To be so angry

[iluvshoes]

OK my son is in bed I'll feeling sick and dizzy when he stands up. I went in to work yesterday and my mum covered. Need to take today off so called work. They've told me to leave him in bed and go in!?!

From government website: The law doesn’t say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk. Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.
Your child is unwell and you don't think he can be left. You should be at home with him, if he is at risk of injury or unable to get himself a drink etc....
He 13, still a child.

For a fairly run of the mill virus and nausea I'd say 13 is old enough for him to be left at home on the sofa with a blanket and the TV for the day and a phone nearby. Assuming you or your mum can get back within the hour if he takes a turn for the worst.

I don't really understand the bit about having no support. Your mum is supportive - she had him for you yesterday.

And even if you had the 'support' of a partner, what difference would it make, if you both had to go to work? One or other of you would still be facing the same issue. It's not your employer's fault you are single, why should they take that into account? You get paid to do your job irrespective of your relationship status with your son's father.

I wouldn't leave my teenager at home if they couldn't stand up without feeling dizzy. Thirteen year olds are still children for goodness sake!

I hardly think the original poster is a jobsworth (to whoever said it). She said herself that she has worked there for a long time and is hardly ever off.

These are your rights regarding this
www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants/your-rights
Call it parental leave and they can't touch you for it though you won't get paid and do it too often and they can talk to you about it.
I wouldn't be feeling guilty about it in your situation your child is ill and needs supervision you have no one else who can provide it. It's shit but it happens that's what things like parental leave are there for.

But this is the third time you've posted about issues with work and your son being off sick since the end of September so it's obviously something they feel is becoming too much of a habit for you. He's not a baby, he's old enough to be at home alone and he's not seriously ill so I think you have to either go to work or use a day's holiday.

As far as I'm concerned any child who is at secondary school and considered old enough to ride to school on a bike on main roads with buses and lorries etc, is old enough to be left at home when they have a bit of a virus without being put in harm's way. In fact I'd say that even when you are poorly, home is probably a damn sight safer than anywhere else a 13 yo could be without adult supervision.

I don't think any court in the land is going convict you for neglect. You should go to work.

Nousernameforme- thank you for posting that. It is good to remind people that parents may need to take time off with sick children and thankfully the law gives them some help.
Op-you can't magically make support appear. Childminders don't take sick children, you can't have a full time nanny or nurse on call in case you child is too sick for you to leave and not all children have grandparents that can give up their lives when we need them to. You have taken a couple of days off with a sick child, your employer should suck it up and not make you feel bad.

When I have a vomiting bug, I get so ill that I faint. I wouldn't leave my child alone if this was the case. And it potentially is with ops ds. In this situation, I think I'd "get the bug" myself. Or tell work that ds had fainted so I was having to escort him to the loo. It would then be illegal for you as a parent to leave your ds. I wouldn't normally advocate lying. But I think a severe d&v bug is one of those times when assistance is definitely required.

I'm so glad I work where I do. Taking a couple of hours to sort arrangements was suggested by a poster. Who are these people you can magic up to care for an ill dc? My twins currently have chickenpox so I'm at home with a laptop but ended up working late last night and will do the same today. They knew when I upped my hours that I have little support (just dh) and dc get ill. Dh is taking Wednesday and Thursday childcare shifts so it's minimal.

I always accept they may turn round and call it unpaid leave but they haven't so far.

Completely agree dragons

I'm going back to work soon. I had a KIT day recently and was chatting to my boss about illness, saying I was really sorry if I needed to take time off because of it. She looked at me like I was bonkers and said "Don't be daft - of course you'll need to. Kids get sick."

I think some people that have young children are looking and thinking, I won't still be needing to do that when my child is 13 years old (I did when my first was young). Your child doesn't stop needing you at 8, 10, 12, 16 or even 18. You are a parent for life and they will need you in different ways at different ages, but when they are too sick to get out of bed and teenagers, you still need to look after them. Sick bowls and being woken during the night and all. Employers should be reasonable about it. We have a moral duty to work, a legal duty to look after our children and a tonne of guilt from every direction. I hope your son gets better soon OP.
I am self employed and my employer is an unreasonable bitch when I am sick, but much better when it is my children!

helpmebuystuff, not all jobs can be done from home. Yours can so that is great but how about nurses? You are on a ward and no nurses because they have all decided to work from home, or no staff in Sainsbury's because they all want to work from home. I wonder how OP would feel if there were no teachers in school as their kids weren't feeling well. Not really on is it.

Maybe employers should have initiatives but the employer is paying OP to do a job, looking after her child and having initiatives for when he is ill is her problem.

I think some people that have young children are looking and thinking, I won't still be needing to do that when my child is 13 years old (I did when my first was young). Your child doesn't stop needing you at 8, 10, 12, 16 or even 18

This is me . When I had a vomiting bug and felt dizzy I was always left by my parents. I was very happy about this - when I'm sick I just want to be left alone.

I'll admit my thoughts are I would leave a 13 year old with a vomiting bug on their own (I'd phone them regularly).
But as you say my eldest is only 6 so maybe I would have a different view when the time comes.

granny your post is completely irrelevant as OP is neither a teacher nor a nurse. In any case I would say yes - teachers and nurses have as much right as anyone else to have time off for a sick child.

What exactly do you propose people do when their children are sick? Bring them into work?

Although my family are probably heartless bastards.
When my dad had his hip operation my mum would leave him with a packed lunch, flask of tea, a phone and access to entertainment.

He was more than happy with that - dislikes being nursed and he thinks it helped him recover quicker.

Employers need to buy robots or accept that people need time off for emergencies, such as sick children. Sainsbury's and hospitals have staff that have days off with sick family members or get sick themselves. Schools do too, when I worked in schools, I had to leave work a few times because my child's nursery said they were sick and I had to come and get them. No child care, that I know of, looks after sick children.
Yes, in private schools I knew of parents that would refuse to pick up their children( a rare beast) when they were sick, but you don't want to hear what we thought of those people! Even boarding schools send children home if they are going to be sick for more than a few days. I phoned surgeons and barristers to come to school to collect their children. They had to leave work to get their child. It doesn't matter what your job is parent usually trumps it all.

Employers need to buy robots or accept that people need time off for emergencies, such as sick children

This.

They can't refuse you reasonable time off to care for a sick child. I'd say a parent would probably judge their child to be pretty ill if they're prepared to lose a days pay for it. Illness happens, having this attitude will only encourage employees to be dishonest and say they are sick themselves to avoid the aggro.

helpmebuystuff, I don't know what the OP does, I must have missed that post. The point was you were advocating people working at home and that doesn't work for all jobs does it.

What I propose is that parents have a plan for when children are ill, in my experience it is rare to need to take a day off for a teenager and from what other people have said this isn't a one off for the OP. I was an HR manager and I had far more sympathy for people who phoned in and said something like, "I just can't leave him for the full day so can I come in late or leave early or take a couple of hours for lunch so I can pop home and see he is OK." Of "I am coming in but I do need to let you know that if he gets any worse I will need to go." Those sort of people tend to get alot of co-operation from employers than one who just says I'm not coming in.

I have 4 kids and always worked and yes I've had sick kids e.g. child in hospital when leave was prebooked, child at uni being rushed into hospital with meningitis and I had to leave to do a 200 mile journey. Any reasonable employer is going to work with staff on things like that. A regular "I'm not coming in because my teenager isn't feeling well" just doesn't get the same response particularly if it is happening every couple of months.

Just expecting the employer to make all the adjustments isn't reasonable.

Asparagus, hope the surgeon wasn't in the middle of a heart transplant but hey kids trump everything, right?

This is so strange. Here (not U.K.) sick leave is able to be used by parents with sick kids as they're a dependant.

Same here. I haven't used a sick day on myself since I had kids. Do you not get that leave in the UK?

My employer would have absolutely no problem with me taking a day off to look after my kids. Mostly because A. They're also parents, and B. They're not assholes.

Isn't it illegal to leave a 13yo unattended anyway? Thought 16 was the legal age - just tell them you'd be breaking the law if you did that.

grannytomine-they don't take calls during ops. However, they leave asap to get their sick children. I hope you don't still work in HR, I think most HR people are a little more reasonable. A few days off over several months with a sick 13 year old would be reasonable to me and in line with the law. I've worked with people who took time off when their cat, dog, former primary school teacher and somebody they used to work with died. If they feel they need the time and aren't taking the mickey then a good employer will let them and keep their employees loyal and working at their best capability.
Good employers get happy staff that go the extra mile, crap ones you leave at first chance.

Theedgeofseventeen- it would be illegal if it was likely to cause distress or injury to the child. Being too ill to get out of bed, could be seen as exacty that.

Isn't it illegal to leave a 13yo unattended anyway

I'm pretty sure it's not - maybe it's illegal overnight but I'm sure it's fine in the daytime.

A regular "I'm not coming in because my teenager isn't feeling well" just doesn't get the same response particularly if it is happening every couple of months

Got to agree with this. Obviously most employers are fine with staff looking after sick kids but many employers will have dealt with a vomiting teenager themselves - leaving a sick teenager is a grey area whereas leaving a sick two year old is much more clear cut.

Asparagus it goes both ways, if your employer thinks you're taking the mick don't expect them to bend over backwards for you. Actually my company had a way above normal level of staff retention for the industry and did bend over backwards for staff who played ball.

I retired last year, when I see staff they all tell me they miss me and want me back, sorry to disappoint you.