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Original poster

Lending money with conditions

412 replies

p5oebe · 22/02/2017 09:26

Dh has been made redundant (bloody brexit) & frantically searching for another job but its really difficult as his work is very specific. I work but low paid & we have a max mortgage that we can only afford with his salary. I also have two pre schoolers at home.

Dm has very kindly offered to tide us over if it comes to that, they are very well off & adore the grandkids & extremely generous with gifts for them etc

The only thing is she has insisted we stop shopping at Waitrose, Boden & our favourite shops basically she is a reverse snob (?) and doesnt miss an opportunity to tell me what a waste Waitrose is. I am very particular about food & what the kids eat. We dont have a freezer or microwave & i find it so much easier to shop fresh somewhere i trust. I spend approx £150 a week for the four of us.
We hardly drink & rarely buy clothes for dh & I but obviously the kids need new clothes regularly. She's basically said i don't want you to waste my money!

OP posts:
TheClacksAreDown · 22/02/2017 12:29

OP I can sympathise a little with your position. You've chosen to prioritise particular areas of your life for spending at the expense of others and your mother is pissing all over that. So a clear implied criticism of your decisions and priorities. But you are where you are and I am also see your mother's POV of funding parts of a lifestyle of more than she thinks is appropriate. Perhaps if you had Sky she would expect that to be switched off to demonstrate you're taking some pain.

So what I would do is this - think about the outcomes of what you want to achieve rather than the means. Then think about how you can meet those aims within the confines of the situation you find yourself in. So for example the aim on kids clothes might be "I want to buy good quality comfortabe clothes for the children that are not produced via exploitation of others". Then think about how you get that - second hand, other cheaper suppliers, hand me downs etc

heartisshattered · 22/02/2017 12:29

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahah

This cannot be fo reals!

eddielizzard · 22/02/2017 12:30

boden is expensive, there are loads of kids shops much cheaper that do great clothes. realistically, you need to do this till your dh has another job. who knows how long that's going to be? def go to charity shops. there're some great bargains, you just have to put the time in.

cut back on the amount of meat you eat. make stews from the cheaper cuts of meat eg. stewing steak. don't buy a freezer if you don't have one - you need to save. you can still do batch cooking. you just change the carbohydrate you eat with eg. a bolognaise sauce i cook with pasta, on day two with jacket potatoes, day 3 with rice, add a bit of chilli, make toasted bolognaise sandwiches. so you eat bolognaise sauce three nights in a row, but you haven't had to fork out for that freezer. you can still buy good quality food, you just have to make more effort than popping down to waitrose.

you can get great veg deals at farmers markets. do you have one near you?

basically you can make loads of savings, without really reducing the quality, the cost is your time in hunting out these savings.

Beansonapost · 22/02/2017 12:30

This explains why your DM is well off.

This has to be a troll.

eddielizzard · 22/02/2017 12:32

oooh and biona peanut butter doesn't have palm oil in it, although i'm not sure your mum would approve...

barefoofdoctor · 22/02/2017 12:36

Can't DH get a job at Waitrose short term, then you will get staff discount? Get down the charity shops for some Boden action - I'm guessing you live in a decent area so it should be aplenty?

ifcatscouldtalk · 22/02/2017 12:36

op I am sorry you have found yourself in this position but did bigears post register? This is the reality when you can't pay your mortgage. I hope it doesn't come to that. I agree with your DM.

typedwithcertainty · 22/02/2017 12:38

I only go to Waitrose for the free coffee (just buy a muffin as a treat! Coffee and a muffin for a pound?! Heaven!) but shhhh don't tell anyone Grin

Mrsdraper1 · 22/02/2017 12:39

p5oebe
You are Sarah Vine and I claim my £5!

TheNaze73 · 22/02/2017 12:41

YANBU. Who wants to shop with feral people?? Biscuit

needalittleL · 22/02/2017 12:43

Dear lord, this is one of the most silly things I've ever heard. I hope you realise this why people are slating you.

If you were truly skint you wouldn't even be thinking about where your food comes from.

Your mother has a point. Listen to her as it's her money! 150 a week for 4 people (without that much alcohol as you say) is absolutely ridiculous. We spend 65-75 tops at Aldi. We cook from scratch every night and we don't even have the luxury of home grown veg and chicken!

You need to have a word with yourself.

BobbieDog · 22/02/2017 12:45

I understand how hard it is to swap things for a lesser quality than you are used to.

The thing to look at is is that its only temporary until you get back on your feet, it wont be forever.

I would find it painful to shop at aldi and buy clothing from primark etc but thats because i ve become accustomed to my current lifestyle.

But if it was a choice of losing my home or shopping at M&S for food then of course it would be a no brainer to shop at lidl/aldi instead.

Once things pick up again financially then you can go back to the things that you like.

Beegu5 · 22/02/2017 12:51

Just to add, if you look at the money page on here there's a section called credit crunch and another called money matters which i've found really useful and supportive.

sotired2 · 22/02/2017 12:53

I think as your circumstances have changed since you made food and clothes your priority you need to re look at your priorities and make sensible adjustments and new priorities.

Can Dh do some temp work in another field to earn money while job comes along he wants to do

If he is not working can you increase the work you do and DH does more childcare.

see MIL point of view how would you like to lend money to someone then see them spend it very quickly and then need more - if between you you can not earn more money how long will MIL loan last any way especially if you don't cut back.

I can see in other areas you don't over spend but you do have to cut your cloth according to what you can afford and in your current situation that isn't Boden and Waitrose I'm afraid.

thethoughtfox · 22/02/2017 12:55

OP, they sell the Yeo Valley organic sugar free yoghurts in Tesco. I alternate and get a Waitrose once or two a month and a big Tesco shop once a month for household, non-fresh items and some of the wider selection of organic toddler snacks etc that Waitrose has a smaller selection of.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 22/02/2017 12:57

I live 170 miles away from a Waitrose and so far I e not killed my children. I also don't buy kids yogurts buy plain and add fruit. I even bought little plastic pots for packed lunches. Much less waste as well. I am fortunate now that I can food shop and not count the pennies but I also choose not to be wasteful. I buy all my washing powder, hand soap etc from Costco and can feed 2 adults and 3 children on £50-60 a week with the odd loaf of bread or bunch of bananas bought through the week by meal planning. It is your belief that other supermarkets don't have the same things as Waitrose and it makes you look like the snob rather than your mother. My dc are also dressed in things from Boden to supermarkets own with everything in between. They all look lovely.
I agree with the poster that said even if it were other luxuries you'd have to downgrade them. It's not because your priorities are different it's because there can be cuts made you are just choosing not to do them. Several years ago when my first marriage broke down I had no internet had to get rid of the car and had to move house because I just couldn't afford them. I wasn't spending my money on iPhones and sky packages either, I had those things before but they had to go. You don't have those things so the things that have to go is the £150 a week shop in Waitrose and Boden for the dc. It may be a shock right now but I agree with your mother.

OfftheCuff · 22/02/2017 12:58

I feel sick at the thought of discount food though

Here, have this Biscuit

Trunkisareshite · 22/02/2017 12:59

I use my microwave pretty much daily. I am DOOMED! Dies

OP you sound like a wanker.

OnionKnight · 22/02/2017 13:00

Why is Mumsnet obsessed with Boden BTW? Nobody I know in real life gives a shiny shite about it.

babybarrister · 22/02/2017 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DairyingLass · 22/02/2017 13:02

Speaking as an organic producer, in your shoes I definitely wouldn't buy organic/ premium food if losing my house was a very real threat!
Make some adjustments now to your grocery and clothes shopping, then by all means go back to Waitrose once your situation improves.

ArcheryAnnie · 22/02/2017 13:03

babybarrister MNHQ have confirmed that this poster isn't a troll.

Chippednailvarnishing · 22/02/2017 13:03

I'm a bit confused. If your DH isn't currently working why isn't he off sourcing palm oil free and non-scratchy cheaper clothes ?

I think you should watch the hunger games and then go hunting in the woodlands behind your house, then you could have free range, locally sourced meat, and your Mil could keep her hard earned cash...

Aeroflotgirl · 22/02/2017 13:08

If you are real, when you loose your job and need to borrow money, you cannot be fussy with your food.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/02/2017 13:08

Go bin skimming at the back of Waitrose, you might find discount veg.

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