Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
Coulibri · 20/02/2017 23:33

Maybe someone from Hastings can come and reassure us it's not common currency there? Grin

Itwillbefine1 · 20/02/2017 23:44

I'm Irish, born and reared here.
I died a little inside when people commented on when I was going to start my family. We had a baby after 4 years assisted reproduction. I usually mumbled something with a frozen smile on my face, while I felt an enormous sadness.

I first heard of 'Irish twins' in the movie Runaway Jury - which I checked was 2003. In that film the woman was describing the bond between her own daughters. I'd imagine the phrase was American. I've heard it used since, and I don't find it offensive. But I did experience ill treatment on the basis of being Irish in the UK, so perhaps I'd be more sensitive if I was living there.

EmeraldScorn · 20/02/2017 23:58

"Is it really offensive though? Irish Catholics don't tend to use contraception so have babies close in age. Or does it have other connotations I haven't spotted?" WHAT?

I'm an Irish Catholic and I use contraception; So do my sisters, my cousins and female friends who are all guess what? Irish Catholics.

Your remark is not only ridiculous but highly uneducated and outdated - You really shouldn't peddle such unfounded nonsense!

As to the OP, it wouldn't be the first time the Brits have used stereotypes to ridicule us (the Irish) but of course it's all so "funny" and "just a joke", we weren't laughing during the days when places in Britain displayed posters saying "NO BLACKS, NO IRISH and NO DOGS ALLOWED".... Xenophobic racism is never a laughing matter nor is ignorance.

Casual racism against the Irish and no one bats an eyelid but you're all up in arms when other nationalities are being insulted; That's called hypocrisy - If you oppose one form of racism then oppose all racism!

Beachedwh4le · 21/02/2017 00:43

I think a bit of banter between friends should be fair game. I'm sure I've said plenty of things as a joke, which if repeated would make me sound like a lunatic. I think it was intended as a joke and wasn't said with malice. People live and learn. I honestly think there are bigger problems in the world than this

manicinsomniac · 21/02/2017 02:34

I've only ever come across one pair of siblings in the same school year who weren't twins. They were definitely called something but I don't think it was Irish Twins. Fairly sure I've never heard that phrase before. I think it might have been faux twins or para twins or something - not racist perhaps but not a very nice name to be called either!

Don't sweet it OP, just apologise if they found if offensive, but there's more to life (I'm an Irish twin btw, only 8 months younger than my big bro!!!)

Wow! That's incredible. Was your mum briefly pregnant with both of you at the same time?! (no idea if that's possible or not) Or were you premature? I'm not sure which would be more uncomfortable - sex at 8 months pregnant or sex days after giving birth!!

Whichoneofyoudidthat · 21/02/2017 02:42

If I knew someone well enough to ask about their reproductive plans, I'd assume I'd know them well enough to gauge whether they really were a xenophobe or they'd just put their foot in it. So I vote overreaction.

mimishimmi · 21/02/2017 02:42

Ahhh, I'd be probably be offended actually. I have a brother less than 18 months younger than me and we're Irish. We've copped so much flak for something we can't help .

lorelairoryemily · 21/02/2017 04:38

I saw a post on mums net a couple of months ago where the op had burned herself, some gave her some unusual advice with the explanation that it was a bit "Irish" when I questioned what that meant I was told that it means a bit backwards. I reported the comment and mnhq agreed it was racist and deleted it, it's hard to understand why English people feel the need to speak about us like that, almost every Irish person portrayed in an English tv show is a drunk or just an idiot. It's extremely offensive

Ponderingprivately · 21/02/2017 05:29

I guess it could be seen as rude although clearly it wasn't your intention so I would just apologise for offending him. And then tell him it's rude to question people on when they plan to reproduce - very rude indeed.

FleshEmoji · 21/02/2017 05:33

To the poster earlier (sorry on mobile) who wondered why people aren't saying bad things against the English - have you read r/ireland on Reddit? Plenty of anti-English feeling there and much more aggressively and deliberately expressed than this accidental remark.

Feilin · 21/02/2017 06:22

I have a cousin who emigrated to New York. He got married they have 3 kids obviously fairly quick order. I first heard the term after they had their first two and it was his wife who said it. Im irish btw . I dont find it offensive both my parents came from huge families all born in the 50s . Daresay if I looked a couple of them would be considered irish twins. There is so much more awful racism in this world OP that I would just apologise explain you didnt understand then move on. There are jokes phrases and racist comments for all walks of life. Dont let this upset you too much just be considerate of saying anything like it in the future.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 21/02/2017 07:08

To clarify my post about anti-English sentiment. I didn't say no one said anything bad about the English : they emphatically do, pretty much worldwide. What I said was there was no phrase that I know of, such as Irish twins; Irish confetti ; Welshing on a bet that reveals an attitude in such a shorthand way...

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 21/02/2017 07:12

To add, people are rather keen to make a point to say that OP's friends wildly overreacted or 'kicked off'. Read the OP, it was all done via messages! It was hardly a huge blazing row!!

spidey66 · 21/02/2017 07:13

I'm Irish descent (my parents were Irish) and I don't find the term offensive. Like a pp said it's on a par with Siamese twins to describe two siblings/friends who are very close.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 21/02/2017 07:17

I agree flesh emojI

Coulibri. I have spent quite a lot of time on Hastings, didn't live there but had quite a frew friends from that area. Haven't heard he phrase "bit irish" but did hear "having a paddy" all the time and did not realise it's connotations at all until I was older. I don't think many people do. I say having a strop. I didn't hear "Irish confetti" either but didn't hang around with people who threw bricks. I have heard nastier hate filled things said here ( just outside glasgow) about the Irish than I did about in the south east.

It was fairly common in the south east for pakistanis to have similar sort of thing, which I also consider to be bad, but I have heard it up here in lesser volume.

I have heard a lot of derogatory things said about the Irish travelling community from people in the south east and also from Irish friends living in the south east towards the travelling community. This is often as the result of parking their vehicles on land belonging to someone else, so not sure if it is racism or just annoyance. There are not so many Irish travelers up here I don't think.

I have heard old people in the south east often refer to a blood blister as a "black man's pinch". Which I am sure is racist so I would never use the phrase myself. One woman I heard saying it is definately not racist (I am sure, but will not divulge reasons for this assumption in case I out her)

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 21/02/2017 07:22

ummm spidey there is a reason no one says Siamese twins anymore....

It's conjoined...

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 21/02/2017 07:24

OMG - agreed. Really shocked about attitudes towards travellers the minute I moved south. Had never heard such vicious language to describe travellers up to that point.

Imaginosity · 21/02/2017 07:27

I'm Irish and I wouldn't have found this offensive at all - I'd hardly have noticed you'd said it. My friend always describes her and her sister as Irish twins.

littlejeopardy · 21/02/2017 07:27

Wait. 'having a paddy' is an Irish slur? Oh no, I use it all the time. I had no idea. Although it does seem obvious now that I have typed it out. Blush

ny20005 · 21/02/2017 07:31

I'm Irish & don't find the term offensive in any way !

I agree there can be it's if comments made about the Irish that are racist & offensive but this isn't one of them Hmm

OMGyoumustbekidding · 21/02/2017 07:42

Yes beans, travellers and pakistanis are not well treated in the south east it is horrible for them and I wish it would change.

English people, Irish people catholics and protestants, are not well treated in scotland by some people (minority). Anyone who you can imagine might do things that might be considered a bit english may also treated badly (bit posh, vote conservative, don't have a yes sticker on your car, buy a house, don't wear fake tan), unless you ae a tourist, in which case the dodgy folk will stump up just enough courage to be extra nice until you go.

Rdoo · 21/02/2017 07:44

I'm Irish and the only time I've heard the phrase is on mumsnet! Yes, I find the term offensive.

That said, I find this outdated, ignorant nonsense to be much more offensive:
Is it really offensive though? Irish Catholics don't tend to use contraception so have babies close in age. Or does it have other connotations I haven't spotted?

OMGyoumustbekidding · 21/02/2017 07:55

It is all about the "outing" of the "other" based on stereotypes and outdated and sometime even mythical views of what the "other" is like.

It happens everywhere and it is not nice.

There are some phrases which have been adopted and used for so many generations that people do not know what they mean any more. They should not be used, but I think there is a difference between deliberate racism and accidental ignorance.

MadMags · 21/02/2017 07:58

As I said upthread; MN is a stronghold of anti-Irish sentiment.

You have evidence of that on this thread.

It's that English superiority complex you see. Refusing to just back down and listen 😉

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 21/02/2017 08:01

I'm not sure the voting Tory thing is about being a 'bit English' but there you go.

There was a generalised anti English sentiment when I grew up but it was rarely aimed at specific English people. It was about power and anger.

I am sure it was deliberate but you have just pretty much broad brushed the Scots there with the nonsense about fake tans! That's a social class / inverted snobberthing! And lots of Scots are v proud of being working class tis true

When I was in Glasgow, during the independence referendum, there were loads of no stickers! And no , of course, prevailed. So that really is a sweeping generalisation.

Swipe left for the next trending thread