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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 13:44

"The terms Republic of Ireland (ROI), the Republic or the South are often used when there is a need to distinguish the state from the island or when Northern Ireland (NI or the North) is being discussed."

I think it is safe to say someone will be offended somewhere no matter what it is called.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 13:45

The fact I have an english accent will only make it worse (for a very small minority I am sure)

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 25/02/2017 13:49

Yes, but if you are really struggling to name the places properly, why not just use the actual names of the places, is the point?

I mean, you don't think about what to call France, do you, you just use the proper name of the country. Just do the same for Ireland, job done.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 13:54

I have enjoyed the conversation and everyone has had really interesting things to say. It has provided me with a real insight for how people perceive things in their both on the (ROI or ireland or the south) and (Northern Ireland/the uk) and also some from England.
Special thanks to everyone who joined in discussion with me, particularly those who have helped me out when things have got a little out of hand.
Bill and infinity and lot's of other lovely irish people on here. Hope to bump into to you all again on mumsnet.

Flowers

I'm off now as I think this thread could go on for a lifetime :)

OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 14:45

I would try to be careful when in Brittany. Some people in Brittany do not wish to be part of France.

Really going now Flowers

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 25/02/2017 14:46

And yet they are part of France.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 14:48

Still offends some though. Even if unintentional.

Really going now Flowers

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 25/02/2017 14:49

The fact that someone somewhere will be offended by something is not a reason not to attempt to be generally offensive.

fj3568 · 25/02/2017 16:29

Yes racist along with taking the mickey which people seem to think is fine to say or throwing a paddy or talking about paddy wagons

OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 17:40

Yes some phrases were designed to be racist and although they are not always intended that way by the user of the phrase they should not be used.

I reckon my use of the term ROI has developed through watching politics and therefore sometimes there has needed to be a definition between ireland and northern Ireland.

I can see that probably needs addressing and I will refer to them as ireland and northern Ireland. I think I have addressed them as such for the benefit of people outside of ireland for the sake of clarity. When I say ireland I mean it in a geographical sense rather than political.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 17:46

Confession.... I say taking the mickey. Where thell does that originate from and is it racist?

Please do not be angry. I literally have no idea.

TinselTwins · 25/02/2017 18:43

Although Paddy and Mick are common names in Ireland, being called A Paddy or A Mick was nasty in England in the past, it meant working class drunkard. The Irish have reclaimed "Paddy" for the most part so I think that's okay in many contexts and so "you're a Paddy" has become more benign, but Mick, if that's not the persons actual name, more in the context of "you are a…." is historically meant to mean thick, drunken, unskilled Irish worker.

I would say though, although "Paddy" in itself isn't offensive, there are jokey contexts where the whole sentance becomes offensive, so use with caution

TinselTwins · 25/02/2017 18:46

Northern or Republic is a more accurate description than "north or south", as parts of the geographical north are in the republic not Northern Ireland.

TinselTwins · 25/02/2017 18:48

Basically, "no Irish" was often phrased as "no paddies" and/or "no Micks"
So using those phrases in a jokey way won't always be funny, even if you don't mean it that way. But like I said Paddy has been more or less reclaimed for the most part, but some context may make it not okay.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 18:49

Ok but what would taking the mickey mean.

Taking the Irish person?

My father in laws name is mick and he is English lol... he only occasionally gets pissed though.

I won't use it if it really is offensive

Somersetlady · 25/02/2017 18:57

As a mother in Ireland I don't think its remotely offensive.

However your friends could easily have offended you asking about babies when for all they know your could be trying to conceive or miscarrying.

TinselTwins · 25/02/2017 19:00

Since "taking the Mick" (a traditionally common Irish working class man's name) is interchangable with "taking the piss", I don't think anyone can legitimately claim ignorance on the implications, any more than "that's a bit Irish"

"Micky" can mean penis in Ireland, so is often in slang but but not always in the same way (i.e. implying stupidity or unreliability)

"Oh but not every Mick is Irish" is a bit of a weak arguement, TBH. Bit like making an Abdul joke then saying "its not islamaphobic because I know an Abdul who isn't a practicing muslim"

OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 19:00

I know. Someone didn't like me saying Republic though. I messed up a bit when I said south ( a kind of shorthand if you will-possibly an annoying one) , but if I was asked for an accurate description in the past I would have said northern Ireland was part of the uk and was a separate country to the Republic of ireland, but if I was describing the island as a whole I would refer to it as Ireland in the geographical sense

Somersetlady · 25/02/2017 19:01

Can i ask a really daft question then. Why does the football association of Ireland call its own football team the Rephblic of Ireland for International matches?

www.fai.ie

TinselTwins · 25/02/2017 19:03

It's actually a good demonstration of why a word is less okay coming from an english person

the slang "Mick" in England = thick unreliable drunk trouble Irish worker
"Micky" in Ireland = Willie
So "take the Mick" in Ireland = act the willy
"take the Mick" in England = don't hire an Irish perons, they'll rip you off or not turn up!

The same phrase has evolved differently depending on who has been saying it

OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 19:04

I won't use it ever again and am not justifying it, but it must have been shit for my father in law to be called something which obviously had such negative connotations and his father and father before him.

TinselTwins · 25/02/2017 19:22

It's a nice name and its still popular
its fine in the context of someones actual name or nickname
Context.

MarDhea · 25/02/2017 19:26

Can i ask a really daft question then. Why does the football association of Ireland call its own football team the Rephblic of Ireland for International matches?

It was a FIFA decision in the 1950s to clarify that both RoI and NI teams had separate jurisdictions and could compete internationally as such. So it's what FIFA said the team must be called rather than what the FAI voluntarily chose to call the team, iyswim.

Scissorcisters · 25/02/2017 19:35

I'm a bonified Irish twin, born to an Irish mother obviously, with 1 year 2 days between me and my sibling. I'd never heard that saying before today. As this directly affects me, I have discussed with mother, and the joint decision is we are not offended. Can't speak for my sister though as couldn't contact her.

InfinityPlusOne · 25/02/2017 20:11

I'm a bonified Irish twin, born to an Irish mother obviously, with 1 year 2 days between me and my sibling.

You have to be born within the same year to be Irish twins Scissor. You are just outside the cut off Wink

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