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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
OMGyoumustbekidding · 24/02/2017 16:47

You assume I know nothing, you assume I don't know the difference between nothern and southern ireland.... because even although I am scottish I spent my childhood in ENGLAND (in a school full of irish people).

I find that to be a racist attitude.

InfinityPlusOne · 24/02/2017 16:48

Do try to keep up. Nobody said only NI

Yeah you did say that actually. Maybe it's not what you meant but I think it's you that needs to keep up with what you are writing.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 24/02/2017 16:49

you assume I don't know the difference between nothern and southern ireland

It's not called southern ireland, so.....

OMGyoumustbekidding · 24/02/2017 16:49

I suppose the "ROI" would be more appropriate as that is the official name. I'll use that in future.

Thanks Grin

OMGyoumustbekidding · 24/02/2017 17:03

Sorry if calling it southern Ireland annoys people. I don't know why I called it Southern Ireland. Probably because it is the southern bit of ireland, but I will definately change that and call it the Republic of Ireland. I understand quite a bit actually, though not as much as I would if I lived there. I care a lot about Ireland both northern and the republic and therefore take notice of current affairs etc

I didn't really want to get people arguing about them anyway. Just pointing out how it looks when the shoe is on the other foot and you are accused of supporting or being a bully and various other things for past actions that you did not necessarily support.

I am saying there is no justification for it in either direction.

InfinityPlusOne · 24/02/2017 17:15

Sorry if calling it southern Ireland annoys people.

Meh, it's mildly irritating at worst to me OMG, if it's a genuine mistake. Most people respond as you do when it's pointed out and I think that's fair enough. I'm sure if I was commenting about another country I'd put my foot in it at some point.

sopsmum · 24/02/2017 17:23

I'm second generation Irish. I don't find it at all offensive and indeed it makes me smile as a term. Some people are constantly offended. Thick paddy and leprechaun jokes on the other hand were left behind in the 70's.

My mum arrived here in the times of no Irish signs, and even now in her 80's comments that she is a foreigner here. I find that sad but it's not because of comments made kindly about Irish twins.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 24/02/2017 17:28

That is really sad sopsmum Sad

OMGyoumustbekidding · 24/02/2017 17:32

Thanks infinity I can see exactly why it would be annoying. I know it is called the ROI so don't really know where I fell in to the trap of calling it southern... opposite to northern I guess, but will not do it again.

BillSykesDog · 24/02/2017 20:07

I am sitting in a room full of Irish people (from a rabidly republican family) and they say they refer to it as North and South.

The IRA most certainly isn't a NI only body, especially as they view Ireland as one country and many people in the south (yes the fucking south) support that, why on earth would they limit themselves to just the North? The roots of the IRA are all over Ireland, it began when the whole of Ireland was fighting for independence so was pan-Irish. And during the troubles they very much operated south of the border.

I don't understand how you can get so angry about something you obviously have a very limited understanding of. It just seems like knee jerk hate rather than a genuine grievance.

Maybe have a little read up on Irish history to see how the IRA developed? Starting just before 1916 and the Easter Rising is a good place to start. It's something I've studied and it's a very interesting thing to learn about.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 24/02/2017 20:18

My mum arrived here in the times of no Irish signs, and even now in her 80's comments that she is a foreigner here. I find that sad but it's not because of comments made kindly about Irish twins

Doesn't help though, really. It's othering.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 24/02/2017 20:30

That's what I thought bill, but I am open to people trying to educate me as I don't live in ireland so I accept that there will be many who know a lot more than me. I have read quite a lot of irish history. (Despite me weirdly referring to the ROI as the south.) I always understood their aim to be one ireland outside of the uk and frankly I think even most people outside if ireland would consider that to be the case Confused
I can understand that the "south" thing is not accurate and annoying for people so I would rather not use it myself.

mimishimmi · 24/02/2017 21:03

I also have to add that I don't blame the average English person for what happened in Ireland. They were just as much targets for the Anglo-Norman landowning class.

BorrowedHeart · 24/02/2017 21:27

It's so not offensive, I live in Northern Ireland and know Irish people, and my brothers born 11 months apart have always been referred to as Irish twins.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 24/02/2017 22:32

I'll text my friend in the ROI and see what she thinks...

Willyoujustbequiet · 24/02/2017 22:59

Well said Bill

There's a bit of an anti English undertone on here now.

Catlady1976 · 24/02/2017 23:45

Willyou the whole notion of why it seems more acceptable for Irish people to use the term is that it is OK to poke fun at your own. When other people ( not English people specifically) use it it feels more derogatory even if not intended.

JaxingJump · 25/02/2017 00:28

Cat lady, when we Irish use the term we're not poking fun usually! Just describing 2 babies born in the same 12 months. It's not a joke or anything.

JaxingJump · 25/02/2017 00:29

(You're probably Irish too but what I'm saying is....I've never said it as a joke)

Catlady1976 · 25/02/2017 06:48

Sorry joking probably isn't the right word. Just trying to counter notion that those who don't like the term are racist because it's OK if we say it but not others.
I suppose it is acceptable if those saying and hearing it are happy to use phrase.
As many who are happy to use it are Irish living in Ireland than I guess that's where the idea came from.

BillSykesDog · 25/02/2017 09:29

We have the family over for an event so are very Irish heavy ATM. Been chatting about it this morning. It's been pointed out that a lot of Irish people don't essentially agree with the idea of a divided Ireland (even though all the people here are supportive of the status quo and peace process) and as such ideologically do not like to divide Ireland into the Republic and the North and so prefer 'the south' and 'the north' as this more accurately reflects that there is one Ireland which should be united. It's not entirely geographically accurate as the northern most point of Ireland is in the ROI, but it's a preferred shorthand as they feel that it ignores a false division.

So acceptable and preferable according to some Irish people at least! Just goes show how one persons 'offensive' shouldn't necessarily shut down a term...

OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 12:43

Should I stick with the independent bit of ireland and the bit of ireland that is in the uk as descriptions then?
Would most people be happy with that?
I agree cat lady. If there are terms used to take the piss, then they are acceptable to use about yourselves and others shouldn't use them, but there was a definite tone of everyone can use it except english people.
As I say I'd never used it before and my friend has got back to me and said she hadn't heard it until she moved back to Ireland.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 25/02/2017 12:59

Couldn't you just use Ireland and Northern Ireland, as they are the actual names? It's not difficult!

OMGyoumustbekidding · 25/02/2017 13:30

Yes Cork I will continue to refer to them as ROI and northern Ireland as is the factual position. I was just trying to demonstrate how you can never be sure whether what you say is going to be offensive to someone because they are from a specific nation and also that you can not be sure whether someone wants to offend because they are from a specific country.
Grouping people as oppressor, bully and xenophobes by country is not effective.
There are left wing xenophobes (yes they exist), right wing xenophobes, rich xenophobes and poor, clever and thick and from every country in the world.
Xenophobes fit in one category only... the xenophobic.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 25/02/2017 13:36

Yes Cork I will continue to refer to them as ROI and northern Ireland as is the factual position

No, like I said, it is called Ireland. Not ROI. The name of the country is Ireland, just the one word. The Republic of Ireland is just the description, it isn't the name.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Names_of_the_Irish_state