Lending money with conditions

[p5oebe]

Dh has been made redundant (bloody brexit) & frantically searching for another job but its really difficult as his work is very specific. I work but low paid & we have a max mortgage that we can only afford with his salary. I also have two pre schoolers at home.

Dm has very kindly offered to tide us over if it comes to that, they are very well off & adore the grandkids & extremely generous with gifts for them etc

The only thing is she has insisted we stop shopping at Waitrose, Boden & our favourite shops basically she is a reverse snob (?) and doesnt miss an opportunity to tell me what a waste Waitrose is. I am very particular about food & what the kids eat. We dont have a freezer or microwave & i find it so much easier to shop fresh somewhere i trust. I spend approx £150 a week for the four of us.
We hardly drink & rarely buy clothes for dh & I but obviously the kids need new clothes regularly. She's basically said i don't want you to waste my money!

What will you do if you end up having to use food banks? They won't pander to your food snobbery.

You need to get a grip on your finances now, reduce spending where you can.

I wish you the best of luck for the future though

OP.

Some suggestions (this is actually meant to be helpful).

If you like your DCs looking nice, I definitely suggest charity shops. I don't know where you live, but I've found some lovely stuff in charity shops - Monsoon, Boden even! This sounds a bit awful, but go to the charity shops in 'naice' areas - you're much more likely to get a bargain. eBay will also have some of those kind of things at a discount. Church jumble sales can be great. There's also a definite space between Primark and Boden - you don't need to go to extremes! If you're crafty (and it sounds like you are) you should be able to make a bunch of clothes too as fabric is cheaper. But honestly, I don't think it'll kill the kids to wear cheaper clothes for a few months while dad is out of work, and if it's likely to be a long term situation, obviously you're going to need to adjust your life plan in general.

With regards food - again - look at farmer's markets (esp if you're in the countryside). I think it should be safe to buy the basics at cheaper stores - as people have said, a carrot is mostly a carrot. The Co-Op is relatively cheap (and might be mother approved) but has a very good relationship with its staff and suppliers. I think you're creating a false dichotomy between Waitrose and Aldi - there's loads between. I'd also recommend looking at cook books like Jack Monroe's - she's amazing at feeding your family on very little.

I think it is difficult when your income suddenly changes and I think some posters are being pretty harsh. Good luck. Hopefully you'll be back on track soon.

OP How much is regular use of a microwave then?!

You asked MNetters if YABU and the overwhelming response is 'yes you are'.

To be fair Waitrose do excellent 3 for £10 deals on meat, chicken and fish

Exactly . Define waste. Is it a waste to protect your children's health?

Ok I take your point re their clothes

I'm out. This is funny but getting silly and I'm not in my dressing gown, but rather procrastinating some particularly boring work.

(I do have wiskey in my coffee mug and yesterday's knickers on though, Cara! )

Buying children's clothing secondhand is always most ethical- they grow so quickly, in many cases it's not at all worn out.
I do not buy from places such as primark as I do not want to purchase clothing made in sweatshops, probably by children. There's nothing wrong with wanting to live ethically, whether one can afford it or not, regardless of what class one is.

Re pb and palm oil- even whole earth pb has palm oil in!! I don't give a damn if it is sustainable.
I buy sun pat, as it's the only brand I've found without, and the no added sugar version is great for children.

I'm afraid your mum is right- in your circumstances you have to adjust your spending- but it's perfectly possible to do so. Eating meat less frequently would help, but which food shops do you have available in your area? A freezer would also greatly help re batch cooking, as the costs saved on cooking in bulk are not negligible. You can also then do things such as pick up reduced organic meat for less money, cook meals with it and freeze them for other days.

god, my heart really bleeds for this poster, £150 a week for four people, really ? how do we manage to eat healthy for £150 a week and there are 7 of us , oh, yes, because i use a freezer and frozen food is cheaper and fresher than stuff that has been shipped and stored for several weeks !
shop in the most practical way you need to, and what is it with boden anyway ? sorry but having seen their stuff it's nothing special, [misses point perhaps]

The meat from Lidl or Aldi, I can never remember which, is legendary among my 'foodie' and wealthy friends and colleagues. All the genuinely wealthy and/ or MC people I know buy a range of products from a mix of places and price points. The only people I know who will only buy products that are deemed to be 'MC' or 'upmarket' are those who can't quite afford it and desperately want to be seem as MC or trying to escape their WC roots.

Thank you phil I didn't know that re sun pat. That's the kind of suggestion that's going to help me. Does aldi or lidl do low/no sugar kids yoghurts? I take yoir point about thete being a middle ground i supose im lazy inthinking it will just take a lot of time (& maybe using several supermarkets instead of one) to find the good food. Batch cooking, yes maybe but id have to get a freezer.

I think your mother is being ridiculous, you should stick to your principles and REFUSE the money. That will show who's who.

BTW I know you are a long term poster but this thread is still a bit odd. You can't have seriously thought anyone would think Boden clothes and Waitrose are essential.

Why do you need to borrow money from your mum OP? Don't you have any savings?!

Op can i tell you something which might shock you and save you abit of money. Whilst at uni my friend (not that it matters but shes a gp now as was doing medicine) working in a chicken factory packaging up chickens. One side of the belt was marks and spencer packages, the other side was asda. The same source for the chickens! Which chicken you got depended on which one the packager grapped so the same source of chicken could go to marks or asda that day. There was no difference apart from the packaging. I think this same factory also did ldll, tesco, sainsburys and iceland.

Do you really think that Waitrose is the only supermarket that sells low/ no sugar yogurts? How do you think the rest of us mere mortals who don't have Waitrose cope? Seriously catch yourself on, grow up and start taking financial responsibility and making sensible decisions.

"Wiskey"?

Erm ... aspiration required!

Lidl does a great huge tub of Greek yoghurt
Morrisons do one called Lancashire farms luxury Greek yoghurt
Not individual pots but you could pot into containers

Op...every single supermarket, ldll etc sells low fat yogurt.

Teso yesterday...not sure if it was £1 or £1.20 now. They very tasty!

I no Cara but I thot you wudnt resist the bum lip reply.

A bit naughty, but very worth it!

(Now I'll go work!)

Does aldi or lidl do low/no sugar kids yoghurts

Sorry but this is hard to believe now!

fwiw we buy a large pot of plain yogurt from lidl and use maple syrup (from the health food shop! healthy points!) to sweeten it.

I don't know re aldi/Lidl, but I don't buy "children's" yoghurts. I buy the large tubs of fruit or plain yoghurt yeo valley so made with whole organic milk never Rachel's as they're owned by nestle. Plain yoghurt we add stewed fruit to usually. Pretty sure the German supermarkets will sell large tubs of plain yoghurt, as Germans tend to eat more wholefood type stuff.

Hollinghurst..i know..i finished my large pot yesterday. Tempted to get it out of the recycling to sure op.

You are hysterical

You are skint.

Your kind mother has offered to help but suggested making money stretch further by shopping in cheaper super markets and buying less expensive clothing. Pretty sensible, no?

You feel sick at the thought of buying value food?
LOL.

Well unless your husband gets a job fast, you will be buying value food, enjoy!

I say that while I sip my Tesco every day value tea, and munch on a Tesco value digestive. They are tasty btw.

You come across like a real snob. Good and proper.

This has actually made me a bit cross. My kids were raised on second hand clothes, shopped in Aldi, Kwik Save when it was still around, Tesco, Asda. I managed to give them a really good diet and they were dressed well and appropriately. I used the reduced section in the supermarkets regularly ( and still do) and guess what? They're all healthy and productive adults now. You really do need to get your head out of your arse on this. Waitrose and Boden are NOT the be all and end all, you just need to shop around. £150 a week is a massive amount to spend, particularly when you grow your own veg and make your own bread. When all my kids were at home and I was with my husband, only just over a year ago, I was spending £80 a week maximum, and that was for 2 adults and 3 very hungry teenagers.

Yes its making me cross too. Its so UNINFORMED! No wonder people will buy any old shit with a waitrose label and a bit of marketing behind it.

Define waste. Is it a waste to protect your children's health?

Aldi do free range chicken fillets which are the same price as non-organic Waitrose chicken fillets.