Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 20/02/2017 22:19

I hate this race stuff within the uk it is so stupid

I do hope you (like a surprising minority of English people) are not thinking that Ireland is in the UK?

lorelairoryemily · 20/02/2017 22:21

@Gallavich you are a fucking idiot. "Irish Catholics don't tend to use contraception" what a stupid thing to say. How the fuck would you know that? What year do you think it is in Ireland. Ignorant and highly offensive.

NataliaOsipova · 20/02/2017 22:22

I never realised having a paddy was to do with the Irish!

Nor did I! I think I thought it was something to do with a padded cell.... I've learned something tonight.

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 20/02/2017 22:23

It simply means two children born v close together but obviously not twins, something that's common in Ireland

It isn't though, and hasn't been for quite some time. Hence antiquated.

Coulibri · 20/02/2017 22:25

It always cracks me up on these threads how people who openly admit they have never given a phrase/term any thought whatsoever then accuse those who have of 'overthinking' and being exhausted from being 'continually offended'. It does suggest the underthinking of people who never think critically about their own use of language, or who have no awareness of something like the long history of Irish stereotypes as feckless, superstitious, drunken, irrational apes. We do not recognise White Irish as a separate racial category to White English today, but that wasn't the case for most of history.

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 20/02/2017 22:26

We do not recognise White Irish as a separate racial category to White English today, but that wasn't the case for most of history

We do on all forms in Ireland Wink

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 22:28

Actually, ethnic monitoring forms have WBRI (White British) WO (White other) and Irish as separate choices, amongst others....

Peanut14 · 20/02/2017 22:28

Lol @ Gallavich 'Irish Catholics don't tend to use contraception', too funny.

Anyway OP I'm Irish (living in Ireland) and myself and my friends always refer to 'Irish twins' in jest. (Probably because we are all late 30's and all left having babies late so we all have Irish twins).

mikado1 · 20/02/2017 22:28

But it is common thewinter as those 'twins' are my generation so hence it lives on as they're very much still alive! A friend with a 2m old texted to say she's thinking of going for Irish twins, to me anyway, it us simply a neutral description 're closeness in ages and is usually said with great affection.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 22:29

But, in every other way Coulibri I agree wholeheartedly

littlefrog3 · 20/02/2017 22:29

It's just an old saying that reverts back to the times when the Irish has HUGE families and sometime they would have 2 babies within the same calendar year; so whenever anyone does that now, they're called Irish twins....Some people get offended by it, but then some people get offended by anything and everything. If your friend is offended OP, then that's his right, but you clearly meant no offence, so just say 'sorry if I offended you' and if he doesn't accept your apology, then stuff him.

Someone I know has Irish twins. Born January 2016 and November 2016. Just an affectionate term with no nastiness intended. But some people do LOVE to get offended. I remember using a certain 'old fashioned' term for someone who was mixed race about 5 years ago, and you would think I had killed someone, the way people reacted on that message forum. Pathetic, over-sensitive snowflakes.

Livelovebehappy · 20/02/2017 22:29

Interesting to see that the people on this thread who confirm they are Irish, appear to unanimously saying they are absolutely not offended by it. Which proves the general thought that the people who clam to be offended are generally not the ones affected, but enjoy being offended on others' behalf.

Butterymuffin · 20/02/2017 22:31

It's not the best choice of phrase but after you'd apologised they should have let it go. Plus it wasn't exactly sensitive for them to ask you when you're going to have kids. How do they know you haven't got fertility problems and wouldn't have been upset by being put on the spot?

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 22:32

It's definitely NOT unanimous. RTFT in its entirety.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 20/02/2017 22:32

Winter, of course not (unless northern), but they are our close friends and neighbours and I wouldn't see them slagged off any sooner than the Welsh Scots or the English (who I was talking about).

As I have said before I am Scottish with an English accent.

NataliaOsipova · 20/02/2017 22:33

Coulibri That is a good point about thinking critically about language; however, I think it's also important to recognise that language evolves. Things come to mean something different from what they first meant. One of my pet hates is "decimate" which means "to reduce by one tenth". They would reduce the size of the Roman legion by decimation and kill every tenth soldier. Now, even the dictionary accepts the commonly used definition which is closer to "annihilate" or "completely destroy".

Similarly, there was a thread the other day where the term "knackered" came up. Older people regard that as rude and as meaning "I am tired after having sex", whereas most younger people would take it to mean "very tired", with no obvious sexual connotation.

So I don't think you're wrong to ask people to think about the words they use. I just think its more important to look at everything in its proper context.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 20/02/2017 22:33

coulibri Hear hear!

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 22:33

I suggest you read John Agard's Half Caste so that you can use the 'whole of your mind' then frog as I assume that is the term you used.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 22:34

And I am not sure a mixed race person would appreciate being called a snowflake.

NataliaOsipova · 20/02/2017 22:34

....it's more important- sorry - bloody autocorrect....

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 20/02/2017 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gabilan · 20/02/2017 22:34

It always cracks me up on these threads how people who openly admit they have never given a phrase/term any thought whatsoever then accuse those who have of 'overthinking'

I agree, Coulibri. I know the derivation of words like idiot and moron. They've become so commonly used though that many people don't so I tend not to mention it when I hear them used. But then someone will say "cretin" and I think "well that's just hypothyroidism". And don't get me started on people who think "spastic" means "a bit of a wally".

One person's oversensitivity is another's thoughtfulness.

lorelairoryemily · 20/02/2017 22:35

Forgot to say I agree with all the other Irish people saying they don't find it offensive, I don't at all, but comments like what gallavich said are pretty offensive, op I wouldn't worry about your friends! Twas no more offensive than them asking when you're going to have a baby!

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 22:35

LOL I was one of those who isn't keen on 'knackered'. Guilty as charged!

Thinkingblonde · 20/02/2017 22:38

I think your friends are equally as insensitive to you op. They don't see the irony of haranguing you with their comments on your decision not to have a baby to suit them.