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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lending money with conditions

412 replies

p5oebe · 22/02/2017 09:26

Dh has been made redundant (bloody brexit) & frantically searching for another job but its really difficult as his work is very specific. I work but low paid & we have a max mortgage that we can only afford with his salary. I also have two pre schoolers at home.

Dm has very kindly offered to tide us over if it comes to that, they are very well off & adore the grandkids & extremely generous with gifts for them etc

The only thing is she has insisted we stop shopping at Waitrose, Boden & our favourite shops basically she is a reverse snob (?) and doesnt miss an opportunity to tell me what a waste Waitrose is. I am very particular about food & what the kids eat. We dont have a freezer or microwave & i find it so much easier to shop fresh somewhere i trust. I spend approx £150 a week for the four of us.
We hardly drink & rarely buy clothes for dh & I but obviously the kids need new clothes regularly. She's basically said i don't want you to waste my money!

OP posts:
NorksAkimbo72 · 22/02/2017 10:47

Cara...those might be the facts, and I'm sure the Biden clothes and Waitrose food will hold up well when they can't pay their mortgage!

Bluebellevergreen · 22/02/2017 10:48

Never seen any good quality clothing second hand... not true
I buy 70% of my clothesand the baby's at charities and always get compliments.
Much better quality and much better for the environment than most cheap shops. Plus super cheap

ElvishArchdruid · 22/02/2017 10:48

Another example have a look at Aldi, just look where they source the vegetables. Check the ingredients in your most used items. I'll think you'll be pretty surprised.

If you can't afford Boden how about going on eBay & getting a bundle of clothes. They usually go fairly cheap and are mostly never worn.

Freddorika · 22/02/2017 10:48

Its not a fact actually.

I hate shopping in my Waitrose. The aisles are tiny, the staff are slow and preoccupied and I am not stupid enough to fall for the nice packaging.

I find our new large shiny Lidl a much nicer place to shop.

Hoppinggreen · 22/02/2017 10:49

I think all your principles are admirable OP but unfortunately you can't afford them at the moment.
We are well off and sometimes shop at Boden and Waitrose but if I choose to shop at Asda or buy clothes from Sainsbury's for the dc we still eat well and the dc still look good.
You are either very deluded or this is total bollocks

Freddorika · 22/02/2017 10:50

Never seen any good quality clothing second hand...

???

I buy LOADS of clothes for the dds from Ebay. All good makes, all good quality. I bought dd a Superdry jacket for £17 quid last week. It would have been £80 new.

SilentlyScreamingAgain · 22/02/2017 10:50

I think that the loss of a job and a big drop in income is an awful shock for anyone, no matter how high they are falling from. There seems to be so little sympathy for anyone who has absolutely anything in the UK at the moment. You don't need to be absolutely on the breadline to find a reduction in your circumstances frightening and disconcerting.

When any of us is frightened, we grab on to the familiar. The OP obviously has a lot of her identity invested in feeding her family in the best way she can, that's not freaky, most of us do to some extent.

OP, it's fantastic that your mum is willing and able to help and I'm sure you will recognise that when your initial fear of the unknown has worn off. Lidl and Aldi both sell excellent fresh food and lovely big bags of unsalted nuts for peanut butter. If you're rural, farmers' markets are good value (less so in cities, where they seem to attract a premium). While your husband is home, he might be able to increase production on your veg patch and sort out sourcing clothes from EBay or charity shops.

You will manage this, you'll cope and no one will starve. Honestly, it will be okay.

bigearsthethird · 22/02/2017 10:50

Ok so its not a wind up.

I think your DM is being very reasonable offering to lend you money but asking you dont waste it on expensive food and clothes. You need to rein it in a bit if you want to get through this. You say your wage is low. What is low?

I think you actually dont have a clue what might happen if you get behind on your mortgage. you will lose your house and it will be heart breaking.

if I were you i'd accept the very generous offer and start looking at alternative places to shop. You can still get very healthy food from other supermarkets and I am sure you will be surprised at the difference in cost. Plus your children will be fine in supermarket clothes for a while. or shop second hand.

I was in your situation once, but I didnt have a DM to tide us over. We stopped all luxuries the exact day DH lost his job. We had 2 children and I was pregnant. He wasnt able to find another job straight away, not through lack of looking and no one would hire me in my condition. We did lose our house. It was very traumatic and the worst part was trying to explain it to the children when their things were being repossed because they sold our house at less than the mortgage was on it so we still owed. They even took the kids bikes which were old not worth anything and a toy slide, all our furniture. and this was after cutting our food shop to £25 a week (that included nappies), zero luxuries, having the electric cut off on more than 1 occasion. second time with a newborn. We were at rock bottom. we simply could not afford to pay our mortgage. Dont put yourself there for the sake of your pride and having specifc food.
We climbed out of it eventually, but it was too little late.

BillyButtfuck · 22/02/2017 10:51

What the fuck have I just read ShockGrin

ElvishArchdruid · 22/02/2017 10:51

If anything this post has brightened up a shitty start to the day, so thank you OP Flowers

Basicbrown · 22/02/2017 10:51

Primark clothes are like anywhere, some of them are shite some aren't. I've been given Boden clothes for the DC and they were horrid imo, but TBF they may well have been 20 years old as they were built to last I'll accept that. There's no real point in built to last in clothes for little kids though imo.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 22/02/2017 10:51

*Primark clothes ARE thin and scratchy and the whole place stinks of cheap dye.

•Shopping in Waitrose is a better experience than many of the alternatives.

•Boden children's clothes ARE decent quality.

Why argue with facts?*

None of those are facts. They are opinion. I'm currently wearing a lovely thick soft primark dressing gown. The only item of boden clothing my DS had came apart at the seams after 2 wears. His matalan outfit he's got on today is still going strong. Can't speak for the waitrose "experience" only ever been in the ones at motorway services and try seem no different to any other supermarket to me.

Freddorika · 22/02/2017 10:51

bigears Sad well done for climbing out of that.

HakeLively · 22/02/2017 10:51

There is a ZERO scientific evidence to suggest you can get cancer from microwaves Confused so how can you say it's 'proven'?

Basicbrown · 22/02/2017 10:52

The other option OP is to sell your house and manage the situation yourselves. There are a lot of advantages in this way imo.

DianaMemorialJam · 22/02/2017 10:52

This reply has been deleted

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CaraAspen · 22/02/2017 10:53

It's almost 11 am and someone is still in her Primark dressing gown?

Original poster
p5oebe · 22/02/2017 10:53

Im very sorry to hear that bigears

OP posts:
Freddorika · 22/02/2017 10:54

OP you actually sound very naive and immature. I hope everything works out for you and perhaps this might actually strengthen you as a person.

a couple of years ago I started at thread on budgeting. I got absolutely ripped apart by posters who said that I was spending too much, that my salary was huge in comparison to theirs.It really upset me at the time.

BUT they were absolutely right. I started to budget properly and accept that we COULD afford things we wanted to do IF we budgeted for them. Its been the making of me, in fact I've enjoyed it so much I am starting an accountancy course in Jan next year!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 22/02/2017 10:54

My Grandfather thinks they have special fields to grow Waitrose potatoes. My Grandmother once referred to Aldi food as 'substandard'. I'm always astounded that they can be so thick. But, oh well, supply and demand.. if more people shopped at Aldi they would probably put the prices up.

I think the most sensible thing to do would be to not borrow the money.

Boden looks shit too.

sunshinesupermum · 22/02/2017 10:55

Microwaves have been proven to cause cancer shock Please could you post the evidence of this (not Daily Mail, thank you)

YABVU and very fortunate you have a DM who can afford to help you out so listen to her! £150 per week on food for 4!!!! There's some very good advice here about buying (Boden!) second hand for kids etc.

Take your head out of the sand OP

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 22/02/2017 10:55

FormerlyFrikadela01 I agree. Thanks for that, I didn't have the energy to feed him/her/it today.

BillSykesDog · 22/02/2017 10:55

OP, if you don't prioritise paying your mortgage over shopping in expensive places I can guarantee that the breakfast cereal you will all be eating in a homeless b&b will not be from Waitrose.

Considering you are such a snob, how do you feel about the fact that not paying your mortgage is probably going to lead to homeless hostels and council houses in areas miles and miles of drive to a Waitrose where Ocado don't deliver? And a credit rating so screwed you'll never own your own home again?

gingina · 22/02/2017 10:55

So OP is not a troll
In that case this is such a sad thread.
There are people in the world who have nothing. And I mean Absolutely Nothing. (Did you see the Ross Kemp thing about the refugees in Libya on Sky last night?)
Shame on you OP, be grateful that your Mum is willing to help you and have a long hard look at yourself.
Your dc have a roof over their heads, clothes and food which is a lot more than many in the world today have.

Biscuit

CaraAspen · 22/02/2017 10:56

Some people on the thread are STILL troll hunting and being unpleasant. I think the mods have already issued a warning...