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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 16:11

I am disappointed that people are only upset if these things are said by an English person and not Scottish, Welsh, American or others. That says a lot about the offended party all by itself.

Lived in both England and Scotland, both places I love, but the most xenophobic things I have heard said about the Irish were actually in Scotland (sadly as they are both celtic nations). Mainly based on sectarianism which doesn't really have a hold in se england. Although phrases exist most don't know what the hell they mean any more.

I'm sorry to say it but nobody has the right to force others to be offended by something which doesn't offend them or the other way round.

I DECLARE PEACE THE END (at the risk of being called a superior stuck up english cow or whatever-even though I am Scottish)

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 16:27

I am disappointed that people are only upset if these things are said by an English person and not Scottish, Welsh, American or others.

Other than by Irish people I have only ever heard this phrase used by English people. You should also consider the context of why it would be particularly upsetting coming from an English person.

That says a lot about the offended party all by itself.

Yes it does, it tells you they have reason to feel particularly offended when a person of that nationality used the phrase.

I'm sorry to say it but nobody has the right to force others to be offended by something

Who said they did?

TriJo · 22/02/2017 16:31

I'm Irish and have used the phrase myself quite a few times. I don't find it offensive in the slightest, in a society with extremely poor contraception access and low breastfeeding rates small gaps between kids were really common. My own mother is one of 5 born in 6 years!

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 16:58

I've only ever heard the phrases,

Having a paddy, and paddy wagon. I don't use either.
They have been phrases passed down and I don't even think people realise what they are actually saying and it is ignorant. I think when most people in the se england think of Ireland it is all leprechauns and four leaf clover actually. I am sorry to disappoint.

In scotland it seems to be all about religion and football and songs about the famine and they are well aware of what they are doing.

I feel offended if people are anti semites, I am not MORE offended if the person that said something anti semitic is German. That in itself would be racist.

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 17:42

It is racist to be more offended hearing a phrase coming from a nation that systematically oppressed your ancestors over hundreds of years (a legacy that still exists) than from a nation that didn't? Really? That's what you're saying?

DaffodilsAndCrocus · 22/02/2017 17:47

But the phrase is presumably coming from a person not a nation.

TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 17:52

Here's the thing, Irish people can say it about themselves and others, but if you are english, jokes about the Irish in general are not funny coming from you, because of the history.

It's like a black comedian making jokes about black themes, same joke not okay from a white person.

Why TF don't people get this???

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 17:52

Of course, should have said a person of that nationality.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 17:54

Yes it is racist to be more offended by something a person says to you because of how you deem them to be, when you do not know the individual.
It is racist to expect apologies from people who do not hate you, based on a misinformed generalisation.
I do not expect all Irish people to be sensitive and apologise for the IRA. Not all irish people were responsible for the actions of the IRA. (Anyone that does is an arsehole)

TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 17:57

I am disappointed that people are only upset if these things are said by an English person and not Scottish, Welsh, American or others. That says a lot about the offended party all by itself

Yes. It says they come from a nation that has been suppressed by the English in living history and you have to be pretty stupid to not get why a "joke" about the Irish coming from someone with an English accent can pick at a raw wound.

The wounds are by no means healed! No matter what follows these two words, "The Irish……." followed by any generalisation, with an English accent, can bring up a whole lot of feelings and memories which are not pleasant.

Personally, the particular OP is EXTRA not funny because of Irelands history of womans health issues which are still current today! Irish women are STILL fighting for rights over their bodies TO.DAY. OP - it's nowhere near a joke, "too soon" is an understatement!

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 18:00

Yes but it appears some people think that the jokes are ok if they are coming from anywhere EXCEPT an english person.
I don't think that they are ok coming from anyone EXCEPT an Irish person.

TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 18:04

Yes but it appears some people think that the jokes are ok if they are coming from anywhere EXCEPT an english person and some are. Not the OPs joke, that's not okay for other reasons.

Of course different rules apply to the English when it comes to joking about the Irish FFS!

We are allowed to be a bit sensitive when it comes to being joked about by our oppressors in a way we aren't by other people! We don't have to forget everything that's gone before. You don't have to like that, but you don't get to tell us to react to all other non Irish people the same way as we do if English people start joking about "the irish".

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 18:04

Yes it is racist to be more offended by something a person says to you because of how you deem them to be

Sorry you'll have to explain this one, "how I deem them to be"?? I don't deem them to be anything, they either are English or French or welsh or whatever. Their nationality is a fact. That's not something I can make up.

It is racist to expect apologies from people who do not hate you, based on a misinformed generalisation.

Who have I expected an apology from? I have stated that I find a phrase offensive based on the historic context of the phrase. Have you confused my posts with someone else?

I do not expect all Irish people to be sensitive and apologise for the IRA.

Wow! The IRA are a terrorist group. England is a nation. England has never suffered oppression from Ireland. Ireland has suffered oppression from England. Do you seriously not understand the difference here? And please do not be as ridiculous as to assume by Ireland I mean the IR fucking A!

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 18:07

Most of this thread basically comes across as "why can't you just let me say that funny phrase?? Waaah. Party poopers"

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 18:08

I do not hate or deliberately hurt others.

Continuing to justify your own prejudices, shows your inability to reflect on your own behaviour.

English PEOPLE are people not a nation.
Irish PEOPLE are people not a nation.
Scottish PEOPLE are people not a nation.

You are justifying prejudice against PEOPLE for the actions of a NATION.

That is a worrying mindset and it is a dangerous one too.

I am not srupid

TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 18:10

yeah, don't act all fucking oppressed because you have upset people by joking about something that you haven't experienced but they have.

And you find them being upset/offended has suppressed your enjoyment of your joke Hmm - if THAT is what you count as experiencing racism/suppression then you need to step out of your bubble!

Nobody is going to stop you from saying these words if it means so much to you, you are allowed, but you may NOT tell people that they may not be offended/upset by them.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 18:11

Bored now. Off to drink wine Wine

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 18:12

My joke? Wtaf? I have never used the phrases and don't think people should. More generalisations?

TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 18:13

OMG you are justifying people making jokes based on generalisations about people because of their nationality so you lose at your own arguement there..

OneWithTheForce · 22/02/2017 18:15

For some reason you seem to want to ignore the unique relationship between Ireland and England. That's fine, you can. You don't get to dictate that I or anyone else does. We are still recovering from and suffering as a result of the years of English oppression. It isn't over for us. You don't have to care about that, perhaps it bores you, maybe you think we should shut up already and get over it.

TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 18:15

"I've had the privilidge of never experiencing it but I think I have the right to tell the people who have experienced it how they should feel about it"

basically what you're saying.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 22/02/2017 18:28

No I am just saying that the actions of a GOVERNMENT are not the same thing as the actions of an INDIVIDUAL.

Justifying behaving badly or being more repulsed by a person, who doesn't mean you harm because of the government of that nation will not fix what has happened in the past.

I wish it would, but it won't. Hate only breeds more hate and resentment.

It is up to you haw you feel, and you are correct I do not live in Ireland. I am scottish so I have been lucky.

Wine
TinselTwins · 22/02/2017 18:33

They don't hate the OP because she is English

They hate that she made a joke about the Irish

Waaaa the Irish are "breeding hate" by being upset about things that have upsetting connotations for them!

Catlady1976 · 22/02/2017 18:34

I never specified English people btw. I would be offended if anyone said such phrases.
I only said if said within Ireland or Irish company it is more acceptable.

StumblyMonkey · 22/02/2017 18:34

Shocked at how easily people are offended!

It can't be racism because being Irish isn't a race?

I don't see how it's any different to all the jokes about Scousers, Cockneys, Scots, Geordies, Southerners, Northerners, people from the countryside, etc?

Or are we all to be horribly offended by those now as well even if it's meant without any malice at all?