To think friends are being over-senstive?

[pomadas87]

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?!

I don't think it's racist as I think it's just an old phrase which is in fact quite true that Irish catholic families often had lots of children - not meant to be offensive I don't believe but perhaps I'm being daft!!

Because
People get offended a lot I'd probably not have said it, however they're out of line badgering you!!! What if you were mid miscarriage or had problems conceiving?! IMO people shouldn't bother others about babies as it may be underlying issues that are a problem

I find 'throwing a paddy' a truly horrific phrase

Do you know, Waltzing - I use this term all the time and had NEVER considered its origin (same with "paddy wagon". I'll definitely stop that.

I think pp have it spot on that if you're in Ireland you might not have experienced years of casual and insidious racism that can get doled out to the Irish, things that would be completely unacceptable to say about say Jewish or Muslim people. I originally come from a nice, prosperous very civilised place and the amount of times over twenty years people in mostly London have said the most outrageous things that demonstrate they think you've just crawled out of a bog with no shoes and a shawl on or have a coffee-jar pipe bomb stashed in your back pocket... it ends by making you very sensitised to 'hilarious' Irish jokes and phrases, because you know that they DO come from a bad place. Before I moved to England I had literally no idea that so many people considered themselves so superior.

I think the phrase 'Irish twins' is one of those that you can only use if you are in fact Irish. From anyone else it runs the risk of appearing racist.

Sorry op - you'll know for next time.

I think people asking when you are having a baby in a situations like you described offensive.

That was my first thought, Tesco - no-one else's damn business!

Late addition: obvious lots of people in London do NOT consider themselves superior. Just an irritating minority

I can't believe nobody else has commented on how rude the friend was to single out OP for pressure to have kids.

Ahem Jenny I did - on about page 2 or 3 or something.

My mum used to tell Me to tidy my room because it was like "paddy's market" I don't use it as I figure it probably is offensive

I was told mine was like "Catty Allen's rag shop" - she was a famous dealer in second hand clothing in (I think) the 19 century in Newcastle area.

Friends could also be deemed rude asking you to have a baby and quick smart!

Who knows what circumstances a couple are in. You could try being offended in return but then you would be adding to the sum of offendedness as and none of us need that on our conscience in these times!

Oh it's been said..

I first heard the term Irish twins when a parent told me they had a ds and a dd and said they were very close in age, calling them "irish twins". it iddn't seem offensivce to me

Not quite what you are saying F1Gl, but I've heard of different sex (real) twins being called a "pigeon pair", because apparently pigeons lay two eggs and there is always a boy and a girl. (BTW - this is an old expression and I have no idea what pigeon families are really like, despite being from the NE, and therefore a leek-eating, brown-ale-swilling, shawl-wearing, whippet-owning, pigeon-fancier.)

I have often used the phrase "get to the nitty gritty" I was told by someone that it "nitty gritty" was used to describe debris (body fluids and other stuff) on ships during the slave trade. It actually made me feel physically sick that I had used that phrase regularly throughout my life and had no idea. That is one phease I sure as hell will never ever use again.

I feel sick just thinking about it.

Many behaved unethically by attacking civilians I understand.

They were offing BRUTAL!

*effing - leave my minor swears alone, autocorrect.

It is offensive in a number of ways.

The Irish are too stupid to know what twins really are.
The Irish are too backwards to have access to contraception.

However, acknowledge that you were innocently racist rather than straight up demeaningly racist.

Apologise and explain you did not know the connotations of your ignorant remark.

Well, no because at least half the Irish people posting on the thread have said they don't find it offensive.

And I was one of them Gwen.

However, the thread did actually move on. In case you didn't notice...

Re: "beyond the Pale" I never knew it was used as anything other than a reference to the area around Dublin during English rule. And in that context, yes it's offensive, I suppose.

Looks like that's bollocks OMG (urban myth)

www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/nitty-gritty.html

However, generally I haven't met anyone being malicious in their use of such phrases bad one Englishman.

So it doesn't bother me.

But then, as PP rightly pointed out, I haven't been Irish living in Britain so haven't had to face it.

It might have happened to me in Spain but I wouldn't have known!

My experience is pretty similar to that of movingtobelfast.

Similarly, there was a thread the other day where the term "knackered" came up. Older people regard that as rude and as meaning "I am tired after having sex", whereas most younger people would take it to mean "very tired", with no obvious sexual connotation.

Nataila - I always thought that "knackered" had to do with old worn-out horses being taken to the knackers' yard for slaughter i.e., it meant that you were exhausted to the point of being ready to drop down where you stood. How, when and where it developed any sort of sexual connotation, and "knackers' became a slang term for testicles, I have no idea. (Perhaps you needed big bollox to slaughter a horse with a mallet?)

Oh good!!! Back to using it then! I liked the phrase and used it all the time.
My own consignee nearly killed me when I thought that was what it was about! Thanks devilish pjs

Conscience (can't spell and predicted text made it worse you know what I mean)

IME (having grown up there) Geordies don't give a toss about the Scots because we're too busy taking the piss out of people from Sunderland.

Hear, hear 404. Makems are a sad and sorry bunch who haven't even the intelligence to recognise Geordie superiority (and vice versa! )

Same as Weegies and Edinbuggers, Liverpudlians and Mancunians, Tykes and Yonners , and of course, the entire UK and Londoners (not Cockneys - they're ok - it's the Rodneys that do it for us).

I understand that even the Irish tell Kerrymen jokes.

It's human nature - mostly with no real malice in it, just banter - but if someone finds it offensive, then to that person it is.

It's "welching" on a bet, not Welshing. Completely different etymology.

The Welsh of course, never bet, as they are all staunch Methodists, and are also too busy singing in choirs, planting daffodils and setting fire to holiday cottages since all the pits closed down.

And I hate hate 'Oooh touchy' as a response!

So do I Beans. It's the sort of comment bullies make when they have said something really spiteful and hurtful and want to pass it off as a joke and make their victim seem unreasonable.