as someone who lives in NI, I love Pride. It is inclusive and fun. The same cannot be said of all our parades.

As a B, I need Pride to reaffirm my very existence at times. Biphobia is alive and well, and my sexuality is made into something for male gratification, I'm told I don't exist, that bisexuality isn't real, I'm either trying to be a special snowflake or I'm too scared of coming out. I've even had gay ex girlfriends pressure me to come out as gay, even though I'm not. I'm bi and that's fine. But I don't often get a chance to be out about it. Pride gives me that.

Strongerandleaner: I did say "all" didn't I?! I didnt mean I was asking all LGBTs, but that there seems to be an expectation that all LGBTs want to be out celebrating as most might just want to quietly get on with being LGBT? Iyswim & at the risk of being misunderstood yet again. But can you understand that I really am trying not to offend anyone.

conserveisposhforjam: did you read my OP?

10000spoons : I don't flaunt my straightness. I just get on with being straight. Now, swap straight for gay in that sentence.

but that there seems to be an expectation that all LGBTs want to be out celebrating as most might just want to quietly get on with being LGBT

What do you mean by that?

Some LGBT PEOPLE want to attend Pride. Are you ok with that?

Some LGBT PEOPLE don't feel the need to.

I don't flaunt my straightness. I just get on with being straight

Holding hands, kissing, cuddling - yes, you do flaunt it.

Guess what op

There are MANY places where being gay is unacceptable. Where holding hands and kissing are deemed as unacceptable and people get stared at and FAR WORSE. You take that as granted that you can do that - hold hands etc.

PRIDE offers LGBT PEOPLE a chance to express their love for someone in public without fear of abuse. Something many other people can do without having to attend an event.

But you don't want to get that, do you.

How does publicly flaunting your sexual preferences promote committed, loving gay relationships anyway?
Publicly flaunting?! A group of like-minded people getting together in public isn't flaunting anything! It's providing a (hopefully) safe space where it's okay to be who you are. I really had hoped that the idea of 'flaunting' had gone out of fashion now - I was accused of 'flaunting my sexuality' when I casually kissed my girlfriend at a work's do over twenty years ago, for people to still come out (no pun intended, sadly) with those tired old attitudes now is just sad.
Like a previous poster, I don't go to Pride marches anymore but they were vital when I first came out all those years ago.
And of course the media only use the 'flamboyant' pictures - there's no value in pictures of average-looking people walking down a road smiling.

But can you understand that I really am trying not to offend anyone.
No, sorry, I can't.

How does publicly flaunting your sexual preferences promote committed, loving gay relationships anyway

Teachers have been criticised for mentioning their same sex partner in schools.

Yet teachers mention their opposite sex partner in schools frequently - some teachers even have children from schools sing at their wedding.

I bet the DM would have an issue if a teacher asked their pupils to sing at a same sex civil partnership. But no issue if a teacher asked their pupils to sing at their opposite sex wedding.

Both male and female same sex couples were always described as 'friends' or 'devoted friends'. Our relationships were minimised by removing the sexual aspect.
Don't forget my personal favourite "special friends"

Oh wise up MrsMuddle, now I do think you're on a wind up.

It isn't about flaunting anything. I'm in Northern Ireland, part of the UK I might add, where we don't don't even have equal marriage for same sex relationships. Where our main political party veteos this when it is voted upon. Where our own health minister at the time a few short years ago said he believed children of same sex couples where more likely to be abused.

Now tell me why we don't need Pride?

It appeared to be dominated by trans?

You're right to question your own use of the word "trans" to describe people. Similar to using just LGBTs, autistics, or disableds. It shouldn't be the only word you use to describe somebody. Trans people would have been better. (Space between trans and people). Better still would be people who are trans, to make their label less important than the fact they're people first.