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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 21:00

I can't remember who said it but a couple have said it is different coming from an english person.

Yes, I am one of them. Now, what I actually asked you to quote was the posts where people said that English people should be hated, treated badly, like shit or like a twat.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 21:02

Nope I am not telling anyone how they are allowed to feel.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 21:04

Mimishimmi did
but we still have very strong memories of/generational PTSD from being treated like absolute crap.

I said nobody should be treated like crap

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 21:07

No. Minimishi didn't say anyone should be treated like crap.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 21:09
Flowers

I am off now. I can't be arsed to argue with people that I basically agree with on most points.

Willyoujustbequiet · 22/02/2017 21:13

OMG appears to be making very valid points imo.

For my part, I consider the phrase Irish Twins to be totally inoffensive whether it be said by an Englishman, Irishman or Scotsman.

Itwillbefine1 · 22/02/2017 21:15

Can those who have been discriminated against on the basis of being Irish give an example?

I'm genuinely shocked/intrigued/taken aback that it occurs...

18 years ago, I did a post graduate medical study. Lectures were in Dublin. The course was offered through a subsidiary of a London college. We had to go to the UK on (?3) visits to attend a specialist clinic in the field. The clinic was within a NHS Hospital that had (limited) accomodation for staff/students. Our on site coordinator allowed the London based students to use this accomodation, but no visiting/Irish students were allowed. We had to use local B&Bs.

I complained bitterly to our lecturer in Dublin - but I think the relationship with the college was coming to an end, so she took no action.

isadoradancing123 · 22/02/2017 21:26

Why is it ok to make Irish people sound thick? It would not be tolerated by any other nationality

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 21:32

Thank you willyoujust I really do understand why the natural reaction might be to be MORE offended.
I am just saying that, just because it feels right to be more offended, doesn't mean that it is OK.
I am not telling people how they should feel, but asking people to consider whether feeling oppresed makes it ok to judge another individual for the actions of their government.

peanut2017 · 22/02/2017 21:36

Gallavich as an Irish person this cracks me up. We are not al, in the dark ages. I'm a catholic and use contraception? Also I would take more offence of someone asking someone just married when are you having a baby as they have no idea of what a couple could be going through

mikado1 · 22/02/2017 21:36

You see One, and thanks for allowing me take the piss out of myself Hmm, but I don't see the phrase as taking the piss, it's just a phrase that someone might use to explain how siblings appear to be 'like twins' or have the same friends etc.

Yes yes I see now from this thread that it came from a not so benign place and obviously was aware of why Irish people had large families, but that's the only way I've ever heard it/perceived it when used. Obviously if it was said in a sneery, superior way I would fine it offensive but I would find pretty much anything said in this way offensive!

And yes, I have been the solo Irish person in a group of students and one person did attempt the ridiculous blarney accent/phrases etc but I just laughed at him, I see being Irish as a great thing and am very proud of it. I'm not as naive now though and would probably tell the same guy to shut it now though.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 21:38

One of my closest friends at school was irish she spent time at school with me in england and has moved back to ireland. Don't see much of her now due to the distance, but she was one of the smartest people in the class and her mum was a teacher and is also very clever. Clever people are all around us... so are thick people... i doubt there is much difference the world over.

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 21:41

but I don't see the phrase as taking the piss, it's just a phrase that someone might use to explain how siblings appear to be 'like twins' or have the same friends etc.

So people are actually using it as if it's a factual description of their children's relationship to each other?? Fine if you want a special word for children born within a year of each other. There is nothing at all wrong with that. Perhaps "pretend twins" or "staggered twins" would be better than a phrase that has the heavy history this one does.

DianaMemorialJam · 22/02/2017 21:43

One I love that idea! I think it's really lovely! I feel it's special that my two are a year apart and it will be nice to have a secret way of expressing it between us

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 22/02/2017 21:44

same argument now raging on another thread where a poor innocent poster announced she was pregnant very shortly after giving birth. Someone predictably said Irish Twins. Interestingly , the OP told her she was offended and MNHQ deleted the post.

Enough said??

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 21:45

I am just saying that, just because it feels right to be more offended, doesn't mean that it is OK. I am not telling people how they should feel

So you're not telling people how they should feel, you're just telling them that their feelings are wrong. Got it.

consider whether feeling oppresed makes it ok to judge another individual for the actions of their government.

Again, because you didn't get it the first eleventy million times. I judge them for their own actions: using an offensive phrase.

BabychamSocialist · 22/02/2017 21:51

My grandparents were Irish, my sister-in-law is irish, so is my brother-in-law. Can't say any of us would have found it offensive really... aren't Irish people famed for their sense of humour?

mikado1 · 22/02/2017 21:52

It is a 'factual' description, based on the definition of Irish twins, which I know, I know, is not factual irt twins but that is what the phrase 'means'. So I and any other (all Irish) people I've heard using have not been 'taking the piss out of themselves'. In fact, I am a bit offended that you view it this way! (I may start an aibu)

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 21:52

Yep have to agree one with the force. It is clear that although some people don't find it offensive, some do. It is only a phrase and It is better to ditch it surely than to upset someone, even if you do not intend to.
I hope if someone uses it in future by accident and people explain why they are upset then people will just stop using it. Most people don't actually want to upset anyone else.

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 21:58

I am sorry mikado I genuinely assumed when you/other Irish people were using it they were using it in a "haha, we've got like what they used to call Irish twins, how cute" way rather than "oh I have two children, they're Irish twins"! I have never heard it used as a serious description. It is always in the "haha funny" way.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 22:07

I don't see irishness as bad. The phrase sounds quite cute. What could be lovelier than 2 cuddly little irish babies.

I wouldn't use the phrase for fear of causing offense but... I stIil reckon irish babies are lovely. ( I almost picture them in my head as cuter than other babies... no idea why)

bridetobe17 · 22/02/2017 22:09

Two cuddly little Irish babies...what a peculiar thing to say

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 22:10

Is it?

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 22:12

My friends kids are irish they were really cute babies... that is probably why

bridetobe17 · 22/02/2017 22:13

Yep! I think all of your posts have made sense but if you said that exact sentence and replaced the word Irish with several others I can think of but for obvious reasons don't want to say then you would be called racist