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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think thank you cards for every baby gift a bit much?

291 replies

likeacrow · 21/02/2017 08:28

I might be. Or lazy. But we've had loads of little token gifts already and baby clothes, which is so lovely and generous but do we then do a thank you card for everybody? We've done them for our respective parents who've bought big items for us but do we include every colleague who has, for instance, given a cute jumper reduced in the sale or a pair of booties on offer?
I've never expected a thank you card when I've given little token presents like baby clothes to friends and I'm not just saying that to justify me not doing it! I've just always found a verbal thank you sufficient
Especially from sleep deprived new parents.
One of my best friends however thinks I should do personalised thank you cards for everyone who's given anything. She doesn't have kids. She's made it very clear she wants a card with a photo of the baby (when born) to say thank you for the outfit she bought us plus personalised message.

We've not even had (our first) baby yet btw!
Genuinely interested in opinions and approaches here as personally I think thank you cards for every last token gift is a bit much.

OP posts:
Rufus27 · 21/02/2017 09:57

Must add, for a few people we took a picture of DS wearing what they'd bought and emailed it which they really appreciated. Younger friends and colleagues were fine with this but GP and older friends definitely preferred traditional thank you cards.

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 09:58

Rufus27 I don't know about that necessarily. It doesn't take long to grab an item of baby clothing in the supermarket alongside the weekly shop & give it to someone at work.

OP posts:
BeMorePanda · 21/02/2017 10:04

I never send thank you cards - it's just a way to create a bunch of unnecessary rubbish which the planet can ill afford.

If someone gives me a gift I say thank you and show appreciation at the time. Sometimes I might follow up with a text. Or if is is clothes for child/baby, I will text or email a photo of them wearing it. If someone sends me a gift by post, I will call or text to say thank you. A card is completely unnecessary.

I think sending thank you cards is a very English thing - some people seem to be very obsessive about it.

EssentialHummus · 21/02/2017 10:04

like I think the point is that someone is thinking of you and taking the time and money to buy the thing. I don't see the relevance of it being from the supermarket (or reduced in price).

BeMorePanda · 21/02/2017 10:05

the thought someone would sit waiting for post and be annoyed at not getting a card is beyond me. Though I have only heard of it on MN!
Indeed Grin

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 10:07

EssentialHummus Which is lovely and which is why I thank them and will text a pic when the time comes. I was making the point that it's not as time consuming as a personalised thank you card would be. Therefore when I've given such gifts I've not expected a thank you card in return and would find it unnecessary.

OP posts:
BeaveredBadgered · 21/02/2017 10:11

I did with my DD but I'm hardly sat by the letter box waiting for personalised thank yous for gifts I've sent. I think a text, email or thank you at the time is enough.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 21/02/2017 10:13

I just don't get the 'thank you card' fetish on MN.

It's a waste of paper, stamps and everything in this day and age to keep thanking people via card, when you could do something much nicer, which is personally call them, thank them in person or email/text a quick note.

There's nothing courteous about clogging up people's houses with cards, and I never keep one unless it has a nice baby picture on it and even then it may go in the bin after a period of time.

It's like thank you cards for children's birthday presents, totally unnecessary if you have looked the person in the eye and thanked them.

The only time I would send a thank you is if for some reason I was sent something and I couldn't see/talk to the person for ages, but that never happens as I see/talk to most of my friends through some medium within a reasonable time frame.

I also hardly ever receive thank you cards except for wedding gifts (and I really don't care if I get them either). So, I'm guessing a lot of people are like me.

Once I hand over the gift I think 'job done' and move on. I don't want recognition days or weeks later like I did some amazing thing.

Westworld · 21/02/2017 10:14

No need to be so sarky to Koala OP when you don't like what she has to say.
Reduced or not, friends and family took time out of their busy lives to buy presents.
I think every present, no matter how small, deserves a thank you card.
We had to send out 80 for our first child!

EssentialHummus · 21/02/2017 10:21

Which is lovely and which is why I thank them and will text a pic when the time comes. I was making the point that it's not as time consuming as a personalised thank you card would be. Therefore when I've given such gifts I've not expected a thank you card in return and would find it unnecessary.

It's really up to you. I think you'd be wildly unreasonable to say "reduced booties from Asda = text with pic"; "hamper from Fortnums = thank you card". I.e. to me, differentiating on the basis of the value of the gift/how difficult you perceive it was to buy, is terrible. Texts for everyone, fine; cards for everyone, fine.

If I were you (I'm actually pregnant, so it's not all too theoretical) I'd get nice, small cards and envelopes in, bulk-buy 2nd class stamps and plan to write "Dear John and Susan, Thank you so much for the lovely X, it's great! Love from us all". Or something equally short and not too time-consuming. If you're not superstitious, you can start on them now. Or pay a bit more and use an online service.

Enidblyton1 · 21/02/2017 10:22

I think it's rather nice to send a phone pic of your baby wearing the gifted item and a thank you text (especially if it's a spur of the moment gift from a colleague).

But I also recommend ordering a job lot of little cards with a photo of your baby on. They don't have to cost very much (one of my friends recently printed one the size of a small book mark). Then you only need to say a few words of thanks. And it doesn't matter if you send them 2-3 months after the birth.
I tend to stick these cards on the side of my fridge for a while and they usually have the date of birth on so it's a useful reminder for birthdays (for yet more presents and thank you cards...eek!). Just kidding - I definitely don't buy birthday presents for friends children unless they are very close ones!

Redglitter · 21/02/2017 10:26

If you've thanked the person in person I don't see the need for a card. If you've received a present via someone else like your mum's neighbour has sent something then yes you should send one

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 10:39

It's not that I'm differentiating by gift. We've only done thank you cards for our respective parents as they've bought so much it's helped us out hugely financially. We wanted to express that with something they could keep. Everyone else we have just thanked in person and if it's someone I haven't seen, ie they've given the item to my husband or to someone else to pass on, I've sent a thank you text. I suppose I just feel in this day & age there's nothing wrong with a verbal thank you & text message opposed to a card.

OP posts:
Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 10:40

Westworld Well good for you! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 10:47

In actual fact I always do the follow up thank you text as well as the verbal thank you, just because I want them to know I really do appreciate it. They also get a cuddle. Lucky buggers.

OP posts:
Brollsdolls · 21/02/2017 10:50

I did write cards (right after hosting my eldest child's birthday tea, the day after giving birth - true story). We did personalised cards from photobox with a few baby pics with name, birthdate and weight etc included. You could pre-print a generic message and just write in the names to make things easier. Or a thank you text with a photo would probably work just as well tbh.

BeMorePanda · 21/02/2017 10:58

We had to send out 80 for our first child!

KittysMyName · 21/02/2017 11:27

YABVU! These people have taken the time out to buy you a present and you can't be bothered to do Thank You cards?? And as for calling babygros and other clothes "token gifts" WOW! How much would a "friend" have to spend to warrant a Thank You card from you?

BeMorePanda · 21/02/2017 11:46

Kitty do you realise you sound kind of ...... deranged?

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 11:46

KittysMyName Over £50. Yawn. Read my previous responses.

OP posts:
Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 21/02/2017 12:00

But why do you need a written card saying 'thank you' instead of a verbal thank you? I agree not thanking people is rude, but why the formality?

Christmas cards seemed to have died a death, I'm just hoping excessive 'thank you'ing will go the same way.

WhispersOnTheWind · 21/02/2017 12:05

If you already have received gifts, send a thank you note now, send them as you go along, same with brides who get gifts before the wedding. You can get some cheap notelets. You're the one putting the pressure on yourself; waiting to get the professional photo cards done (that no one wants) and then you're faced with a daunting mountain of them to do. People just want an acknowledgment you've received the gift and like it; if they've gone to the trouble of getting you something the least you can do is spend a couple of minutes writing a short note to express your appreciation. An email is perfectly acceptable too as long as it's a one to one not a mass "thanks everyone".

TheLegendOfBeans · 21/02/2017 12:13

I didn't. I sent texts immediately as soon as the gift was opened as anymore time afterwards would lead to me forgetting who sent what and crediting the wrong person with the wrong gift.

This is your first baby. You're going to feel like you've been in a plane crash first few weeks. I think others are VU to expect a lovely handwritten thank you hit with pic of baby holding gift.

Open the gift, put it on/around baby, send picture message to chum saying "he/she is delighted with [thing], thanks so much".

Anyone without a smart phone maybe then send a nice card but don't die on the cross about it.

Vistaprint suggestion v good, pic of baby, "Thanks for everything" as a message, delegate the execution of it to DP/DH, boom - done. And to me that's going above and beyond.

Wish I'd thought of it.

TheLegendOfBeans · 21/02/2017 12:14

Ps: crediting the wrong person with the wrong gift also happened for my DDs first birthday last week. People understand. Don't put the pressure on xx

WhaleOfATale · 21/02/2017 12:14

We planned too and wrote a list of all presents we got pre-birth so we knew who had got what. The intention was to take photos of baby wearing/using each item and do a personalised thank you card but unfortunately this didn't happen. We got so many presents (which we were obviously extremely great fuel for) that we just didn't know where to start. Add in the sleep deprivation, some clothes being newborn and some being 9-12mths, it would have taken us at least 9mths to get everyone's thank you cards out with a photo (and we have the type of family that if one person gets a card they want to know why everyone hasn't got one which would have meant sending everyone's card out at 9mth+).

We settled for sending everyone a photo (either on what's app/email/ etc) saying thank you when baby had worn item so it was personalised but not in print. We obviously also said thank you in person/by phone when we received the gift.

Baby is now 7mths old and we are still in the process of saying thank you for birth presents (but we did send out thank you cards for Xmas presents without photos)