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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think thank you cards for every baby gift a bit much?

291 replies

likeacrow · 21/02/2017 08:28

I might be. Or lazy. But we've had loads of little token gifts already and baby clothes, which is so lovely and generous but do we then do a thank you card for everybody? We've done them for our respective parents who've bought big items for us but do we include every colleague who has, for instance, given a cute jumper reduced in the sale or a pair of booties on offer?
I've never expected a thank you card when I've given little token presents like baby clothes to friends and I'm not just saying that to justify me not doing it! I've just always found a verbal thank you sufficient
Especially from sleep deprived new parents.
One of my best friends however thinks I should do personalised thank you cards for everyone who's given anything. She doesn't have kids. She's made it very clear she wants a card with a photo of the baby (when born) to say thank you for the outfit she bought us plus personalised message.

We've not even had (our first) baby yet btw!
Genuinely interested in opinions and approaches here as personally I think thank you cards for every last token gift is a bit much.

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WayfaringStranger · 21/02/2017 15:30

Interesting how some people get all uppity about other people sending thank you cards. Why?! Grin I send them, I don't expect them or even particularly care if I get one back.. I do get a bit Hmm if I send a wedding or birthday present and I don't get an acknowledgement, mostly because I want to know it gets there. I have family in various places, some abroad.

sallylondon · 21/02/2017 15:52

Could you have a stack of preprinted cards made up, with a photo, baby's vital statistics and the words "Thank you for the baby gift" - so you could just address and envelope them as the gifts were received. I do think it's bad manners not to acknowledge a gift, particularly if you don't see the giver to thank them in person.

maamalady · 21/02/2017 16:06

Just to clarify - I didn't send thank you cards because people expected them, and I don't expect them when I send gifts. However, I love receiving them myself, so by sending thank you cards I feel like I'm passing that feeling on. Hearing how new babies/parents are getting on is lovely, especially if you don't see them often.

With family I often get to hear through the grapevine that thank you cards and photos have made someone's day, so I have a lot of incentive to send them.

oliversmummy26 · 21/02/2017 16:12

I sent thank you cards for everything we received for DS which was wrapped, so the giver had made an effort too. My mum and some other family members were constantly giving us things which they'd picked up in sainsburys/m&s or wherever and thought would be good for baby, probably most of the time in the sale.

However they also gave us new baby wrapped gifts when the baby had been born. These were clearly "congratulations on having a baby" presents and so everyone who sent us a present, usually with a new baby card, received a thank you note. I think if they've taken the time to wrap it, write and card and either visit or post it, then the least they deserve is a thank you letter.

It took me sodding ages and DS was probably at least 4 months old, but I printed some A6 size postcards with picture of DS on the front, full name, date of birth, weight etc. and wrote a personalised message on the back. I will do the same for this baby, but it make take me a while again! Smile

Somerville · 21/02/2017 16:20

Those saying that expecting a thank you means giving an obligation... On that logic every time I hold a door open for someone I'm also giving them an obligation. Saying thank you really only takes a few seconds and I think a verbal thank you is fine when you're given a new baby gift if you don't fancy sending a written thank you.

When I do think it is pretty essential is when the gift has arrived in the post and you won't be seeing the person to thank them. Again, a text or phone call would be fine if writing is too onerous for the parents. It's awkward when you've posted something and don't hear that it has arrived and whether to chase up because did they not actually like it or whatever.

Grenoble124 · 21/02/2017 16:24

Yes of course! We did personalised cards. Couldn't get over people's generosity. There wasn't a price limit on who we thanked. Took a few months but so rude not to imo.

I gave a baby present before and didn't even get a proper thank you. So rude.

emsler · 21/02/2017 16:46

Well, from the opposite side of the coin, there's no way I would expect a thank you card from a new mum! That said, my best friend did lovely (generic) postcards with a photo of baby on the front - the text literally just said "Thank you so much for my beautiful gift" etc etc with some info about the baby, so everyone got the same one; it only took her 10 mins to set up and it was lovely. But it's a pricey thing to do when you have a newborn.

I don't give gifts with the expectation of a thank you card, especially from a new mum, and I think it's rude to do so. I think saying thank you in person / on the phone / via text is quite sufficient. And I say that as someone who is pretty meticulous about doing thank you cards herself!

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 17:32

twobarnsmammisonthebus I think I've make it abundantly clear that I say thank you, text thank you, hug thank you, for all gifts, but think a thank you card is unnecessary. Perhaps you just can't read carefully.

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twobarnsmammisonthebus · 21/02/2017 17:57

Perhaps not

twobarnsmammisonthebus · 21/02/2017 18:01

My point is really that if you're thanking with a card, then all presents should get the card, regardless of size / value. Obviously if as you are saying friends drop by with a few bits from the supermarket and so on and then give you more after baby is born etc, you've no need to give a card each time, just one when baby is here, but it seems a little off to do cards for some givers / gifts and not for others...

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 18:12

twobarnsmammisonthebus As I've said in a previous post, thank you cards for our parents as they've helped us out with big value items we would have struggled to afford on our own, everyone else has been thanked without cards.

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twobarnsmammisonthebus · 21/02/2017 18:19

Then you're really asking if you need to do cards at all then, if I understood you correctly? Your OP read as though you would do cards for big presents (i.e. the ones you've mentioned from your folks) and 'proper presents', but not token presents. My view remains the same, the same 'level' of thank you for all gifts, and ideally this would be cards.

Shall I rock the boat further by wondering what you will give the midwives as a thank you?

hearyoume · 21/02/2017 18:23

I've had 2 babies and I've sent a personalised thank you card to everyone who gave us something. It's rude not to and I think poorly of people who don't.

honeylulu · 21/02/2017 18:40

Another vote for preprinted cards with photo of baby on. I signed then all personally but there wasn't room to write much else.

Vinorosso74 · 21/02/2017 18:44

We did thank yous to people who had posted presents/vouchers. If people brought a present over when they visited we'd thank them there and then.

Heirhelp · 21/02/2017 18:46

The people who say it is rude not to post personalised thank you, would you say that to some one who had a emergency majorly surgery with readmissions and narrowly avoided ITU? This is the birth experience of some pregnant some.

Xmasbaby11 · 21/02/2017 18:48

I made up baby announcement cards and sent them out to everyone who gave us a present - probably 30 or 40? I really like sending cards so it seemed normal to me but I don't expect others to send cards.

Tabbylady · 21/02/2017 18:52

I recently sent a wee gift to a friend with a newborn who lives far away
I got a lovely photograph of their new family back with a pre printed "thank you for the gift", my name and then a short personalised note. I am well aware they'll be utterly shattered and have no objection to generic cards and not getting an effusive letter of thanks. The photo is lovely and is now stuck up on the fridge.

In short - I think a brief note of thanks is enough and a pic is great. Your friends took the time and care to choose a gift and it's nice to thank them

LillianGish · 21/02/2017 18:59

Use common sense. If you see the giver and they see you open the gift then just say thank you. Otherwise you can probably just text the majority of people - I have certain people I always send a card to (stickler Aunts etc) - or send an email and attach a pic. I think if someone has posted something to you - however small and cheap - then it's a common courtesy to let them know it has arrived and say thanks. I also think it's nice if people have sent clothes to maybe take a quick snap when baby is wearing them and send via text or email. I love getting a printed card with a pic of the baby, but certainly don't expect it and if you can't get round to it/can't afford it then don't beat yourself up. But do always say thank you - otherwise it's just rude.

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 19:01

Absolutely will not be buying midwives presents! Please say this is a joke and not a thing.

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twobarnsmammisonthebus · 21/02/2017 19:02

Nope :-) For our DD we took a big gift bag with chocolates, bubble baths etc for the midwives to share, but admittedly we just sent a card when we had our DS. Not everyone does of course but it's not uncommon!

BreezyThursday · 21/02/2017 19:03

Anyone who sent us a gift/card got a 'thankyou' picture card of newborn back (printed at Asda, stuck on blank cards). I would have felt guilty not acknowledging (and not all senders have mobiles/email).

Whilst it's entirely one's choice, I'm surprised at the number of people suggesting cards are an unreasonable demand or only for 'good' presents. It's not something you have to do regularly (and noone will mind if it takes a while)!

BreezyThursday · 21/02/2017 19:04

I will admit to feeling guilty for not acknowledging hospital staff better with a personal card though - we were in a while and just wanted to get out and sort of figured they were doing their job...

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 19:05

To be honest it was a rhetorical question, I was interested in other people's approaches but imo a thank you card for every gift is unnecessary. I'm totally comfortable with a verbal thank you and a picture message/email and it's all I would expect when giving a baby gift.

OP posts:
Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 19:06

twobarnsmammisonthebus Jeeze. Will not be doing that. They can have a hug instead! Smile

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