Lending money with conditions

[p5oebe]

Dh has been made redundant (bloody brexit) & frantically searching for another job but its really difficult as his work is very specific. I work but low paid & we have a max mortgage that we can only afford with his salary. I also have two pre schoolers at home.

Dm has very kindly offered to tide us over if it comes to that, they are very well off & adore the grandkids & extremely generous with gifts for them etc

The only thing is she has insisted we stop shopping at Waitrose, Boden & our favourite shops basically she is a reverse snob (?) and doesnt miss an opportunity to tell me what a waste Waitrose is. I am very particular about food & what the kids eat. We dont have a freezer or microwave & i find it so much easier to shop fresh somewhere i trust. I spend approx £150 a week for the four of us.
We hardly drink & rarely buy clothes for dh & I but obviously the kids need new clothes regularly. She's basically said i don't want you to waste my money!

OP you are a snob

A massive snob in fact

Good food is food no matter where it comes from

We shop at Sainsbury's but we can afford to. If I needed to cut back, I would have no problem shopping at Aldi.

Lol @Sarah Vine

OP you seem to have completely confused living ethically/healthily with living expensively. They are not the same thing at all. Buy ethical by all means, I try to do this whenever I can, but that means looking beyond labels and branding and using your head.

I hope your DH finds a new job soon and that you learn from this experience. Maybe you'll look back and be glad your mind was opened to the big wide world beyond Waitrose.

YABU. Do as your mum asks if you want her money. If not, don't.
I shop in waitrose, Aldi and the farmers' market. They are all good for different things.

Ok. The food for the 3 year old today.

Breakfast
'Pink porridge' aka porridge with a few frozen raspberries in it.
A slice of my toast he pinched off me

Snack
Banana

Lunch.
Lentil dhal and rice. Dahl made from lentils, tinned chopped tomatoes, onion and spices.

Tea tonight.
Sausage and bean casserole
98% pork sausages, a can of mixed beans, can tomatoes, carrot, onion, mushrooms and a celery stick.

The whole lot with the exception of the red lentils and rice (we buy the lentils in 5kg sacks and the rice in 20kg sacks from the Indian supermarket) came from lidl.

Total cost for a family of 4- about £6 quid give or take a few pence. And no palm oil or sweeteners near it.

That's nice tigers

Wrong thread perchance?

😂

Hopefully you are posting from a place of panic and once you calm down, you will realise that your mother is being perfectly fair to not want to lend/give you more than necessary. It is a hugely generous thing to offer to bail you out and the least you can do its to modify your eating and clothing habits.
I personally agree that I prefer Waitrose etc, but found my shopping bills were getting out of control and I wanted to save more for an upcoming large expenditure. So I have switched to Tesco and cut our typical food bill from over £100 a week to around £50 without feeling like we are eating 'crap'. I have always cooked from scratch which means you avoid all the additives etc. I have tried the Aldi/Lidl options but can't always get all the ingredients for what I want to cook. I also do it all as online orders with meal planning so that I am not tempted to pick up extra treats that I have not budgeted for.
Plenty of people here have offered good advice, you will just need to take a deep breath, get over your snobbery (not your mum's reverse snobbery, this is you that needs to adjust, not her), put your hard hat on to wade through the understandable shit that had been thrown at you on here, and find the tips you can make use of.

Ignore me tigers

I read the first half of your post and thought is was meant for the 'what do you feed your boys' thread that I am also on

I suppose the bottom line is that the OP needs to decide whether to take the money or not. If she's not prepared to abide by the conditions, then she needn't take the money.

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira

I no Cara but I thot you wudnt resist the bum lip reply.

A bit naughty, but very worth it!
grin

(Now I'll go work!)

Yeah riiiiiight. I am not convinced.

catinboots It isn't the 'wrong thread'. Tigers was showing the OP how to shop/cook for a good price without resorting to Waitrose or microwaves!

OP - sorry to burst that bubble, BUT Waitrose use aspartame too! Source - I shop there, and have to label check. My ex-H went blind from a condition linked to aspartame poisoning. I'm bloody careful.
Also, they have a very poor range of fluoride free toothpaste, so I usually go elsewhere for that.
Aldi have far superior cooked meat, significantly better wine, and sell organic too.
They also sell incredibly good dishwasher tablets at a quarter of the price of 'brands'. Check the store to see how many items have received awards, after comparison with other brands.
I often do a big monthly Aldi shop, then use Ocado for weekly deliveries of other items. I have found it cost effective to get seasonal organic veg/fruit boxes too.
I guarantee that I am more picky than you are. This is why I use several stores.
Also, I take advantage of people who throw huge amounts of cash at clothes, then pass them unworn to charity shops. My kids wear All Saints, Boden, Catamini, Converse etc. Those clothes cost me the same as Primark stuff, because I know where to buy them. I am insanely skilled at tracking down gems on EBay.
I wear Miu Miu, McQueen, Marni, Alexander Wang etc. My Sister buys clothes in cheap stores for higher prices. She turns her nose up at clothes purchased by person 'A', and donated complete with tags.
My lifestyle is cost effective, environmentally conscious, and takes full advantage of rich fools.
You need to get smarter and open your mind OP.

OP you need to get a better paid job love. If your husband is out of work there should be no problem with childcare.

OP your post made me laugh because we're not long in a financial position to shop at Asda and Tesco and I thought that was posh 😂
On a serious note though, feel free to shop where you want if you're paying. If someone else is footing your food/clothes/shopping bill smile and say "thank you very much". Shop around, and stop being so precious. That's not intended as an insult, it's genuine advice. And when you do have an income again? Save. Times like this prove you need to if you are able.

OP you need to get a better paid job love

Waitrose have a great staff discount.

Ok, so I do make the lentils huge batch at a time, freeze in portions and reheat when needed.
However you don't necessarily need a microwave to reheat frozen food. In a pan or in the oven works just as well

These threads are only funny when it's subtle, and there aren't glaring plot holes like someone who's scared of aspartame but wants sugar-free yoghurts.

The OP just hasnt had her lightbulb moment yet, I hope that it happens before they end up in serious financial trouble.
We all have things that we feel are part of who we are - where we shop, the brands we buy (or are proud about NOT buying), the things we do and places we go all define who we think we are.
The OP clearly firmly thinks of herself as a "waitrose fresh food every day" person, and that was fine while her income allowed her to indulge that. The issue comes when continuing to do what you PREFER to do is beyond what your income will allow.

The thing is you either borrow the money with the conditions or you refuse it and visi food banks. You don't have s magical third option.

I shop at Waitrose, I do so with my own money. If I was borrowing to do so, I would shop elsewhere without even being asked . A free range chicken from Asda is as good as a free range chicken from Waitrose, and there is no difference in the fresh veg.

I don't get the fetishisation of Waitrose. If you buy fresh and know your stuff, then you can tell quality from anywhere. And really, what's the difference between a kilo of carrots from Waitrose, ASDA, Lidl or the local market? There's no difference between butter from different shops/brands, if it's butter. Ditto so many basic foodstuffs.

If you can tell if something's not off, and if you're not buying processed rubbish, but cooking from scratch, then you can choose quite easily in any supermarket.

And to insist that Boden is better quality than somewhere else - really? I don't see it - again, it's about having the knowledge to know what you're buying. Primark do perfectly good 100% cotton T-shirts, underpants, etc. And if you're so handy and a SAHM, why aren't you making your own & the children's clothes?

Yes, bluntness you've said what I was trying to say. With fresh food, and staples, there's no difference! A Waitrose brand carrot is much the same as an ASDA brand carrot.

In Germany, the factories that process food for Aldi make those foods alongside the brand name foods, in the same factories. Most Germans realise that they are the same products.

I am taking your points on board.
I guess its convenience too, Waitrose is nearest, I can get everything I want in one shop & clothes I buy online.
Anyway good suggestions, thanks

Plot holes

basically she is a reverse snob (?)

Sorry, stuck at you spending £600+ a month just on food

Your MIL is probably rightly aghast at your extravagance. You could have cut £200 a month off that easily and built up a nice nest egg so you don't have to turn to the bank of m&d when times are hard.

If this isn't a wind up OP you need to have a serious look at your spending and priorities. You are getting such a hard time because it's farcical anyone would live like this.

It's all well and good wanting the best for your kids, but a lack of sensible family financial planning stands to harm them rather more than the occasional microwaved meal.