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Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 19:58

As a feminist I find it a bit odd and melo-dramatic that it would be considered baring your soul to give an example.

WOW!
you haven't experienced it
you don't know what we've experienced, yet you deam it "melodramatic" to not want to open those wounds publically to someone who speaks to us like that!
wow.

StumblyMonkey · 22/02/2017 19:59

I think you're reading intentions/motivations into my comments that simply don't exist?

I don't really know what else I can say.

I would suggest though that you are being sensitive when it isn't needed?

You're interpreting my comments to be some kind of attack or challenging when I'm just being curious?

Obviously I don't know you but you seem very over sensitive and liable to reading negative intentions where there aren't any...

StumblyMonkey · 22/02/2017 20:01

"The I struggle to see how involved you are in feminism. There is a massive problem on feminist platforms of men asking women to demonstrate the problem to them"

Sure. I've been asked plenty of times in RL by genuinely well meaning men who have never seen it for themselves and I've given them a run down of all the reasons it exists - personal experience and studies. Had this exact conversation with my DP for example.

Celendine · 22/02/2017 20:01

I am Irish and that was said to me and my sister when we were very little and to this day we remember it, it was offensive to us. However I think a lot of remarks are off the cuff and sometimes we all say ignorant things at times and sometimes a good friend will point it out

TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 20:01

I would suggest though that you are being sensitive when it isn't needed?

is this what you say to minority groups in your workplace in your meetings about how anti-discrininatory you're being?

JESUS no wonder people don't share their experiences with you and you don't hear about it much!

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 20:05

I would suggest though that you are being sensitive when it isn't needed?

Shock

So we're no further on than the thread title really after 500 odd posts.

StumblyMonkey · 22/02/2017 20:06

No because I'm not saying you're being over sensitive to discrimination. I'm saying you're being over sensitive to my posts which are not discrimination but just one woman asking a simple question?

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 20:06

Please god let this thread end.

Love to everyone, please be nicer to one another.

Nobody has the right to discriminate against others, whatever the justification.

Flowers
TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 20:06

www.salon.com/2015/04/14/black_people_are_not_here_to_teach_you_what_so_many_white_americans_just_cant_grasp_partner/

it's about race issues, but same applies to other groups. Just incase there's any iota of you that is as interested as you say..

TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 20:10

once again, if you think that not laughing at a British persons joke at another person's expense is discrimination, you are probably part of the problem!

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 20:18

OMG there is a hide thread button.

stumbly what is the point of your question? You say you don't want proof of discrimination. So what is the point?

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 20:27

My point is nobody should make these jokes, but being english should not make it worse to do so than if you are scottish. Some people on this thead have suggested it does and I find that discriminatory.

I understand that oppression has caused pain and hurt which causes some people to have a more negative reaction towards english people, but it is my view that discrimination is never ok whatever the perceived justification. Many english people have played no part in oppressing irish people. Flowers

isadoradancing123 · 22/02/2017 20:33

OMG Irish Catholics don't use contraception!!! Maybe true 50 years ago

TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 20:34

Yes yes we heard you, your feelings about irish people who get upset if English people make fun of them is more important than the feelings of Irish people who find it upsetting to be joked about by English people. English peoples feelings matter more, after all it's very hard to not have your jokes appreciated Hmm - nasty little irish people!

We get it, we're used to this attitude

TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 20:39

I understand that oppression has caused pain and hurt which causes some people to have a more negative reaction towards english people, but it is my view that discrimination is never ok whatever the perceived justification

Your view is ignorant. "Discrimination" would be if English people were prevented from making jokes, or hurt, imprisoned, tortured or killed for making jokes, or had their prospects or options/choices in life limited for it.

Some people having their own feelings and reactions about such jokes being told by English people about Irish people does not in any way shape or form constitue discrimination. That's not what discrimination means. Not even a little bit.

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 20:42

but being english should not make it worse to do so than if you are scottish

It shouldn't, but English treatment of the Irish makes it that way. You cannot seriously still not understand this.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 20:43

If an english person is a twat and deliberately discriminates against you then fine hate them and treat them however you like. I don't care because I will also think they are a horrible arse hole.

If an American or scottish or french person does it. Don't think they are an arse if you don't want to, but please do not expect me not to think they are a horrible arse for descriminating against you.

If you respond to someone differently because they are english tHan you would if they were from anywhere else. I probably would sympathise because of your history, but I would think you were also being horrible.

isadoradancing123 · 22/02/2017 20:47

Regular signs not that long age
No Irish
No blacks
No dogs

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 20:49

Not in my lifetime and if I saw one of these signs i'd post it to you so you can burn it.

mimishimmi · 22/02/2017 20:50

I have to add that everything is in the tone. If someone said it in a non-sneery manner, I'd probably have a laugh too. The heat is turned off us at the moment in the 'battle for Western civilization' Hmm but we still have very strong memories of/generational PTSD from being treated like absolute crap.

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 20:53

then fine hate them and treat them however you like.

Or just find it offensive which is what I have being saying throughout this thread. You keep implying that I or others have suggested treating English people badly, like a twat, being shit to them and hating them. You have said it repeatedly and I would Now like you to quote the posts you are referring to when you say these things.

I'm going to spell this out as simply as I can for you.

American person uses it: I find it offensive and don't laugh.
French person uses it: I find it offensive and don't laugh.
English person uses it: I find it offensive and don't laugh.
Irish person uses it: I raise an eyebrow but think "meh" they're entitled to take the piss out of themselves.

At no point will I treat badly/like shit/like a twat to any of the people I hear using it. Nor did I ever say anyone else should.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 20:53

Yes and nobody should be treated like crap.

TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 20:54

well we're still being told how we are allowed to feel Hmm … so maybe not so much has changed huh?

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 20:58

I can't remember who said it but a couple have said it is different coming from an english person. I will go back and find it for you, but this thread is so long it will probably take ages.

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 20:58

Today 20:53 OMGyoumustbekidding

Yes and nobody should be treated like crap.

Who has said that someone should be treated like crap? Was it on this thread?