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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think thank you cards for every baby gift a bit much?

291 replies

likeacrow · 21/02/2017 08:28

I might be. Or lazy. But we've had loads of little token gifts already and baby clothes, which is so lovely and generous but do we then do a thank you card for everybody? We've done them for our respective parents who've bought big items for us but do we include every colleague who has, for instance, given a cute jumper reduced in the sale or a pair of booties on offer?
I've never expected a thank you card when I've given little token presents like baby clothes to friends and I'm not just saying that to justify me not doing it! I've just always found a verbal thank you sufficient
Especially from sleep deprived new parents.
One of my best friends however thinks I should do personalised thank you cards for everyone who's given anything. She doesn't have kids. She's made it very clear she wants a card with a photo of the baby (when born) to say thank you for the outfit she bought us plus personalised message.

We've not even had (our first) baby yet btw!
Genuinely interested in opinions and approaches here as personally I think thank you cards for every last token gift is a bit much.

OP posts:
WhaleOfATale · 21/02/2017 12:18

Planned to
Grateful
Whatsapp

Stupid phone!

Waddlelikeapenguin · 21/02/2017 12:26

I did. I think it would be very rude not to acknowledge the kindness shown by others but I don't think it has to be a card - email/text is fine by me.

mineallmine · 21/02/2017 12:28

Yes I really think you should send thank you cards for each and every present. Presents of baby clothes, whether bought at sale price or not, are not 'token' presents, they're presents and deserve a proper thank you.

Being tired is no excuse imo. Babies sleep loads, it's your first, there's no other children to look after. They don't have to be picture cards, just buy a stack of baby thank you cards and stamps and have a stock message for each card so you do not have to think what to write. How long does that take to do?

I definitely would be a bit Hmm about someone not sending a thank you card. It's just good manners.

TheLegendOfBeans · 21/02/2017 12:38

mineallmine

In all honesty, did you do this? How did you manage?

Genuinely intrigued and not being confrontational, I've got #2 on the way so scouting for tips.

SquedgieBeckenheim · 21/02/2017 12:40

We didn't do thank you notes for presents received when DD was born, we just did verbal thank you's. We did thank you cards for wedding presents when we got married, and do thank you cards for DD birthday and Christmas gifts.
MIL wanted us to photograph DD in every outfit her friends and relatives bought for her some of which were hideous and send the photo's to the individual. By the time DD fitted into most of the outfits they weren't seasonally appropriate and/or I'd forgotten who had bought them!
I don't expect thank you notes, but was put out when I bought a very expensive gift for a friends DD's naming day and didn't get even a verbal thank you. To this day I don't even know if she got it!

fatmummy87 · 21/02/2017 13:01

I think statements like this are really not helpful. No wonder the rate of depression is so high in new mothers when there is so much pressure on them.

Being tired is no excuse imo. Babies sleep loads, it's your first, there's no other children to look after.

I had a baby that had facial injuries due to his delivery. I was desperate to breastfeed. Every 2 hours I would have to take my top and bra off, strip him to a nappy to try and encourage him to latch on. Most times he wouldn't latch or would fall off without filling himself up which would mean I'd have to give him a bottle of expressed milk then hook myself up to the breast pump for up to 30 minutes. I would get maybe 30-60 minutes in between to shower / eat / Sleep. This went on for weeks and weeks until he refused to latch at all and would only take a bottle so I continued to pump for him for 3 months. Am I excused from writing thank you letters / cards? If I thought any of my friends and family were judging me at that time for not sending them a card then I'd rather not have their present or their company.

Gottagetmoving · 21/02/2017 13:10

No one should have to send a thank you card.
You can thank people in person when they give a gift or by text or phone call.
Cards are just a rip off that are totally unnecessary.

twobarnsmammisonthebus · 21/02/2017 13:39

YABU, and I find your attitude a little sad and unpleasant tbh. People buy within their means, and I have feel quite upset to think that a present given out of kindness is being secretly judged by the new parent as a 'token' which is not worth saying thank you for. For me, thank you cards for baby things are one of the occasions you ought to do a card (wedding being another as PP have said). Make a note in a notebook or phone of who gave what when you open it, and either bulk buy cards and stamps in advance or get some printed afterwards and try to send the cards as you go along. Obviously, if you and / or the baby are in poor health or exhausted or struggling then looking after yourselves comes first, no question, but no one expects a reply immediately, and in general, I think a card does no harm at all.

VacantExpression · 21/02/2017 13:48

I sent a card to each and every person that sent us a gift, but I am quite organised with these things, quick photo of gift with card when you've opened it reminds you later who sent what.

It might be a helpful task for the new dad to complete while he's off on paternity leave getting on your nerves helping? I'm a bit saddened that pretty much every post on this thread assumes the new mother must write the cards?

minipie · 21/02/2017 13:53

Babies sleep loads Yeah mine did. If held in my arms, or later in a moving pram. Not anywhere else. Thank you cards were waaay down my list after weeing, eating and washing.

I really wish people who come on to say they managed to do X Y Z while they had a newborn would stop to consider that other people's babies might, just might, be different from theirs.

Anyway. Back to the point. I did thank you cards for people who sent gifts. Those who gave them in person, got an in-person thank you. Seems fair enough to me.

I have never understood why a thank you is worth more when it is written down than when it is spoken Confused

Gottagetmoving · 21/02/2017 13:55

If I give a gift I never expect a thank you card. I give a gift, hop ethey like it and then forget about it.
I do know people who are seriously offended if they don't receive one, to the point they tell everyone and never stop complaining about it.

The best thing to do is let the person know when you give the gift, that you expect a thank you card by return...Grin

fatmummy87 · 21/02/2017 14:00

Obviously, if you and / or the baby are in poor health or exhausted or struggling then looking after yourselves comes first, no question, but no one expects a reply immediately, and in general, I think a card does no harm at all.

The problem with this is that not everyone will know how the new mother and baby are. I didn't discuss feeding problems and how I was feeling with anyone except dh, the mw and my own mum a little bit. We had 70 odd baby gifts given to us - no way was I discussing my personal business with all these people.

NennyNooNoo · 21/02/2017 14:04

I always do. For my last baby, I just had a set of 20 identical cards made up from Truprint with a nice photo of the baby on the front and another on the back. Didn't take long to write them with a few personalised comments and I sent / handed them out when she was about 4 weeks old. It had her full name, date of birth and 'thank you' printed on it with a fancy border. I kept one as a keepsake too. I think older people in particular appreciate it. When I have given people new baby presents, I have usually received a thank you card although I don't expect it.

twobarnsmammisonthebus · 21/02/2017 14:04

Fair point fatmummy87, I can see what you're saying.

madeleinecreek · 21/02/2017 14:13

I did thank yous instead of birth announcement cards. There's no hurry though, I think we did them about 3/4 months in.

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 14:14

twobarnsmammisonthebus of course it does no harm, but that doesn't mean it's necessary. When I've bought my friends token gifts I haven't expected a card, I've appreciated the verbal thank you and sometimes a picture message. When I have received cards I've been surprised. If that makes you sad so be it!

OP posts:
Orangebird69 · 21/02/2017 14:15

Touchnote is your friend. Grin

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 14:16

Birth announcement cards? Oh Jesus, don't say that's a thing too?! That will NOT be happening. People will get a text and like it. Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 14:20

twobarnsmammisonthebus I didn't say it wasn't worth saying thank you though did I, if you actually read what I said, as opposed to making it up in your head.

OP posts:
Somerville · 21/02/2017 14:22

There are technological solutions for those who get dozens of gifts for the baby and can't keep up with that amount of written thank you's. Email or text with a photo, or printing up a generic thank you for everything. I think that is significantly better than nothing.

Personally I've never recieved more than about 20 gifts and yes, would always send a thank you letter. But then again I send a birth announcement so if the gift came before that it would be included in the envelope.

maamalady · 21/02/2017 14:49

We sent handwritten thank you cards plus photos of ours - all sent by the time baby was 3-4 months, I didn't break myself trying to do them really quickly. DD1's were a bit more personalised, and more birth-announcementy. DD2's were more "just get them written" as I obviously had less time!

Sending thank you cards feels like the done thing to me, and I love receiving them from friends and family when I send gifts.

BeMorePanda · 21/02/2017 15:02

When you give a gift - you GIVE something nice to another person, because you want to.

If you expect a TY card from them (like so many here do) then what you are actually giving another person is a gift loaded with an obligation/duty to respond to you in a way you prescribe is socially acceptable (but so many others don't), by sending you a TY card.

Geeze - its just horrible & weird to do this to people.

twobarnsmammisonthebus · 21/02/2017 15:12

No OP, you didn't say that, but that's the message that's coming through from your posts. Perhaps it's inadvertent....

TheLegendOfBeans · 21/02/2017 15:13

BeMorePanda has it bang on.

We were absolutely inundated when DD arrived. It was like the second coming of Christ himself. We had just moved into a new street and everyone - and I mean everyone - even the postie - got DD something.

Nice yeah? For the first 10 gifts or so.

Day after a day would pass and just as DD latched "KNOCK KNOCK" another neighbour, or the postie with a parcel or a well meaning neighbour just "seeing how we were".

I firmly believe that all that going on + CS + inability to BF right = whopping PNA.

I'm sure someone will say "oooh you ungrateful cow" but it was awful as we couldn't remember who'd given what and we were scared of offending new neighbours and being the ungrateful twats of the street.

It was really awful.

Anyway, don't let me derail any longer Grin

pinkish · 21/02/2017 15:25

I don't remember getting many - I would have said thank you to everyone but probably would only have sent cards to older relatives. My kids always send thank yous.

Sent a gift to a Dn's new baby and never had a thank you. A text would have been nice. I think I'm less likely to send further gifts because of it tbh.