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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Lending money with conditions

412 replies

p5oebe · 22/02/2017 09:26

Dh has been made redundant (bloody brexit) & frantically searching for another job but its really difficult as his work is very specific. I work but low paid & we have a max mortgage that we can only afford with his salary. I also have two pre schoolers at home.

Dm has very kindly offered to tide us over if it comes to that, they are very well off & adore the grandkids & extremely generous with gifts for them etc

The only thing is she has insisted we stop shopping at Waitrose, Boden & our favourite shops basically she is a reverse snob (?) and doesnt miss an opportunity to tell me what a waste Waitrose is. I am very particular about food & what the kids eat. We dont have a freezer or microwave & i find it so much easier to shop fresh somewhere i trust. I spend approx £150 a week for the four of us.
We hardly drink & rarely buy clothes for dh & I but obviously the kids need new clothes regularly. She's basically said i don't want you to waste my money!

OP posts:
WeddingsAreStressful · 22/02/2017 10:57

I shop at waitrose but that's because it's close and we can afford it. You can't. Don't kid yourself - waitrose and boden are extremely overpriced. You're poor, don't have jobs and 2 kids to raise. Your DM is willing to bail you out if you stop spending money like you have it. Sounds reasonable.

Original poster
p5oebe · 22/02/2017 10:57

I mean regular use re microwaves obviously.
What's wrong with woodburners FFS? Its enclosed, the soot goes up the chimney

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 22/02/2017 10:58

*CaraAspen

MiddleClassProblem

If DH gets a job at Waitrose you can get a discount!

Charming. I note a bit of the old pack mentality in action.*

What's wrong with working in a supermarket? How is that pack mentality? I'm not like that ever! You're looking for shot where there isn't any

DianaMemorialJam · 22/02/2017 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HakeLively · 22/02/2017 10:59

Well yes but even regular use won't cause cancer! Where's the evidence? Research isn't the same thing. It's just a poor excuse IMO as to why you can't be a bit more frugal.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 22/02/2017 10:59

It's almost 11 am and someone is still in her Primark dressing gown?

Yes I am. You're point is what exactly?

Chocolatecake12 · 22/02/2017 10:59

Op I challenge you to try Lidl or Aldi
You cannot afford your previous lifestyle so will need to make changes. They do honestly have some really great stuff in there and I also love to feed my kids decent food that I often make from scratch.
Your mother cannot lend you money and see you not make changes. She's being very sensible.
As for the kids clothes - Boden is expensive, yes nice but overpriced IMO.
Shop around, it doesn't have to be primark but your priorities do need to be looked at.

NorksAkimbo72 · 22/02/2017 11:00

p5oebe can you provide a source for regular use of microwaves causing cancer? I use mine for my lunch most days, so I'd be interested...

CaraAspen · 22/02/2017 11:02

*MiddleClassProblem

CaraAspen

MiddleClassProblem

If DH gets a job at Waitrose you can get a discount!

Charming. I note a bit of the old pack mentality in action.

What's wrong with working in a supermarket? How is that pack mentality? I'm not like that ever! You're looking for shot where there isn't any

Sorry if I misread. It seemed like a flippant comment to me, one for which you were congratulated by another poster who is enjoying attacking the OP.

BillSykesDog · 22/02/2017 11:03

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OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 22/02/2017 11:04

Oh dear.
We are going to call a parody comment on a ridiculous thread in AIBU an attack now, are we?
Biscuit

CaraAspen · 22/02/2017 11:05

BillSykesDog

I think a long term poster may regret ticking the 'stay logged in box' during half term...

What?

Freddorika · 22/02/2017 11:06

I love my woodburner but they are pretty bad for the environment

krustykittens · 22/02/2017 11:07

I am so sorry you went through that, bigears. OP, take note - if this happens to your family, will you still be worrying that your children are wearing second-hand Boden? Your mum is offering you a lifeline, grab it! This could happen to any of us.

BillSykesDog · 22/02/2017 11:07

I think someone might be misusing their Mummy's account Cara.

SilentlyScreamingAgain · 22/02/2017 11:09

*It's almost 11 am and someone is still in her Primark dressing gown?

Yes I am. You're point is what exactly?*

Don't get defensive with CA, she loves it as she feels she has put you on the back foot. The best approach is to get her outrage spewing at top range. Something like 'I'm still in my dressing gown because I had so much cider for breakfast I can't manage buttons yet'.

The extra lip pursing you'll cause will give her a cat's bum mouth.

DianaMemorialJam · 22/02/2017 11:10
Grin
Minnie747 · 22/02/2017 11:13

Op. Firstly I think money should never be given nor lent with 'conditions', however if this is the only option you will have to find a compromise.

Surely you won't have to buy too many clothes over the coming months and if you do then this is something you have to save money on. Perhaps look at buying second hand?

I totally get why you don't want to change the food thing, but you can buy organic fruit and veg/organic free range eggs and organic free range meat (limited) at most supermarkets.

Cut back on meat (buy good quality less frequently), concentrate on making plant based meals during this time.

You can buy meridian PURE nut butters from Tesco/Asda etc.

I think it's the way you phrased your AIBU that might have annoyed some.

JaxingJump · 22/02/2017 11:13

Lol. This is the greatest successful case study for the advertising and branding industry.

OP, sorry to be so direct but you are a fool. And even more so because you are already struggling financially and even in the face of that insist on wasting money unnecessarily.

BillSykesDog · 22/02/2017 11:14

Jax exactly.

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 22/02/2017 11:15

Re: dressing gown and cider

Then reel it in a bit with "it was Waitrose cider though, british apples!"

Grin
Carollocking · 22/02/2017 11:16

Nothing so easily parted than a fool and there money.

thethoughtfox · 22/02/2017 11:18

To be fair Waitrose do excellent 3 for £10 deals on meat, chicken and fish. So do M&S actually and it's much better quality that the same offers and Asda and Tesco. But you can't seriously believe it is cheaper to cook every single meal for fresh instead of batch cooking fresh meals and freezing some? DH made a lovely chili with all M&S ingredients ( because it's just round the corner), spent about £10 and made dinner for that night, a portion for eating with spaghetti the next night and 5 portions for the freezer.

You can also buy lovely, good quality clothes from Next ( I know lots of people buy them but you can style them up and make them look more unique) and Zara kids.

SilentlyScreamingAgain · 22/02/2017 11:18

I don't know, I'd throw that line as far as I could with 'the white cider leaves a bit of a smell but at least I don't have to wash the dressing gown'.

BillSykesDog · 22/02/2017 11:20

Dressing gown and cider? Is now the time to mention Bulmer's has a Royal Warrant? I bet Our Dear Liz is in her dressing gown clicking away on Gransnet having a cold one right now.