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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so angry

132 replies

iluvshoes · 21/02/2017 07:22

OK my son is in bed I'll feeling sick and dizzy when he stands up. I went in to work yesterday and my mum covered. Need to take today off so called work. They've told me to leave him in bed and go in!?!

OP posts:
helpmebuystuff · 21/02/2017 11:28

What is taking the mick? Your teenager inconveniently having a vomiting bug?

Asparagusupmynose · 21/02/2017 11:32

Well, I'm glad you aren't in a role telling parents they have to find some magical child care that appears when their child is sick. It doesn't exist everywhere. I know some people have nannies on standby, but most employers don't pay the kind of wages that allow that. That is why the law says you need time off for emergencies, including sick children. A child that can't get out of bed can't and shouldn't be left.

Bluntness100 · 21/02/2017 11:33

Op you posted the same thing at the beginning of December how you were off as your son was sick then too and you'd used up all your holiday and your work was getting upset about it and calling you so there is maybe more to their reaction this time? Difficult situation all round I suspect.

bunnylove99 · 21/02/2017 13:41

I think we might be in danger of exaggerating the situation here. OP's son isn't throwing up everywhere with a vomiting bug and too ill to get out of bed, she says he feels sick and dizzy when he gets up. I have a teenage son who often presents like this when unwell. I have left him himself and gone out to work, leaving him with phone next to bed, water, books etc. He was fine as just wanted to rest. I phoned frequently to check he wasn't any worse. Sure it's not ideal but it's family working life. Had I thought he was very ill or at all distressed I would have taken annual leave no hesitation.

grannytomine · 21/02/2017 14:08

I had time off when my kids were sick at times, my staff had time off when kids were sick but what is taking the mick is just expecting employers to have strategies for dealing with it without accepting that parents need to have strategies as well.

Three lots of absence in what six months for a 13 year old? That is alot, most teenagers can be left for at least part of the day. Maybe this time he can't but on all occasions? Most parents taking time off are for younger children. Perhaps the OPs employer thinks that have made alot of concessions in 13 years and they are expecting OP to be a bit more proactive. As I said before if you meet employers halfway you get a better response. If its always, "I'm taking the day off" then people will get tired of it. Certainly colleagues without children will.

As I said before if you come with an offer rather than a demand it goes along way e.g. I can't get in this morning but I'm hoping he might be feeling a bit better by lunchtime so if I can I will be in then. Can't you see why that would make a difference?

OP says its a one off but people are quoting previous incidents, she says she hasn't had time off in the past but lets face it that isn't going to be likely in 19 years is it? Particularly when that obviously includes a pregnancy. I haven't gone looking for previous posts so I have no idea if you have posted before but people do seem quite clear about it.

OP if you child has a health problem make sure your employer knows about it, if you can get in for part of a day then do and make sure your childless colleagues don't think you are taking advantage. It can cause alot of resentment and makes things harder for other parents.

Believe me that is constructive advice.

helpmebuystuff · 21/02/2017 15:01

just expecting employers to have strategies for dealing with it without accepting that parents need to have strategies as well

What strategies do you suggest for a single parent with no family support and not enough money to pay for emergency childcare?

helpmebuystuff · 21/02/2017 15:03

make sure your childless colleagues don't think you are taking advantage. It can cause alot of resentment and makes things harder for other parents.

They can get fucked TBH, I have a childless colleague who has had a lot of time off because her mother has had numerous health problems. I pick up a lot of her work as a result. I don't begrudge her it for a second.

It's called empathy.

HeCantBeSerious · 21/02/2017 15:24

That is why the law says you need time off for emergencies, including sick children.

The law gives you the right to time off to deal with an emergency - i.e. to make arrangements for a sick child, not to look after them yourself.

Asparagusupmynose · 21/02/2017 15:33

Hecan'tbeserious- what arrangements? Are we back to the magical childcare that appears. Is it this company that helicopters in cover mothers, at a moments notice, for just over minimum wage? Can you please give me their name? Many working working parents would love to know about this company. Do they cover elderly relatives, many working carers would like this too?
Otherwise we will have to take it that the law means we can stay home with sick children, because there is no alternative.

HeCantBeSerious · 21/02/2017 20:31

Has something happened to the OP's mother overnight? Has she no friends or neighbours that would keep an eye on her son through the day?

I find it hard to believe that a grown adult capable of work would be unable to form any sort of support network around themselves that could be asked to help out once in a while.

The law is clear, the employer is clearly fed up of it. The hassle of work may not be something the OP experiences soon.

diddl · 21/02/2017 21:23

"Has something happened to the OP's mother overnight?"

Perhaps she has work, as might neighbours & friends?

RocketQueenP · 21/02/2017 21:33

Bless him!!! Your work are dick heads !! I would maybe leave a 13 yo for a few hours if they were well I wouldn't if they were that poorly! Tell them to fuck off

Asparagusupmynose · 21/02/2017 22:46

Yes the law is clear "If your child falls ill you could take time off to go to the doctor and make care arrangements. Your employer may then ask you to take annual leave or parental leave if you want to look after your child for longer." cont....."There are no limits on how many times you can take time off for dependants. Your employer may want to talk to you if they think time off is affecting your work."
It doesn't mean they can sack you or force you to leave your child with a random neighbour. Childcare for sick children is not available in most areas of the UK. Parents are expected to do it, that is why the law is here. The government want parents to work, but know that most people don't have an extended family that can take over when a child is sick. Most people work and many live away from their families.

m0therofdragons · 21/02/2017 22:52

All my neighbours and friends work Confused maybe I could hang out round the job centre in my lunch break in an attempt to befriend an unemployed sucker I can call on to keep an eye on my dc when they're ill. Seriously this is bonkers that people do not understand that many of us don't have that kind of support and honestly, when my dc is ill, I want either me or dh to do the caring. My parents are my closest relatives and are 1.5 hours away and both work full time. My brother and I are close emotionally but he lives in Canada. Pil are 4 hours away and as useful as a chocolate teapot.... maybe we should move to a dodgy area as we're more likely to have neighbours at home! Our immediate neighbour on one side moved in the first week of January and I've still not actually met him. Otherside sometimes take in each other's parcels and I do know his name. He's 23 and I'm not sure how he'd take me asking him to watch my sick dc 😂

HeCantBeSerious · 21/02/2017 23:14

That's not your employer's problem.

Parental leave is for children under 5.

Unpaid leave is probably pretty impossible to manage for any length of time. And as it says, an employer may take issue with it if it affects your work (as not being there will tend to do).

SavageBeauty73 · 21/02/2017 23:19

My 11 year old had a weird dizzy bug yesterday and he fell down the stairs quite badly.

Asparagusupmynose · 21/02/2017 23:19

The law covers all people you might care for, so annual leave covers older children, sick parents, husbands etc.... Anybody you might have to care for or dump on a neighbour or local unemployed drunk if you don't care . As I said earlier, employers need to buy robots or accept people have lives outside of work and may need to take time off for emergencies to care for people.

Asparagusupmynose · 21/02/2017 23:20

Savagebeauty73- I hope your little one is okay Flowers

helpmebuystuff · 21/02/2017 23:21

Yes, children over 5 don't have a right to be parented after all.

Muddlingalongalone · 21/02/2017 23:44

Isn't parental leave upto the age of 16 but only applicable with x number of weeks notice & a bit like flexible working doesn't have to be approved??

Op you need to get that laptop & agree working from home.

Mine are only 5 & 2 and I always work from home with 5 year old so 13 year old should be no problem. 2 year old is more difficult to work around - but does still nap on occasion or go to sleep earlyish.

It's give and take to my mind. If employers are fair & pragmatic in their approach they are likely to end up with happier, more efficient employees who don't take the piss.

SavageBeauty73 · 22/02/2017 00:04

Asaragus thank you. Other than a bruised bum he's ok.

HeCantBeSerious · 22/02/2017 00:52

The law covers all people you might care for, so annual leave covers older children, sick parents, husbands etc....

Huh? Annual leave?

iluvshoes · 22/02/2017 09:09

I'm still off today as he's still really unwell. Spent most of yesterday cleaning up sick . I have rung the doctors just to get advice and there is apparently some really bad sickness bug going round. Not sure how anyone can leave their child at home like that and I definitely wouldn't. Even at 13 I dont think its old enough. I will face work when he's well again and deffo ask for a laptop so then I can work from home. Even if I have to buy one and get them to set it up for me. Its not like I'm staying home out of choice Hmm

OP posts:
iluvshoes · 22/02/2017 09:17

I can also confirm that nothing has happened to my mum. She is a carer for my 82 year old dad so I don't expect her to look after my child really. Also I'm trying not to laugh at the comments about leaving my child with total strangers or a neighbour. Most of them work and again why would they want to look after my son who has been throwing up for the past 2 days . My child my responsibility Smile

OP posts:
helpmebuystuff · 22/02/2017 09:20

Yes the "ask a neighbour" suggestion made me laugh. Who the hell would ask a random neighbour to look after your vomiting child while you were at work Confused